My Devil Self

Summary: ONESHOT. Best way to kick-off your devil self – don a pair of devil horns and concoct a plan to throw a banana at someone. "And you were also going to throw a…banana at me," he said. "Are you suggesting something?"

"Hello, and would you like to play The Undeniably Boring Life of Kyla?"

Aisling shoved a toothbrush in my face and looked at me expectantly with those big doe-eyes of hers. They batted innocently and my palms started sweating as if actual cameras were pointed at me and the abnormally large amount of light shining down on me was a spotlight, not a torchlight that Aisling was holding above my head. I've always have stage fright…even if this stage fright was just kind-of pretend.

"Oh wait!" Aisling said, and then straightened up as if she just remembered something. "You're already living it." She gave me a 'disappointed-mother' look. I hated those looks, because whenever my step-mother Nina was disappointed in me I usually didn't get chocolate for a week and that would require me to sneak around to acquire my own methods of consuming chocolate.

"Yeah, yeah," I droned on and flicked my brunette bangs out of my face. They slipped and effortlessly covered one grey eye again, making me huff in annoyance. "Now can you get out of my face? I'm trying to complete my English assignment."

My oh-so-angelic step-sister slammed my laptop shut, spun me around on my computer chair and handed me a pair of devil horns. That's right, you heard correctly – she handed me a pair of devil horns. It was a red band with these little soft, fluffy red horns sticking up with black coloured in them. I silently formed an 'o' with my mouth and took the horns without complaint, wondering where she was going with this.

"You, Kyla Lily-Mae Paterson, are going to act like a dare-devil today," Aisling informed me, her mouth stretched in a wide grin at her 'brilliant' idea. "And you are going to wear those horns and be proud of them."

I stared at her like she was crazy. To further the craziness, she pulled out a banana from her pocket (who keeps a banana in their pocket? Especially when the shape could be mistaken for…something else?) and after slamming the horns forcefully onto my head, plopped the banana in my hand. After I stared at her for a couple more moments, I averted my eyes towards my banana, then back at her.

"What the hell am I meant to do with a banana?" I exclaimed, and then flinched when I realised I said 'hell'. There was no way that Aisling was not going to pick up on that. Sometimes dear Aisling was just too observant for her own good. As I expected, Aisling brightened up when I uttered that word and clapped enthusiastically.

"That's it!" she shrieked. "That's the spirit. Now, what dare-devil thing could you do…with that banana?"

"Um," I stalled and then racked my brains. The only thing I could think of was to eat it…or throw it at someone. I was good at that. Throwing things were my specialty, especially when the targets at people that I do not particularly like. "I could uh…throw it at someone?"

Aisling sighed, giving me another one of her 'disappointed-mother' looks. After she clucked her tongue and huffed again, she inclined her head the slightest. "Well," she finally breathed out, "that will have to do. Dare-devils don't just get made you know, you have to start at the bottom. So grab your keys – we're driving out to town to find someone you can throw this banana at."

I gulped. This had to be the stupidest idea that Aisling had ever concocted, even more stupid than that time she rallied all the girls from our year and tried to crack a sheet of glass. Even some boys joined in – the ones that were secure enough in their manliness to embrace their falsetto voices. Unfortunately that was not a lot, and Aisling started giving random guys the 'disappointed-mother' look as we went past them in the hallways.

"Do I have to wear these…horns?" I grimaced, and flicked the horns with my finger. I willed them to fall off and burn in hell (hah) but they didn't of course. I caught a glance of myself in the full-length mirror and the reflection confirmed that I looked weird as Voldemort in lingerie. Excuse me for putting that horrible image in your head. I was wearing my light denim skinny jeans with an orange tank-top and a denim vest over it, which clashed with the red of the devil horns.

"Yep," Aisling said proudly, and then flicked them herself. "Aren't they just great? I got them from that second-hand shop down in town for 30 cents and the lady said they have only had one owner, this middle-aged man or something."

Her eyes glittered as she said the last sentence about the middle-aged man, and the corners of my mouth twitched up.

And then…

"Wait a god damn minute…these have been worn by a middle-aged man?" I shrieked, and then yanked them off and stared at them in horror.

"Nothing wrong with that!" Aisling announced cheerily. "Except I think he was bald and rather flaky – but I'm sure the second-hand shop gave it a good wash. You have to wear it…it makes you stay in character." She flashed a grin at me.

"Ugh," I moaned, but then obliged. Checking myself in the mirror one more time, I grabbed my keys to the modest Honda Civic that Aisling and I both shared (although Aisling hated to drive – weird, I know) and we stomped down the stairs together. Our house, although homely and all that crap, was also extremely old and the stairs were creaking every time we stepped on it, even if we did it lightly.

"Hi Mom," Aisling said brightly, as we passed the kitchen on the way to the driveway. Aisling's mom, who I called Nina, was in her early-thirties with blonde wavy hair that went down to her shoulders and grey-blue eyes. She was perhaps one of the nicest, most organised people I have ever met, although she was always cheeky and teasing – especially to us girls.

"Hi girls," she replied warmly as she looked up from her planner. She was one of those people that had a diary, a planner, which was her whole life. If she lost that planner, she would be well, lost. All her appointments for clients (she was a reputable real estate agent) were scheduled in there and all her new market strategies. I once went in there and was afraid by all the random notes that were stuck in it with post-its. "You two going out to meet your boyfriends? And Kyla darling – why are you wearing devil horns?"

I gave a 'ugh' look to Aisling but she ignored it. "No, Mom – we are actually proudly single at the moment, thank you very much. And Kyla is on her way to having some fun and turning her boring life around, so don't disturb it alright?"

"And here I was, thinking you appreciated me, Aisling," Nina said sarcastically and rolled her eyes to the heavens. I grinned. Even at an older age Nina had never lost the sarcasm that was so popular with teenagers nowadays. For some reason, I really liked sarcasm. I didn't know why, I wasn't really that sarcastic myself. It was just funny, that was all.

"Of course I do, Mother, who else would pay my bills and cook me food?" Aisling said cheekily, before blowing a kiss from her cherry glossed lips and pulling me through the open door and slamming it behind her.

"Aisling, I look like an idiot," I said, and then shoved the banana back in her hand.

"No, you take it Kyla –"

"I don't want to throw a banana at some random!"

"But it would make you feel liberated and it'll be a heck load of fun –"

"What? No it wouldn't!"

"Yes –"

"Can't I just throw the banana at you?"

I posed as if I was about to throw the yellow fruit at her, but didn't, of course. She stuck her tongue out at me and her silver tongue piercing glinted in the weak sun.

I had always secretly wished I had a piercing – everyone does, really – but I knew I wouldn't be able to pull it off. Some people just suited it, and others just didn't.

"Let's go then." I finally admitted defeat and slid into the passenger seat of the car, wondering if Aisling would actually make me throw a banana at some random. I adjusted my horns before turning on the radio, and nearly promptly shut it off.

Coz it's fun to be a devil…

I think I now have a new least favourite song. Well okay…besides Crazy frog.


"What about that guy?"

Aisling rudely used her long, skinny index finger with a fake nail glued onto it to point at an innocent passer-by, who looked at us weirdly. I saw his eyes widen slightly upon noticing my devil horns, and flinched once more. We were walking along the pavement along a popular street in the most popular part of our small town, where there were clothing shops and the Kwik-E-Mart (okay it was really a crap 7-Eleven but everyone called it the Kwik-E-Mart…fine only I called it that) and Aisling were searching for potential victims.

"Ugh no, he looks like he as anger management," I commented as I watched his face turn red and his eyebrows shoot up when someone accidentally walked too close to him and stepped on the back strap of his sandals, causing them to slip down.

"Excuses, excuses," Aisling tsk-tsked.

"To be honest I don't even know why I have to do this," I admitted. "Why do I have to throw a banana at someone? Can't I just do some other dare-devil thing?"

"Nope," Aisling countered, popping the 'p'. "I'm sorry, Ky, but we're going to stick with the banana. You know we have to carry out our plans." She winked at me.

I refused the urge to roll my eyes – which I never really do anyway – and was promptly scared out of my mind when my ringtone of 'The Bird and The Worm' by the Used blared out from my pocket. Calming my racing heart, I flipped my phone open without bothering to check caller id. If I did, then maybe I would have tossed my phone across the street instead of innocently talking into the phone.

"Hey, Kyla speaking," I chirped into the phone, despite being in an undeniably sucky mood. I stuck my tongue out at a passer-by who had the nerve to stare in shock at my horns, which was a very un-Kyla like thing to do, but unfortunately it had to be done. I'm going to hell anyway, aren't I?

"You will die in ten days," A computer voice stated in monotone, the connection slightly crackling. I stepped slightly to the left and it miraculously cleared. My crap cellphone worked in weird ways like that.

"Oh, really?" I said, shooting a 'can you believe this?' look to Aisling, who looked dearly confused when I realised she hadn't heard what the caller said. "And how will you manage that?"

"I have my ways," the voice replied. It sounded rehearsed – like a speech, like the person had practised it in front of the mirror numerous times before gathering up the courage to dial my number.

"And do I have a way to stop this?" I said, pretending to be serious about the person's threat. I honestly did not know who the hell it was – it was probably some lame faggot who decided he/she was bored one day and went through the school directory for some random number, and unfortunately I was it.

Dial tone.

"Ugh," I scoffed as I slammed my phone shut. "Some kind of threat caller. A stalker probably. I'm pretty sure they're empty threats and all."

Aisling gasped. "Oh my god –" she raised a hand to her mouth "that is beyond insane. How incredibly exciting."

I looked at her and wondered if she was serious. It looked like she did. Well as serious as someone with an angel halo on her head could be anyway. When we were five minutes from town, she demanded for me to turn around again so she could go grab her angel halo and we could look 'cute' together. I had almost gagged (slight exaggeration there) but she thought it was a 'brill' idea. Her words, not mine.

"I'm going to go grab something to eat, alright?" I stated. It was a question, but it wasn't really a question. If it wasn't alright with her – then she could deal with it. I laid my palm on the glass door, the entrance to my favourite place in the whole wide world – Dolly's. Dolly's was a donut/ice-cream/cake/sweets shop that was designed in that old diner kind of way with the red and white tiles and roller-skating waitresses. It was so cute, that I had to go there every time I found myself in town.

"Ew," Aisling coughed, and wrinkled up her nose. "How can you subject yourself to such indulgence?"

Aisling was currently on a diet and yoga stage. Every Saturday she would get up at the ungodly hour of seven am and subject herself to twisting her body in positions that did not seem humane. I had no idea how that could make you less stressed and more relaxed – how does that even work? According to Aisling, Dolly's was the store equivalent to a heart-attack and even the fumes would ruin her carefully-planned diet.

"Easy," I said slowly. "I just don't think about it, and enjoy the goodness." I flashed a grin and pushed the door, closing my eyes and inhaling the sweet scent. I almost forgot the banana in my handbag as I looked on in delight at the range of goodies available.


"Hey, Sky!" I chirped brightly, and slid up to the counter. It was newly polished, you could tell by the reflection staring up at you. "How's business?"

"Crap," she grimaced. "Everyone's going to that 'healthy eating' store across the street."

I craned my head around and saw a group of teenagers sipping smoothies – probably fat-free and taste-free, giggling and laughing. I poked a tongue out of them as well, deciding to embrace my inner devil.

"Ah, screw them," I remarked rudely. "You know you'll always have me as a customer." I winked. And then I regretted it. Lately I've realised that there is no such thing as a friendly wink – they are all flirty, saucy, suggestive, or something akin to that. I paled when I realised that Sky swung both ways. Hopefully she wouldn't get the wrong message from that wink…and was it me or was I looking too far into a wink?

"Nice, um, devil horns," Sky said, bemused as she reached over to flick one of my horns. "What are they for?"

"Long story," I sighed. "I'd like a chocolate donut with sprinkles please and a thick strawberry milkshake with extra strawberries."

When Sky gave me a weird look, I explained, "I'm trying to cut down."

Sky nodded understandably and then after she prepared my drink and grabbed a donut from the display thingy-ma-jig, she shoved them in a paper bag and told me to lean in closer. I felt mighty important she wanted to share a secret with me, so I leant over the counter as far as I could and gave her a questioning look.

"So…you see that guy over there?" Sky said, and then jerked her head towards the corner. I did the slow-turn thing where I casually turned my head and tried not to make it too obvious, which in fact, it actually was. Out of the glimpse of my peripheral vision I saw a guy typing on his laptop, but that was about it.

"Um, yep," I replied.

"Well…" Sky hesitated. "He's kind of strange. Like I go there like every half-hour or so to give him like a new plate of chocolate truffles, and he just eats them. And then I sometimes take a look at his laptop page and he's researching…bananas. And writing an essay on like…bananas."


"Yes," Sky said, biting her lip. She looked on the verge of either looking nervous, or cracking up laughing. "Bananas."

I almost started laughing. What was it and banana's with me today? Were the banana gods trying to get me to eat more banana's or something? Because I mean, it's not really my favourite fruit. It's actually my least favourite really – after apples. I'm strange that way.

"That –" I decided to say, "is strange."

"Yes, indeed," she said, and picked up a wet cloth and started wiping down the table to keep herself occupied. "He's been in here for ages and I don't know what's wrong with him."

"Hmm…" I said. Do you think this is a sign that he is the one I should be throwing a banana at? Is some higher deity telling me that I, or he, will benefit from chucking a banana at his head? Somehow it seemed unlikely that either of us will be benefiting from this act of random evilness.

Throwing a banana at somebody really is random. I couldn't believe I was actually going to do this. I squared my shoulders and walked about four feet away from him – because believe me if I went any further back it would not even reach his head – and slowly zipped open my handbag. Aisling looked on from the window of the shop and stood right beside the guy – basically – and frantically gestured to him, opening and closing her mouth wildly. 'Him?' she mouthed.

'Yes' I mouthed back. Aisling grinned and flicked her halo at me in a salute. I pretended to roll my eyes, but grinned too. Despite being forced to do this, it actually felt kind of…fun. Not that I've even chucked the banana at his head yet. Wait a minute…what was the purpose of this again?

I lowered my hand into the handbag and curled my hand around what had to be the banana, and quickly with fast movements that Aisling would have been proud of, threw it at his head.

Umm…I think I just threw my hairbrush instead.



Double shit. I completely forgot about what I would do after throwing something at him. I contemplated running for it, but then I realised that was not my style at all. I also tried not to catch Aisling's eye, because she was doubling over laughing and turning bright red. She was dead when I finally got to her. Because I mean, I'm the devil and she's the angel and….oh frick. What do they say about good always triumphing over evil?

But she's the evil one!

His head turned slowly to me. It struck me like a comet (although probably not as painful) how hot he was. Hazel-eyes, dark-brown hair that nearly covered his eyes, shaggy like he hadn't had a haircut in ages.

"Did you just…throw a hairbrush at me?"

"Yeah…" I dragged out, just as slowly. "But I didn't mean too, I swear. I meant to throw a banana at you instead!"

Well, that didn't sound any better, did it Kyla?

"Are you still going to throw one at me?" he asked, one of his eyebrows raised. His amused eyes appraised me, and I could see his eyes flickering from my devil horns to my eyes – just to you know, be polite. If not I'm sure he'd just be staring at the devil horns.

"Umm…maybe," I said. "Well Aisling – that's my step-sister, said I had a boring life so she made me wear these devil horns and then she gave me a banana and she asked me what to do with it and then I said I could throw it someone and then we went to town to find someone to throw it at but I said can't I just throw it at you to her but she said no and I said what's the point of this and she said –"

"You're rambling," he pointed out, cutting me off. That was a good thing too. I had a tendency to ramble when I got nervous. Nothing serious. Not even when I ended up telling my whole life story to someone – I did that once. It was bad. It only took fifteen minutes so I must have been talking fast.

"Sorry, maybe it's just these devil horns," I said. "Maybe it's doing something to me. Maybe they have magical powers. I mean their horns and horns might make you…"

Argh. Do I really need to finish that sentence?


Well I guess he finished it off for me.

"Yeah!" I exclaimed. "Yeah, horns may make you feel evil, especially devil horns."

"Were you about to say horny?" he asked me.

I didn't know whether to admit it or not. I mean I wasn't thinking so obviously the first thing that came to my mind was that word, to be honest. I mean seriously how would you finish this sentence? Horns might make you…horny. Exactly. God, why couldn't my style be running for my life!

"And you were also going to throw a…banana at me," he said, exaggerating some of the words. "Are you suggesting something?"

"No!" I said quickly. Oh god, oh god, oh god, ohh god. "Umm…errr…of course not. Like I said, Aisling gave me a banana and told me to do something dare-devil-ly with it! I mean, of course I'm not suggesting anything. I don't even know you. I don't even know your name! What's your name?"


"Conner," he said. "And you're Kyla."


"What?" I spluttered.



"You don't know you're Kyla?" he said. "Kyla," he repeated, for good measure. His eyebrow was still stubbornly raised.

"I know I'm Kyla. How do you know I'm Kyla?" I asked, bewildered. I darted my eyes back to Sky who tried to look as if she wasn't eavesdropping, but she so was. Well at least she could call 911 if this guy turned out to be a stalker that wants to kill me or something.

"Lots of people know you're Kyla," Conner said.

"Conner…Conner…Conner…" I repeated out loud to jog my memory. Did I know this guy? I cocked my head to one side as I studied his face a bit more. Now was it me or was his cheeks turning red? Aw. Was he embarrassed that I was looking at him? Oh shit. Now my cheeks are turning red.

"I'm Tiffany's brother," he offered.

Tiffany. The name made a ding! go off in my head.

"Oh and I'm the one that has been calling you."

It took me a while to get what that meant. God, I'm so dense.

"You what?" I exclaimed. "You've been calling me and leaving me lame threat calls? I mean, you're not very original about them, by the way. They are quite unoriginal. Oh wait, hold on a minute while I do something."

And then I grabbed the banana from my bag and slowly peeled it, and then smashed it right in his face.

Yeah, that's what you get for giving me threats.

"I guess I deserved that," he sighed. And then he ate some of the banana from his face. "What?" he asked when I looked at him weirdly. "I like bananas."

"Obviously," I muttered under my breath, and my gaze darted to his glowing laptop. I could see the word banana about thirty times in just those two paragraphs he had written.

"It was a favour for my sister," he explained. "Tiffany hates you, and er, I owed her one."

"Excuses," I spat. Okay, so I didn't actually spit. That would have just been gross. And unlike some people, I wasn't gross. Well, not the type of gross where I would eat a banana off my own face after some random girl rubbed it in your face. But then maybe I'm not so random after all, since he knew my name.

"Hey! You threw a hairbrush at me – which hurt, by the way," he pouted. "That wasn't very nice, and calling you with threats wasn't very nice, so I guess we're even, right?"

"Well, I also smashed a banana in your face…"

Damn. Couldn't I just keep my big mouth shut?

"You're know, you're right," he said, and then suddenly got this cheeky grin on his face that I did not like at all. "I think you should get a taste of the banana."

"No –" I started to protest, wanting to explain that banana's were my least favourite fruit.

But yeah, I really couldn't because he basically slammed his face on mine. And oh in the process I guess his lips found mine because they were pressed against mine and hey…was that a hand creeping onto my cheek?

His lips were soft against mine and I thought what the hell? And pressed my lips back onto his, snaking my hand on his shoulder and moving my lips with his, relishing in the feel of it. You know, I hardly even noticed the yucky taste of banana. After about five or was it ten? seconds we pulled apart and he grinned.

Well I guess the higher deities were telling me I would benefit something from this.

"I've…got to go," I said quickly.

"Mhmm…give me a call. You know what my number is," he said, and then, and then…he winked at me. And this one definitely wasn't a normal friendly wink. Again I prove my theory that all winks are flirty!

Oh yes, how could I forget. The threatening calls.

So I walked out of the store with my strawberry milkshake, chocolate donut and sans one hairbrush and one banana.

I was never taking off these devil horns again.

…just joking.

A/N: Just a fun one-shot that developed in my mind (: Reviews are appreciated! (and constructive criticism – thanks!)