Warning: Contains mature subject matter, including a same sex male couple. If you are not interested, I suggest you turn back now.


Fall of the Phoenix [ 不死鳥の降参する ]

All I remember feeling when I saw them together was guilt. What more could I have done to please him? In my eyes, I had lost all purpose to have let down the one person that kept me going. He was the force behind every gesture and decision I made. No, I wouldn't call it an obsession. The simple truth is that I had found happiness in slavery. Of course, at the time, if anyone questioned our relationship, I would have said that we were happy together, we were happy. However, I was simply kept in my doghouse while he went around doing his 'errands'. I put my heart and soul into something meaningless. I had thrown all my coins into the wishing well, and I came out of it with nothing but the clothes on my back. No home, no friends – or at least none I deserved – and certainly no forgiveness. Stranded.

When I showed up at my favourite bar, named Ghost, the owner – a friend of more than five years - barely recognized me. Little was said between us as he handed me enough beers to eventually refuse service. I didn't exactly cause enough trouble to be kicked out, but he asked me not to return again until I had figured my life out.

For the next few weeks, similar instances occurred in which doors I had once thought open to me became permanently shut. A few old friends claimed to have given up on me a long time ago, something I had been completely ignorant to. I decided to resort to something that anyone in my position would – I became a shut-in. The only times I opened my door were to let food in or let trash out. Whenever the phone rang and a family member showed up on the ID, I unplugged it for the rest of the day. My inbox was cluttered with junk from relatives who had come to visit and gone already, and responses to e-mails that I had sent weeks ago. I kept my windows closed and began to have the best sleeps of my life, waking up in the afternoon and falling asleep in the morning. In my ashtray, I had built up two weeks' worth of cigarette butts. Every day, I watched it accumulate until an eruption of ash spilt down the sides and I carelessly tossed it away. In my kingdom of isolation, I ruled a world all my own, and accomplished absolutely nothing.

At work, I found a significant drop in both the amount of hours I received as well as my performance. For almost three years, I had been employed by a wealthy construction company in Shibuya. Several workers had come and gone, but a few remained that I had known for a while. Only one of them knew of my sexual preference for both men and women, and he was the one who had introduced me to Takeshi, the man that I was still desperately in love with. This was all despite that he had left me in the dust. Since I had broken up with Takeshi, my fellow employee had been making subtle passes at me. For a long time, it didn't even feel like an option. I had been loyal to Takeshi for so long that I had never really considered sleeping with someone else. As in almost everyone's case, there was the rare hint of a spark between myself and others, but I had no desire to take matters beyond attraction. When it came to my co-worker, I couldn't ignore his pull when he invited me to his place following one of the company's monthly parties.

Whatever happened between us that night didn't come up in conversation until the next time we were at a work party. Nonetheless, he was only the beginning to a string of men I had brief encounters with on a much greater ball of yarn. The first of them was an escort, a man named Hideki. I was introduced to him when my co-worker and I headed to the gay bar after the party. Although it was the first weak attempt I had made at a social life in a long time, it felt somewhat good to get out. At least I was escaping the morose aura my apartment had collected.

Hideki had the same energy as many of the young adults in Shinjuku Ni-Chome, but he had an edge to him that I hadn't really witnessed before. He had dyed platinum blonde hair with cuts and bruises adorning his face at almost all times that I had seen him. The leather jacket he wore over a red v-neck was worn and he had all sorts of chains and patches across it with different band names on them that I didn't recognize. The small club we were in was noisy and crowded even with less than twenty people inside. When couples weren't crammed in corners making out, they were at the bar sipping on their beers and planning to head to different hotels or apartments. While the three of us didn't particularly stand out, I felt like a fish out of water.

"So, Kaede," Hideki addressed me.

Lifting my chin, I realized I had been zoning out, leaving Hideki to boredom, as my co-worker had drifted and now had his arm around a cute young man who's makeup was noticeable but not obvious enough to come off as garish.

"How do you like Toxic? The owner hired me to hang around here...he says I'm good for business. I tend to wander off to other bars, though...sometimes customers aren't looking for my kind of service."

"Really?" I asked, raising one eyebrow. "What kind of service would that be?"

I must have said something stupid, because he scoffed and looked off to another corner of the bar.

"Well, you must be wondering how I got all of these marks on my face...I've got more where those came from."

My mind didn't take long to gather up the implications at hand, and I swallowed. Suddenly, the room felt a lot smaller, between Hideki giving me blatant offers and my co-worker at beside me, carelessly bumping his elbow into my ribs as he went into long drawn out conversation with his young boy. As well, I saw others glimpsing over at Hideki as if he was a hot piece of meat. Perhaps it was a sign that I should make up my mind. I was snapped out of my trance once again when the owner shouted at Hideki from behind the bar.

"What are you doing!?" he shouted. "Save some for later! I need someone to hold ground tonight!"

"Ach, shut up, old man! I'm making business," Hideki snapped back.

Holding in a snicker, I watched as the owner, who was really quite young, turned his back and began to set out more bottles of beer for customers.

"Forgive him. He does nothing but work, but he doesn't even consider that I have my own job to take care of, too."

Hideki smiled an honest smile, and I did, too. There was something quirky about him, and I had to admit I was drawn to it for a while. Something in me told me that he was trouble, though, and that wasn't far off from the truth. An escort wasn't the kind of guy I was looking for, but then again, I wasn't really looking to date anyone at the moment.

"Please, it's fine," I assured him. "Shall we get out of here, then?"

Eager to make a swift escape, or perhaps just due to the nature of his aggression, he grabbed my arm and we quickly made our way out, leaving my co-worker behind. It seemed that he had his hands full, anyway. Outside, young folk and old folk alike were swarming around different bars or making their way to hotels, dinner, or wherever they planned to go. The neon street signs were all lit up like strings of Christmas lights on lamp-posts, sporting exotic and daring names, fit to each type of bar. Ni-Chome, although not the only area in Tokyo with a heavy culture of queers, had a much greater amount of bars in such a small area than anywhere else in Japan.

My eyes searched the different and familiar venues, and I exhaled a cold breath of air. Hideki seemed to be wandering as much as I was, and eventually I brought up the inevitable question.

"Where do you want to go?"

Twisting his mouth this way and that, he tapped his finger on his chin, scoping out several different possibilities. I was also drawing a blank, and feared that he might run off with another attractive male strapped to his side if I didn't make a decision.

"Ahh, wherever you want. You're the customer, after all. Unless you'd like me to take the reins tonight..."

Choking on the icy air, my eyes widened and I shook my head. He laughed at me and seemed a little more at ease all of a sudden.

"I didn't think you were the type of guy to let someone else take over, anyway. Personally, I'm the opposite, but I think that's probably for the best, isn't it?" he grinned.

I nodded and we kept on walking for a short while, considering options but ending up turning most down due to lack of interest. It seemed neither of us was really in a rush to get into bed, despite that I hadn't had sex in just over a month.

"Well," I started, "Do you live here in Shinjuku?"

"Yes. Only about a ten minute walk from here...just on the outskirts of Ni-Chome. But...er...I'm not sure you'd want to go in."

Blinking, I scratched the back of my head.

"Why not?"

"It's a bit of a mess right now, but if you don't mind..."

I had to refrain from bursting out in laughter. Whatever mess he had in his room was probably pristine and flowery compared to the condition of my apartment. However, I shut my mouth and walked along with him until we arrived. When he opened the door and we stepped inside, the scent of sex was quite prevalent in the medium-sized room. Despite that his apartment was smaller than mine, it still wasn't as cluttered or messy. On the west wall, he had pinned up a collage of photographs, most of which I recognized were taken in Ni-Chome itself. He seemed happy in some of them, but grumpy and reserved in others. Trying to imagine the haphazard lifestyle he lived, I found a photo that seemed different than the others. With a softer focus, the photograph displayed Hideki and a dark-haired boy snuggled up, surrounded by pillows and sheets. The shot was taken from above, presumably by one of the two. I smiled and wondered if he had a boyfriend, despite his controversial profession. However, from what I saw, there was no other evidence of a significant other in the rest of the room.

"Who's this?" I finally asked.

"Who?"

He turned to find me pointing at the photo of him and the other boy. Instantly, he began to blush and stutter, evidence of something more than just any old customer.

"Oh, he's just a-uh, a friend of mine. I can't afford to have a lover, you know? It's bad for business."

Quickly, he moved on into the apartment and threw his sheets off of the bed, presumably because they were dirty. He exchanged them faster than I had ever seen my mother do, which came much to my surprise. For someone who was highly esteemed about his messy apartment, he certainly did well at mending it.

"Do you want to have a shower first?" he asked, but I shook my head, as I had already had one before going out. "Well, then, how much do you have?"

Fishing through my pockets, I managed to scrounge up three thousand yen in total. I lowered my eyes and hoped that he hadn't expected I would bring him much cash, considering I was working in labour. Nervously, I handed him the papers, and he accepted them with no more than a nod before tossing them on his ivory night table. When he began to remove his jacket, I did the same, and he plopped down on the bed with his knees up.

"Here," he said, gathering something from underneath his bed.

He held up a pair of handcuffs and let them dangle in his hands for a moment. I began to realize just what kind of a guy he was, and I smirked. I was about to enjoy myself, and immerse myself in something that would take away all other thoughts and feelings.

When I approached him, he already began to tug at my jeans, unbuckling my belt and letting it fall on the ground. He massaged me from the front for a moment, starting the beginning of an erection that I knew was about to grow quite quickly. Biting my lip, I watched as he tugged my pants down and smoothed his fingers over my shaft. I had already discovered his potential to work wonders with his hands, and I felt a grin forming on my lips. His eyes followed mine at all times, analyzing each reaction, each tender expression that may have passed over my face.

Edging closer to him, I lifted his shirt up and over his head, only to reveal more markings. He had quite a number of faded scars over his chest, and fresh scratch marks near his hips. I ran the tips of my fingers over them and he tensed, biting his lips. I couldn't imagine all the pain he must have gone through from day to day, but I supposed that perhaps it wasn't a big deal, so long as he enjoyed it. I smoothed my hands over his thin, pale frame and sighed as he continued to stroke my cock through my boxer briefs. Brushing my hair out of my face, I trailed my hand down to his tight jeans and unbuttoned them. He cringed, perhaps because of the scratches on his hips.

"Would you like me to leave a mark with you?" I asked, and he grinned.

"Maybe another night...when you have more cash. I'm sure you'll be back again, won't you?"

By no means did I deny it, but I had to wonder what I was getting myself into. Seeing escorts had never been my style, and whatever friends I had left would probably question my behaviour or re-evaluate me as a person. Then again, I also didn't have to inform them every time I went to see an escort, either.

I removed his jeans to reveal the erection underneath his underwear, and I trailed my fingers along his inner thighs, careful to avoid actually touching his cock. He shivered and spread his hands out over his hipbones, his eyes glancing up at me seductively. He was stretched out on the bed, and I crawled over top of him, pulling off his underwear and gently stroking his tip. I felt his muscles twitch as I did so, and I gently smoothed my fingers all the way down to the base of his cock.

"Mm," he moaned.

The sound of his moans only pressed me on even more, and I could feel my cock swelling as I began to pull off my own t-shirt and underwear. Hideki sat up and ran his hands all over my body, sending shivers up and down my spine. I leaned in and pressed my lips to his, forming my fingers around his cock again. He squeezed my nipple and slid his tongue in my mouth, panting as he did so. I increased the pressure of my hand around his dick and slowly moved it up and down, a thin layer of pre-cum coating his tip as I did so. If his plan was to tease me, he was doing a good job of it, so I forcefully placed his hand around my own shaft and released a deep pant as he moved his index finger and thumb up and down my dick.

"Ah, that feels nice," I muttered between quickly exchanged kisses.

"I could be wrong, but I think you've caused me to lose focus..." he hissed in my ear.

"Oh, did I?"

Smirking, I again tightened my fist around his cock and began moving my hand at a greater pace. He bit down hard on his lip, stifling what may have been a loud grunt. Suddenly, he removed my hands and flipped me onto my back, hovering with his mouth just above my chest. He flicked his tongue over my nipple and played with the tip of his dick. When his eyes met mine again, my heart began to race, and I felt a wave of pleasure hit me like a ton of bricks. Perhaps he was simply experienced in his trade, but damn, he was really pushing my limits. It seemed as if I closed my eyes for just a moment, and when I opened them he had handcuffed me. Alarmed, my first reaction was to struggle, but as soon as his lips met my cock, I tensed up and released a long moan from the back of my throat.

"You're a tricky one..." I whispered, letting my head loll back onto the pillows.

Each swirl and slide of his tongue brought me closer and closer to the ecstasy I had been looking for; the feelings that I had been robbed of for so long, and at my own fault. My chest felt heavy, but it rose and fell frequently with each pant that I tried my hardest to suppress. I couldn't explain why, but I feared that if I were to let out all the moans pent up in me, I would go insane. He smoothed his soft, pale lips over the tip of my dick and sucked on it, bobbing his head slightly as he did so. I clawed at the sheets beneath me and bit my tongue.

He breathed heavily between taking my whole length into his mouth again and again, until I thought I would come right then and there. He stopped briefly to run his tongue along the underside of my shaft. I could hear him getting closer as well, and he continued to quicken the movements of the hand he had firmly fastened around his cock.

"Damn," I murmured, biting my tongue again as he softly fondled my balls in the hand he had been jacking off with.

"Do you want to fuck me?" he suddenly asked.

I lay with my hands bound and got lost in the fire of his eyes, still locked intently with my own. He leaned forward and crawled into my lap, letting his lips meet mine again. I moaned as he slid his tongue in my mouth, still tasting of cum. I bit down on his tongue and he gripped at my shoulders, his nails almost digging into me as he did. Somehow, I knew I was about to have the best sex that I had experienced in a long time.

"Do I have to keep these on?" I asked, referring to the handcuffs.

"Hm," Hideki snickered. "As if you have the choice of taking them off?"

He positioned himself with his ass just above my cock, and I shivered as he began to descend, carefully guiding my tip into his asshole. He whimpered as he continued to push down, slowly building up to a rhythm while maintaining balance on the low bed. When I felt the insides of his ass clench and contract against my cock, I could no longer contain the noises that I had pent up in me. I moaned and threw my head back, clenching my fists. As he essentially used my cock as a toy to fuck himself, he rested his hand on my chest, his fingertips sliding against the sweaty surface. I bucked my hips and cursed as he bounced up and down, his ass so tight that it squeezed against my dick.

It didn't take long for our moans to drown out any sound that may have come from outside, or his neighbours for that matter. He continued, now vigorously grinding against me as I lifted my hips in an effort to shove myself deeper into him, if it was possible. We continued to thrust and he grabbed at my shoulders, hooking his arms around me. He was going to come, and I could feel it when his ass muscles contracted suddenly around my dick. It was as if he hardly had the ability to move, and he was now whining and whimpering so much that the thick sound of our skin slapping together was almost disguised. I continued to rock my hips, bracing myself with my cuffed hands pressed into the mattress behind me. His screams drove me to the point where any pain or discomfort was exchanged with a hunger and a life in me that had to be fulfilled. I moaned and felt my cock swell to the point that it could swell no more. With only a few more rough, sudden thrusts, I lost the breath in my throat and finally released the cum from my tip.

"Ahhh fuck..." Hideki moaned as he arched his back and pumped his fist up and down his cock, spilling onto my body.

I stayed inside him, hardly able to move, and collapsed onto the mattress, my chest heaving up and down. He slid off of me and let his leg rest over my waist, falling onto the bed beside me. His hair was damp and cool next to the warm sweat coating the back of his neck, and I laced my fingers between his. For about a minute or two, we simply lay there catching our breaths. Finally, he forced himself to sit up and grabbed a key from a box underneath the bed. He unlocked the handcuffs and I rubbed at my wrists, which were raw from being pressed against the mattress so hard. My first thought was how I would go to work the next day with wrists like that.

"So," he began in a frothy voice, "It sounded like you enjoyed yourself..."

"Yeah...I did. I think I might have to come back again."

Those were the words I was most afraid of hearing myself say.


A/N:

Well, it's been a while...I read a really great yaoi a couple of weeks ago that inspired me to do this story. It wasn't based in Ni-Chome, but somewhere around Shibuya if I'm correct. Nonetheless, Ni-Chome is actually a real area in Shinjuku, and yes, there are really that many gay bars. I'd like to go there one day myself...but that's for another day. Personally, I really like Hideki's character, and I'm sure you guys will get to know him better as the story progresses, although it's possible that the relationship between these two will get more and more meaningless over time. It's all part of Kaede's journey! Anyway...yeah, quite graphic this chapter, I know...I certainly started off with a bang. I hope you enjoyed it, though, and PLEASE REVIEW BEFORE YOU CLOSE THIS~! It is very much appreciated and it fuels me to keep going...otherwise I get really apathetic and assume no one has any interest in the story whatsoever. But yes, there ye go.