Kissing is for Loser
It is exactly ten minutes past six on a Sunday morning. My clothes reek of alcohol and cigarettes and my hair is a complete mess but I don't care. Saturday evenings are mostly spend partying and in this case in some guys bed.
I feel my bag vibrate and take my mobile phone out. Lilo is calling me, probably to tell me that she is already here. A few minutes later my assumptions are confirmed.
I won't say that I am a slut but a few people might think otherwise. I am more of a feminist, you know, same rules for both genders and all. Whatever men can do, women can do it too. So sleeping with persons that are not your significant other isn't something bad in my eyes at all. It is in fact something I enjoy. Sex is good and healthy, good sex with no strings attached is brilliant. It's not like I have sex with half the population, I just have a healthy sex life.
I finally spot the dark blue Renault and open the passenger door. Inside my good friend Lilo is waiting for me with a coffee in her hand.
"Oh I love you" I tell her after I put my seatbelt on and took a big gulp of the heady and hot drink.
She gives me a once over and starts the car. "That bad?" She asks. Apparently she knows me too well.
"Is it that obvious?"
She grins. "Yeah. So what went wrong, I thought he was 'hot as the sun with the body of a god'?"
I smile remembering saying that line after I spotted him in the club and called her to tell her that I wouldn't be sleeping at home. "Yeah, I thought so too. But there is a reason why I prefer friends with benefits over One Night Stands. I mean you don't know how the person ticks, his fetishes and most of all they always want to kiss so much." I sigh.
Lilo rolls her eyes. "Oh, that's the reason… I still don't get how you don't like kissing."
"It's boring and gives nothing. Why should I swap bodily fluids with somebody when it is absolutely unnecessary? You know sexual interaction and oral in other places are so much better. Kissing is overrated and unimportant. Kissing is for Losers!" I take off my boots and pull my legs up on the dashboard.
"Whatever." Is Lilo's only reply because she knows my point of view already and it is pointless to discuss it again. I just don't like kissing. It doesn't repulse me but I don't enjoy it either. It doesn't give me any feelings whatsoever nor does it make me horny, therefore it is no part of my foreplay … and all together pointless.
Lilo can talk of course. She has a boyfriend and they love each other. I believe in love, it isn't like I am a complete idiot. But I haven't experienced it as of yet and maybe kissing somebody in love is different. Why else do so many people declare it one of the best things in life? And Lilo's boyfriend is a complete sweetheart that will do anything for her. My theory is that kissing was something only the guys enjoyed and invented to get an erection even before their genitals were touched by anyone's hand. Girls used it as a kind of a compromise like for example 'I kiss you when you lick the ground I'm walking on and do everything for me!' Apparently it worked and girls started getting used to it over the centuries.
Yeah, well … that's my theory. So alas, without knowing it of course, Lilo and Derek (her boyfriend) will kiss and she will do it for him so he will give her all she ever wanted. Complicated much? Nah, not really… Though even for me my theory seems slightly off… okay, a lot off.
I drink my coffee while quietly listening to the radio. Lilo is a light brunette who has her hair currently in a messy bun. I wouldn't say that she is my Taxi, but in desperate times she would pick me up from all the different places. Today is a bit early but she owes me something. I let out a loud laugh when I see her still wearing her pajama bottoms and house shoes.
In the distance I can see a McDonald's. "Want to eat some breakfast?" I ask her suddenly getting really hungry and craving ham and eggs.
Lilo snorts. "Yeah, like I'm going to go into a public place wearing this." She points to her legs.
Now it's my turn to snort. "Ha! It's a Sunday morning, there's nobody around this time. Come on! You know you want to! Delicious food, coffee aroma and fresh, warm bread…" As soon as she sighs I know I have won.
Ten minutes later I am in the Fast Food Restaurant's toilette in front of the mirror nursing my disheveled appearance with my first-aid make-up kit I always take with me. I brush my long blonde hair and put it into a messy bun. Then I clean all the make-up from last night off my face, not needing it anymore. Being more or less pleased with my look, I step out of the room.
There are no other customers except Lilo and me, but the people working there are looking funnily at us. Maybe it is because of Lilo's careless and homey attire or because of my short skirt and cleavage-shirt from yesterday. Or maybe the reason for it is me walking completely bare feet- my boots or rather my feet just hurt so much and I really have no intention of wearing them again this day.
When I sit down in front of Lilo my food is already waiting for me. I dug in and we both eat in silence. The only sounds we make are the occasional giggles whenever the young employee looks at us with an expression akin to awe and admiration.
"You would think he has never seen a woman in his life before." Snickers Lilo behind her cup of orange juice.
"Don't be so mean." I scold her lightly, turning my head to look at the young boy."He is no older than sixteen and is, I guess, intimidated by two beautiful ladies such as we are." She laughs at that and we keep on eating. "So what did you do last night?" I ask a little while later.
"I was working in my dad's office and then I went home and slept like a bear." Her dad owns some big chambers. In fact my whole circle of friends is what one considers more than average when it comes to money, some will even say that we are rich. Most of us though, and I like to include myself here, stay down to earth, earn their own money and don't flaunt it in everybody's face. However it doesn't mean that I am not allowed to buy myself fancy things.
"Is that the reason you weren't at the club?" I ask with half my mouth stuffed with bread. What can I say? I am hungry and right now I don't care about my behavior whatsoever.
"Yaff." She nods with an equally full mouth. "I was damn tired. The whole lawyer-shit was making me crazy."
"Hm, you want to work as a lawyer though so you have to start at the beginning, even if it means 'only' ordering files." Silently I pat myself on the shoulder when Lilo nods. Of course I am right. "And what about that boyfriend of yours?"
"Oh, he went out with the guys." She looks up thoughtfully. "And I think he still is, because he wasn't there when I left to pick you up and he had said that he would come home to us."
I nod. Every other person I would have asked if they weren't afraid that said boyfriend might have slept in another girl's bed, but with Derek never. Every time he goes out with 'the guys', he and his friends get so plastered they aren't even able to walk straight and if some of them still find equally drunken girls for the night, Derek never participates in even flirting with them. He is just a really good guy, apart from the occasional alcohol and drugs; he is just a good person with a big heart in the right spot. This spot is Lilos property and she will never give him a chance or reason to betray her, not that he ever will.
A loud commotion at the entrance of the fast food restaurant catches our attention- five obviously drunken (at least two of them fully and the rest tipsy) guys tumble in. Tell me about talking about the devil!
"Darling!" Derek looks surprised and genuinely happy to see his dearest girl sitting there. If the glimmer in his eyes is of any evidence, he for sure isn't sober. Strangely though, it is pretty late (early) to still drink, even for them. Maybe it is just remainder alcohol that's cursing through his/their system?
Derek leans down and plasters a big, sloppy kiss on the lips of a very shocked Lilo. He then looks at me and grins brightly. "Nora my girl!" I smile back. Oh how I love drunken/tipsy Derek.
I wave slightly and roll my eyes in amusement. Then I look at the other guys who are ordering their food. I know each one of them and meet the green eyes of a certain, straight-black haired Adonis named Jed. He has his hair chin length and messy, or something like that, but it looks really good on him. Normally I don't like guys with longer hair, but his haircut seems to underline the sharp and sexy angles in his face even more. In a way with this hair he looks like the brooding, hot bad boy.
He salutes and grins at me, then turns back to pay for his meal.
Some time later all of us are seated in the booth and I have yet to figure out how we all fit into the small space. After the guys have finished eating (mind you, they have absolutely no manners and apparently no saturation limit) they all look ready to fall asleep. Now Jed is sitting leisurely next to me and has an arm draped over the back of the bench and plays with the few loose strands of my hair.
"I like your style Lilo, why do you never wear it in university?" He asks teasingly.
I am about to punch him lightly because of his remark that is directed against my good friend, when he suddenly catches my hand mid-air without even looking at me. His grinning face is still gazing at the couple in front of us.
Derek puts a possessive arm around his girlfriend and smiles, Lilo just rolls her eyes at the childishness 22 year old men can produce. The mood however, is light, because we are just a group of friends fooling around.
"Hey! I love those pants …" Derek trails of, looking down. This time I roll my eyes at the perverseness of the situation, because good boy Derek is obviously looking at her crotch. "Because whenever she wears this she never wears-" It seems like realization hit him and his pupils extend. I can only guess what idea has popped into his mind as Lilo blushes and he moves closer to her while licking his lips.
"Yeah, well, I never thought I would actually leave my car when I went to pick you up." She says explaining herself and looking at me. Despite walking dressed like that into a public place, she has now problems with dodging Derek who seems to have his hands all over her. He is whispering things in her ear that make her blush and behaves himself in general like one very horny man. I think you can imagine what has made him so turned on so suddenly. How he is able to feel like that though, after a night of alcohol and no sleep, is beyond me.
All the while Jed has been playing with my hand. I don't know why but my heart contradicts a few times when he intertwines our fingers, strokes my hand gently with his thumb or, like right now, guides my hand to his thigh and lets it stay there. I have to admit that I have a hard time focusing.
"And what about you princess?" Jed turns his head to me and refers with a small headshake to my shoeless feet. "Trying out for the sexy-natural look?" He lifts a corner of his mouth and puts a devilish look on his face.
"Yeah, well, I tried the Pocahontas-style." I answer him teasingly. "Did it work?" I then blink flirtatiously with my eyes.
"Nah, you're blonde, babe. You look more like a hippy." He grins and I have to suck in a deep breath. He reminds me of something feral with his straight, messy, dark hair and his pale, pale blue eyes. Sometimes I get the feeling that his eyes are shining blue-ishly white, that's how pale they are… "So where have you been?" He asks me and after I don't answer him immediately, starts massaging my neck with one hand, making me totally lose focus.
Now I have to look away and my cheeks become red. Despite being a slight feminist and therefore being proud to be having such a lively sexual life, I have no intention of talking about it with Jed of all people. Not only is he in most of my fantasies, but talking about sex with him will only remind me how much I want him and how much I can't have him … because it will break my rules of: firstly, not sleeping with friends (more precisely friends you already know for a long period and want to remain friends with) and secondly, possibly, the rule of no dating … I'm just not the relationship type of person. Yeah … I have this whole commitment issue.
Jeds face does not seem to loose its grin, however it seems to tense mirthlessly. His hand stops massaging my neck, but doesn't leave, it is simply lying limply on it. Maybe he can feel my discomfort? If so, he only seems to make it worse because he is watching me intensively with those wild eyes, trying to pry into my very soul.
I clear my throat. "Yeah, well … I – "
"She was with a guy, of course!" Answers Lilo and I am startled because I haven't even been aware that she has been listening. Now, I'm not sure if I like that she answered for me or if it's going to end badly. "And you know what? She was disappointed because of the kissing … because she doesn't like kissing at all." Now I glare at her. How dare she tell this to everybody? I mean about my disappointment. Of course all of my friends know about my distaste of kissing, but every time this topic comes up they all look at me like I'm an alien and need their pity.
Jed chuckles beside me, as well as all the other guys around the table. And I'm simply in no mood to defend my point of view. After all laughter dies off, my friends continue on with their conversations, not bothering about this topic anymore … maybe because I didn't protest or because they are just as tired as me. The coffee doesn't seem to work on my system anymore and I just want to fall asleep in my big, comfy bed. Jeds hand grasps my neck tightly, although not at all painfully, and dips my head closer to himself. I can feel his hot breath on my ear.
"You tired baby?" He asks me huskily while his other hand is playing with one of mine on his lap.
I lay my head on his shoulder, close my eyes and sigh. Damn, even after a night of partying, smoking and doing whatever he still smells so deliciously good. Then I put my head back up and nod slowly. Oh, how I love his eyes and how I hate when he looks at me like that, inquiring and unreadable. We are pretty close but apparently none of my friends bother to care about us.
"So, you really don't like kissing?" He narrows his eyes in question and I sigh. No matter how many times I tell that to somebody, there is always disbelief. What is so hard about believing that some people simply don't like kissing?
"Yeah and you know it…" I answer him a little unnerved. I am about to lean back when Jed grasps my arm and pulls me forward, a little closer than I was before.
"I think you just have never been kissed properly." I feel tingles in my stomach at our close proximity and the intense look he gives me, but when I look at his beautifully shaped lips, I feel no temptation at all …
I snort at his comment. "Yeah, right… No really, I've had my share of kisses, believe me. I just don't like it. It's as easy as it sounds." I shrug.
"Nah." This time he is the one to snort. "You've never had a real kiss." He looks deeply into my eyes when he says that in a low voice.
I roll my eyes at his inability to accept other opinions rather than his own. "So you say… You want to show me and 'cure' me?" I ask joking sarcastically but am suddenly met with a serious expression.
"Maybe" He answers and I am taken aback. "What about a deal, a bet? I make you crazy about my kisses in say, a month?" One of his hands is still stroking my neck and I look at him partly curiously and mostly amused.
"And what's in there for me?" I inquire, not taking him serious at all.
"If I can't make you just about addicted to kissing, you … will get my car for a month to drive with." I look stunned into his sincere eyes. His car? Is he sane? That thing is like a brilliant, smooth and deadly and … oh, now that sounds tempting.
"And what do you get out of this deal?" I ask him frowning.
"Well … if I win, you have to go out with me for a month … and do whatever I want." I stare at him disbelievingly and I'm about to laugh out loud, however, I play along for a little while.
"And how will you know who wins? I can lie …"
"Well, I will just have to thrust you. And believe me, if you really like it you won't be able to lie about it." He winks at me and I realize that he has been stroking my thigh with one of his hands.
Now I laugh at him. He is funny, really … but when he doesn't change his somber expression into a goofier one, I look at him and startle at the clarity of his gaze.
"I'm serious." He says in a dark tone. His hand is playing with the hem of my skirt teasingly and I can hardly concentrate anymore. He is serious about this deal? Really? Well, I don't believe that he can ever win so what do I have to lose? I can only win … and my prize for a month will be his diamond car. So …
"Okay." I say, smiling. What can the consequences be? None, right? I do not even believe in the enforcement of this deal. And it is a pretty stupid deal, really.
It is then that a smirk forms on his lips and he leans back with a smug expression, listening interestedly to the conversations around him and involving himself in them. He has yet to let go of my hand but apparently he is very fond of it and doesn't stop caressing it with his thumb.
Later on, when we decide to head home, I say my goodbyes to everyone. Jed is the last one and I tiptoe to give him a light hug as I have done to everybody else, but he seems to have an other idea and grips my waist tightly, holding me pressed to his body.
"Be prepared, today's the 15th and we are starting from today." His breath tickles my neck and when he lets go of me, he watches me thoroughly, bends down and while never breaking eye-contact, gives my hand (the one he has been playing with all the time) a chaste kiss. I can't help but shiver.
It has been four days since that strange morning and I have already rated that stupid agreement between Jed and me as a product of drunkenness and tiredness. I haven't seen him since then and I simply cannot believe that it-he is for real. It is ridiculous to even imagine that Jed has been serious... That would mean, because he is adamant on winning, that he wants to have (more or less) me as a prize. Well, dating me for a month. And this very thought is absurd.
Currently I am stuffing my mouth with a butter-soft muffin filled with a sweet latte macchiato cream. What does a sugar-addict like me want more? It is delicious and frankly, I am moaning when the paste touches my sensitive taste buds.
"Nora, I didn't know you get off on food."
I look up into the bemused eyes of Jed. Apparently I have been so absorbed in my own little mouth-orgasmic world, that I didn't even realize the body that stood next to my bench. Jed's eyes are laughing as he sits down next to me. I shrug and muffle a greeting. A gust of wind blows up a few strands of hair into my face but I munch on happily.
"You know, you can tell me to leave if you want to be alone with Mr. Muffin." He says in that same amused tone, cracking up at his own, lame joke. Being in a violent mood, I punch his arm and glare up at him.
"You can't even imagine how fantastically good that tastes." I tell him haughtily. However, when I look at him, my mind stops working for a second. He is giving me this intense look again and although his eyes are icy blue, his gaze is burning hot. I swallow thickly when he licks his lips and feel a tingling sensation starting from the pit of my stomach.
"Watching you, I think I can." He says slowly in a husky tone. Then he puts his arm around my shoulders and squeezes me tightly, killing the strange moment we just shared. "So, how's life?" He asks me cheerily while I struggle against his hold.
"Fine!" I answer briskly. Eventually I manage to free myself from his tight grip and stand, in an energetic and smooth move, up. However I haven't seen his actions coming. He puts his hands on my hips and pulls me to his sitting form. Slightly disturbed, I am standing between his legs while I hold the half-eaten muffin in my right hand.
Then, to my utter horror and slight astonishment, one of Jeds hands pulls up my shirt so a little skin of my stomach is exposed. The other one moves to my lower back. I feel like I am in some sort of trance (or maybe it is just curiosity about what he will do next) when I stare down at him and his mesmerizing eyes look up at me and his warm lips touch my uncovered skin. Oh … an electric bolt runs through my body and I bury my free hand into his velvety hair.
I just can't look away from his eyes, not even when his tongue darts out to touch me, not even when the warmth of his mouth spreads over my whole body. Only when I realize what I'm thinking- that I want his mouth on mine to see if he is as sensual there as on my belly- do I come back to reality. The hand I buried in his hair now pulls on it so his head moves farther away from me.
"I thought the bet was about kissing on the lips." I say sounding more out of breath than angry.
Oh my gosh! What did I say now?! I wanted to keep it a secret! Damn, it was just a product of drunken student (remainder) debauchery …
Jed laughs a deep laugh and stands up, all the while his body is rubbing against mine considering he still has his arms around me.
"Patience princess." He breathes onto my lips. Oh how I love his eyes and how, at the same time, I am afraid of them. "I have a month and I intent to fully use and enjoy the time." He is so close, his warm breath and his hot body have mine boiling. Then he suddenly lets go of me and steps away. "I need to go, see you soon baby." He says smiling, seemingly very relaxed, and goes away.
Oh how I hate him. How can he leave me so hot and bothered by only a small kiss on my stomach? Endlessly frustrated I devour the last bits of my muffin.
The next time I see Jed, it is two days later at my friends flat. We have all been together the whole evening and neither Jed nor I did anything to acknowledge our bet. In fact we talked to our friends normally and we ourselves behaved normal. Although, my mind reminds me, Jed was flirting a little more with me than before … at least I think so.
Right now we are in his car because he is driving me home due to certain circumstances. He didn't complain, actually he was rather happy with that and I had no problems either. I mean, I like him and he has been nice and charming all day and there is no hinting on our bet so, yeah … I'm good with it.
"So…" Jed trails off as he takes one of my blond locks, puts it in front of his face and inhales softly. "… what kind of Shampoo are you using?" He doesn't even smirk but I have to laugh hard because it is so random and unlike him to ask something like that, that I just can't contain my amusement.
He lets go of my hair as the lights turn green.
"Why? You also want to wash your hair with it?" I question with obvious mirth in my eyes.
"Nah, I want to buy it. It smells really good and I want you smelling like that after you have taken a shower in my flat too." He says grinning boyishly.
"Why should I shower there?" I ask him confused although I am still very amused by all of this.
"What, you don't shower after having hot, dirty, wild and sweaty sex?" He is mocking me and I just roll my eyes at his smirk. Although, I will never admit it aloud, but my heart makes a few little jumps at his words.
"That was a really bad pick-up line!" I tell him. Guys can be so childish sometimes. I remember once a guy asked me if he could have my phone number because he had lost his. And I thought that had been dumb.
"What makes you think that was a pick-up line?" I would retort something along the lines of 'Haha, very funny. You could have at least used something more original like: What will you like to have for breakfast?' but I don't comment on his statement because of the serious tone I detect in his voice. Instead I remain silent and look only forward because it isn't like I haven't been thinking about him in bed, I just don't want to risk anything because I really like him- as a friend.
To lighten the mood that suddenly dropped to an uncomfortable level, I smile at him. "Besides, I prefer it rough and controlled rather than wild, so no chances there buddy."
It is his turn to laugh lightly, albeit huskily.
A few minutes later we stop in front of my building. I am about to thank him when he suddenly opens his door and steps out. When I step out too I look at him curiously with one eyebrow raised.
"What? … I'm a gentleman, I am going to walk you to your door." Jed says grinningly.
"You know you don't need to? It's not far at all and I'm a big girl, I'm not afraid of the dark." But I know it is pointless to argue and we are already walking towards the entrance to the house I live in.
He puts his arm around me and grips my hip tightly. I don't stop walking and neither does he, not even when he brushes aside my hair and kisses my throat. "Thrust me, I know that you are a big girl." He whispers into my ear. Momentarily I am disabled to talk and very happy that his hand is holding me otherwise I might just fall because my knees feel like butter. If somebody sees us they will think that we are a couple.
Before I can organize my thoughts again, we stop. I am shocked to find that we already reached our destination because I can't remember walking all that way. Apparently I have been too preoccupied with my inner turmoil to notice anything besides his body.
I turn to Jed. "Well, thank you Jed, for driving and bringing me-" I am interrupted when Jed pushes me against the door and presses his body into mine. One of his hands strokes my hip and the other one softly brushes my hair out of my face. I gulp.
"What – what are you doing?" I ask him carefully, hoarsely and shiver when I see that look in his eyes. Then he smirks and I breathe in heavily. It is a bad smirk, a devilish smirk and combined with his intense gaze and deadly handsomeness I think that he resembles a killing machine. He doesn't have to do more than snap his fingers and every girl in the vicinity of 5 kilometers will be seduced and ready to do everything he wishes for.
"Saying properly goodbye, of course." He doesn't look away from my eyes when he leans forward and my heart starts beating frantically.
He is going to kiss me! Gosh, I don't want him to kiss me – for obvious reasons! He will ruin everything if he kisses me, I mean I don't like kissing and kissing Jed will make him less perfect than he is for me right now. It isn't like I will ever have sex with Jed, no matter the joking or my sudden lust for him; I just can't break my codex because it will either end badly or he will eventually want a relationship and then it will end baldy again. But I like having my fantasies of him and if he kisses me right now he will not only ruin this so far wonderfully gone night but also my fantasies.
Nevertheless … a tiny part of myself, hidden somewhere deep, deep down, wants Jed to really kiss me. That is what scares me the most. I don't like kissing and I have never ever wanted somebody to kiss me voluntarily, so why am I having this sudden urge now? Oh … I feel like I'm hyperventilating. This is wrong.
Then Jed leans forward and I am frozen. I can't move nor do I know what I will do. I feel his breath mingle with mine and then his lips brush … my cheek. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding but my heart doesn't stop jumping wildly. He then presses himself more roughly against me and his hot breath tickles my ear.
"Sleep tight, princess!" He whispers and puts his head back to watch me with sparkling eyes.
"Thank you … You too." I answer feebly a few moments later. Jed only grins, pats my hip and goes to his car.
I for my part still need the support of the door and the fresh air is also helpful. Damn, how has it gone from simple, more or less harmless flirting to this mess? I am confused and irritated. What is Jed playing at really?
"Stalker!" I shriek when I find Jed walking next to me on this fine Tuesday morning. I have a lecture I need to attend in about twenty minutes and have been revising when someone suddenly tapped me on my shoulder.
He chuckled. "Nah, not really." He said lightly and put his arm around my shoulders. "Will you like me to stalk you, though?" He looks down at me and wiggles his eyebrows. I swat his arm playfully. That's how I like being with him, flirting slightly but mostly joking around. It is so uncomplicated without this whole unresolved sexual tension (and it his only his fault that there even exists something like this between us).
"You're an idiot."
"Yeah? How so?" He asks me, pulling me more tightly against his side.
"You just are." I retort simply, shrugging my shoulders. "So where are you heading to?"
"Home. I was just banging a professor –"
I stop abruptly and choke on everything that wants to get past my throat. I shrug his arm off my shoulder and look accusingly at him. "You-you, what?" I am shocked … and I don't know, slightly disappointed.
Then that asshole starts laughing. "I was kidding. God you should have seen your face." He stops laughing and puts a hand on my shoulder. I can't say that I don't feel relived for some reason but I'm not all too happy about the idea he planted into my head. "Although I did fuck a teacher once in high school. She was just this young, fresh out of –"
"Okay." I put my hands up. "I don't want to hear this so you might save your breath." I start walking again but he reaches up to me quickly. I really take no pleasure in hearing about his sexual exploits and frankly listening to them makes me angry for some reason.
"Why, are you jealous baby?" Jed asks me teasingly.
"Ha! No, of course not!" … Maybe.
I roll my eyes when Jed puts his arms around me and hugs me from behind.
"There's no need for that. You know, you are the only one for me." I disentangle myself from him and snort.
"Yeah, right." I know that he is joking.
All of the sudden he tugs on my arm and I find myself in his arms, looking up at him. He is smiling crookedly and his hands wander to my waist. He is pulling my midriff rather close to his and I watch him with both my eyebrows raised in surprise. I put my hands on his chest in order to push him away but in reality I'm looking for some kind of support. This way I can also keep the distance between us in check although I have the feeling that if he wants to crush me and come closer he will have no problems at all in doing so.
"Only you" He growls smiling and bends his head down. I however jerk my head automatically backwards. As a result Jed takes one of his hands and grasps my chin. I can easily step away now but I am frozen … again. His eyes are so mesmerizing and if my racing pulse is of any evidence I desperately want something to happen, although I'm not so sure what exactly because I am genuinely confused about my own emotions.
His face loses the taunting smile it had plastered on and lowers so his breath, once again in a time span of only five days, brushes my lips. Feeling like I'm going to suffocate any moment, I open my mouth and am shocked to realize that I'm slightly panting. This whole situation and my inner turmoil are definitely exhausting me.
Now Jed's and my breath mingle together. I am simply unable to look away from his wild eyes, they look like liquid pools of icy iron (I'm pretty sure nothing like this exists though) and take my breath away. He still has his hand on my chin and the warmth of his fingers spreads over my face, down my throat and neck. He holds my head in place when he moves slightly forward and his lower lip oh so softly skims over mine.
Unconsciously I have pressed my body rather hard against his. I grip his t-shirt tightly and enjoy being engulfed by his muscles. When I recognize his half-lidded gaze my heart starts pumping more quickly and a lot louder, at least for me.
Thump. Thu-Thump. Thump. Thu-Thump. Thump. Thu -Thump. Thu-Thump. Thu-Thump.
I am about to close my eyes, ready to not only graze my lips lightly against his but take them fully when …
He pushes me away! Gently though, but still! He takes a step backwards and uses a hand to run it over his hair. I think the both of us need a moment to collect ourselves.
"I think your lecture is about to start in five minutes." He says hoarsely and licks his lips. I don't now why, but my traitorous eyes watch this action intensively. Before he takes off, he gives me a quick kiss on my cheek.
Needless to say I am angry. How can he tease me like this and then run off? Better yet, did I really want him to kiss me?? Well I did anticipate it, but I wasn't very keen on pushing him away … was I? Oh shit! When I eventually sit down I'm brooding and not really able to follow the professor. How did this guy manage to mess me up so much? I'm confused (I know, I already said that … quite often that is) and so very frustrated. And I can't stop thinking about his lips. I still don't like kissing but the curiosity in me wants to try it out with Jed.
Oh, what a dilemma! And he is a freaking tease!
It is really starting to get on my nerves.
I mean Jed also belongs to my group of friends (and we are a lot) but I have never seen him around so much before as in the past two weeks. Of course we as a group meet regularly twice or more a month, partying or just chilling together and also I have my very good friends I meet nearly every day but Jed doesn't belong to the latter. And now, you can say I see him more often than not.
Or maybe it is just my imagination because whenever I see him now, my body goes all shivering and sweating. I'm more a nervous wreck or ready-to-explode-any-moment bomb rather than the collected and witty girl I like to pretend I am. … So, yeah … I'm endlessly annoyed, even more so when I come home on this fine Thursday and find him sitting in my living room. So okay, he is with Derek (who seems to be visiting his girlfriend) but I simply don't like this surprise.
Lilo comes out of the kitchen and smiles at me. "The guys came and I said that they could stay here, it's no problem for you is it?" I knew she just asked this out of courtesy and I am hardly somebody to throw out guests, but I actually want Jed to go when I nod and smile politely.
"Nah, no problem. However, I have to get ready … I have a date." For a split second I look at Jed when I say this and see him raising his eyebrow in mild surprise. Other than that he looks completely content and this for some reason disturbs me. He could show a little more … something, I don't know, emotion or so. It's not like he hasn't been playing with me the last few days and now he isn't even the slightest bit jealous.
Oh dear! What am I thinking? I mean, why should he be jealous … of course he shouldn't be … right? Oh no, I don't want to be thinking about him like this, like I want us to be more than friends …
"Nice. With whom?" Asks Lilo as she sits down next to Derek on the couch. Jed is sitting on the couch-chair and is lounging lazily in it with his legs spread wide apart like he owns it. I have a hard time taking my eyes off him and the most unnerving part is that he is watching me intensively. Watching every move I make, listening to every word I say like a predator and I am his pray.
"Oh this guy I met the other day in the park. You know I told you that I loved his style." Even though I feel anything but relaxed I manage to perform exactly like this. Nobody can tell that I'm really nervous (for some unknown reason) and totally want to disappear in my room. Jeds gaze makes me lose my concentration more and more with every passing minute and once I have answered all the questions I hurry into my room.
Wow, I am hot. I pant as I lean on my door and damn our heater. At least I hope it's because of the heater that I feel so warmed up … How come Jed didn't even say one word, except a crookedly smiling 'hello', and yet I feel so electrified?
Maybe, because I've been thinking about him the last few days … I have been thinking about him a lot, more precisely about his lips. I know, I know … why should I think about his lips? Frankly, I don't know. But it frustrates me. Every time I see him my eyes wander to his mouth and I get all hot and bothered, well he really has a nice mouth. And I can't stop thinking how this mouth would feel on mine …
Oh no! He has bewitched me or something; why else would I have these so not-typical thoughts?
After a few deep breaths I collect myself and go to the shower. Now I need to prepare myself for my date, something that will hopefully keep my mind off of stupid Jed.
A few minutes later I am freshly showered. Okay, I don't shower in only mere minutes … more like half and hour later I am fresh and smell like vanilla. (I love sweet, sweet fragrances) I also have a cocoa Shampoo and a strawberry one. All my perfumes are red, because I have realized that the red bottles smell sweeter, flowerier. And not only do I feel fresher, but my mind seems to be clearer than it was when I came home. I feel energetic and pleasantly anticipate my date.
Once I finish dressing myself into a trendy and sexy, yet more casual and not appropriate for a disco, outfit, I stop in front of my mirror. Now comes the dolling-up part. As a matter of fact I love putting make-up on my face and I know that I am good at it. While I'm putting on eyeliner on one of my eyes, somebody knocks on the door. Without a second thought I tell the person to come in, it's probably Lilo and she knows how my room looks like after I have looked for an outfit for a more or less special occasion (mostly clothes lying on my bed and floor, looking like a bomb has exploded here).
I hear the door open and close as well as someone's breathing. After I finish my eye I turn to the side, annoyed that this somebody hasn't said a word until now. When I see Jed leaning on my door I all but scream.
We share a moment of silence in which I glare at him and he looks me up and down before he … narrows his eyes at me? What the fuck? Oh so now he is angry and jealous maybe … well he has no right. Oh damn, he looks so sexy when he clenches his jaw and I run the risk to not be able to stand on my wobbly knees anymore and fall to the ground.
"What do you want?" I ask him rather harshly and turn to the mirror again to finish my other eye. Of course I only do this to busy myself from my penetrating thoughts and his intense gaze.
"Oh nothing too big." He says lightly and I hear him pushing himself off the door. "I just wanted to tell you…" I know that it just isn't my imagination that his voice gets deeper and huskier with every word and that he is walking slowly towards me. "… to have fun, at the date." My whole body tenses and I try to hide my shaking hand as I put down the mascara. When I turn around I notice that he is a lot closer than I thought.
"Ah, well, … thank you." Contorting my face I want him to know that I find his statement rather strange. Furthermore I try not to throw myself on him. Jed just looks so delicious and dangerous at the same time with his wild hair, his strong posture and the feral look on his face. His whole person is oozing something rough and he for sure looks like someone who is dominating, never being submissive. I gulp.
"And I have something for you." He tells me in that same calculating yet dark voice as he moves closer, even closer. My muscles tense, relax, tense, relax and my heart is strumming a tune that resembles a lot more techno than a slow symphony. He is watching me with amused eyes when he touches me lightly on my hips and I can only stare mesmerized between his lips and eyes.
I try to contain myself for no other reason but wanting him to make the first move. I am way too far gone and my hormones are in such a rage that I have to do something against it. I think, secretly I have always wanted him to do something so I could just act along without excuses. Also I have realized that I really want him to kiss me, for some reason. Although I can't believe that I am going to like it, but I can't stop thinking about his lips.
"Something to think about during your date…" Jed whispers as he softly grasps my face and lifts it up a little. I can feel his other hand slowly snaking its way around my waist and pressing me into his body. His eyes bore into mine and his scent engulfs me and makes me dizzy.
Then, with his eyes and this breathtaking gaze fixed on mine, he leans forward and captures my lips. I would … no, actually I wouldn't like to tell you that fireworks exploded and well, they didn't.
After a few seconds in which I accustom myself with the situation, I put my arms around his shoulder and he wraps both his muscled ones around me so he can eliminate any space between us. It is a soft and low kiss, one I seldom had, but in no means chaste. There are no fireworks but big spirals because the moment I close my eyes and let his torturous mouth dominate mine, I grasp his shoulders hard because I feel so dizzy. His taste, his scent, his touch … it all feels like a sensory overload and I'm afraid to loose my conscious any moment now.
It is real torture that Jed is kissing me so slowly but at the same time it is so beautiful. It feels like this is my first kiss ever and I have to admit that he is so good at it that I feel like somebody who is drowning and holding onto his last life support. A few minutes later, though, he parts.
In the first few moments I breathe deeply in and out and need a little time to collect myself and loose this dizziness that had suddenly appeared. When I look up, his face is expressionless. He looks blankly at me with his shiny and pale blue eyes and slowly takes a larger step back. Then he grins crookedly.
"See? I knew you would like it. Now you can already prepare yourself for a full month with me." His eyes start to sparkle in amusement and I can feel something called pride weave its way into me.
"Oh, don't be so full of yourself. This … this kiss was repulsing." I say with what little dignity I still have in me and turn around. Hopefully he doesn't see how tense my body is or how bothered I actually am. Jed chuckles and then leaves the room.
Needless to say, my date was a disaster. The guy was actually really nice and more of a gentleman than Jed could ever be, but I simply couldn't stop thinking about him. This jerk did it on purpose, so he could ruin my date. And well, thinking about the kiss really ruined my date. And as he predicted, I really thought hard about this damn kiss.
I mean, what exactly was so different about it? Nothing! And yet, I don't know, I felt like I could go on forever like this. I could feel every place he touched me so intensely and I don't even know if I was breathing or not. Or maybe kissing him was like deliciously breathing? Oh damn, I really have to do it, at least to myself, and admit that I liked that kiss. It felt like so much more than simple swapping of saliva … it was breathing, giving and taking and (okay now I'm going to sound corny) it was like swapping lives with all its emotions and up and downs.
And no matter how much I try to suppress it, I really want to share my life with him again. Well … that sounds so cheesy. Damn, what has he done to me?
When my date tried to touch me or kiss me, I just blocked him off. I really wasn't fair to him and although we arranged this date with the knowledge that something would happen today, I simply wasn't in the mood anymore.
When I come home, I let myself drop on the bed. I'm so happy that I will be going out tomorrow night. I will drink and forget all about that stupid kiss and the even more stupid Jed. Because, frankly, he messes me up completely.
It's Friday night and I'm dressed and ready to party. Most of my girl friends and I are going out, we call it ladies night. Normally the single girls are set and ready to hook up with some random guy (after flirting with the whole male population in the club of course) and in-relationship-girls normally trick us into believing that it's solely a night for us girls because at some point of the night, their boyfriends magically appear, like it was a super nice coincidence that they came to the same club as us.
Of course it's also a good opportunity for the taken-girls to make their boys jealous and so … so yeah, it really is no real 'ladies night' but after a few drinks no one really cares, you know.
I'm dressed, as my friends tell me, like I am ready to kill. And what do you know? I want to do just that. However I won't end up in some guy's bed, because I have no intention to do so. For some reason I really don't want to have a night of meaningless sex with some stranger. Though the reason that I'm so keen on going out is because of what I actually want and that is Jed … yeah. I'm miserable, aren't I?
It is around midnight and all of my friends are scattered all over this club. I don't like lying, well actually I do, but in this state of mind I never feel like lying, so I'm going to admit that I am rather tipsy or more like drunk. For the record, I was very good until now, I have been only flirting and dancing with a few guys, but I have done nothing else.
Right now I am on the dance floor, shaking my hips and looking every guy I see deeply in the eyes. Then I feel hands around me and somebody moving, more like grinding, from behind against me. I put my hands trough my hair, mess it up and dip low. When I stand up again I push the stranger away with my behind. Dancing alone is so much more fun. I turn, dip, spin, bounce and shake. Yes, I want everybody (well every guy) to look at me, see how I move and look and I want everybody to want me. I feel like I am in trance and grin lasciviously when I catch somebody looking intensively at me. Yeah, look at me.
And then- I don't freeze but I cannot move my eyes from him anymore. Jed is leaning on one of the tables and his eyes are fixed on me. My heart starts pounding and I undergo a fall from my high. When I sense somebody coming closer, I push him away and start going into a certain direction. Like I said, I am drunk, and when I am drunk, I don't like playing games. I know I will regret whatever happens now tomorrow, but it's like I have no willpower anymore or in fact, I want to act like I act now.
I stop shortly in front of Jed. Although he is leaning on the table, he is still taller than me. In an automatic movement, without gazing away from my eyes, he opens his legs a little more so I can step in between them. I am a little disappointed when he shows no reaction, other than taking a calm gulp of his drink, when I put my hands on his solid thighs. I purr slightly at the sensation of touching him.
"Hi, what brings you here?" I ask smilingly. My tongue feels just a tad bit too heavy, but I manage to talk coherently.
I gulp when his eyes move to my cleavage and he finishes up his drink. Then he lets his arms fall to his sides and looks me in the eyes again. "I came with Derek."
I nod my head at his explanation and savor the sound of his voice, even though it is hard to hear him because of the loud music. I lower my head and look up from my eyelashes while my fingers dig into his jeans. Then I lean forward so he can understand me better.
"How long have you been here?" I ask him in what I believe is a sultry voice, but I know that it comes out shrill rather than sexy. Ah, who cares?
"Long enough." He answers gruffly but has yet to push me away. So far he has done nothing to show me that I shouldn't touch him. "You dance really well." He adds then, smirking lightly.
No matter how often I hear them (no, I am not that conceited, but everyone gets compliments, right?), I always take them to heart. Especially compliments that are as sincere as Jeds. My head feels heavy and I smile as I lean my head on his shoulder.
"You know … Jed? I lost the bet." I pout when he still doesn't put his arms around me but keep my head on its place. He smells so good. Mmmh, I can stay here forever. I don't wait for him to answer me and continue on with my rambling. "I lied, you know? I loooved that kiss. If you really want to go out with me, although I think that was just a joke… ah, yeah, if you really want that, can we kiss every time? Of course we can do a lot of-" I stop when I feel him shake with laughter and put my head up so I can look into his mirthful face.
"You are a funny drunk." He says with a smirk and puts his hands on my hips to hold them tightly. Oh his eyes are so devilish I really want to ravish him now, but I pout because of his comment.
"I don't want to be funny, I want to be sexy." I am only half serious, though. Only because I have too much blood running through my alcohol (yeah I know it's actually the other way round) does not mean that my IQ suddenly drops 30 levels or so.
Jed grins and pulls me closer so my body is pressed up against his. "Don't worry" he growls close to my ear, "You are sexy enough." Then his hands knead my flesh and I sigh in delight.
"Kiss me." I tell him but his eyes only fill with amusement.
"No, you're drunk."
Maybe he doesn't know how much his words really hurt me, but I narrow my eyes at him. First he makes this bet and now he doesn't want to kiss me anymore. Am I such a bad kisser?
"Fine" I say and let my arms loose. "If you don't want to kiss me, I am going to find somebody else. I'm sure there are-" I stop again mid-sentence. This time I was about to entangle myself from him, when he suddenly hauled me back to himself and groaned deeply.
"You're stupid." He murmurs shortly before his lips descend onto mine.
This kiss is a lot sloppier than the first, partly because of me and my condition, but it is a lot wilder too. It's neither hard nor romantic. It feels like we release all our pent up emotions into that kiss and I just know that my lips will be red and swollen like never before. One of his hands tangles into my hair and moves my head to the rhythm. Something hot explodes in my stomach and I grip his muscled arms hard. When we part, both of us are panting and I am extremely horny … I think his is too.
"Are you going to stay long enough to bring me home?" I ask him coyly over the loud music.
"I'm going to stay long enough to put you into bed." When he sees me grin, he shakes his head quickly. "No, I am not going to sleep with you tonight." He scowls at me. "I want you sober."
I pull a face but recover quickly and cross my arms in front of my chest. "Okay then, I will find somebody else to share my bed with."
Suddenly his grip on me tightens and he lowers his head. His eyes are shining intensively and my heart starts pounding quickly. "No, you won't." He drawls possessively and I kiss him softly.
Ouch! My head hurts. I know that I didn't drink enough water, that's why my head hurts. When I go past my mirror I see that my make-up is completely smeared and my hair looks like a nest. Bloodshot eyes, how wonderful – I groan in agony because of my disastrous look.
Once I am in the bathroom, I drink as much water as I can in one go. Then I brush my teeth and my hair- with two different brushes- and wash my face. I'm satisfied when my hair's in a messy bun and then I head to the kitchen.
After I make myself coffee I sit down at the table. So what happened yesterday? Oh yes, I made a fool of myself and told Jed approximately everything I want to do with him. Also I revealed that I really enjoyed his kisses and oh wait, I even kissed him again. It was a great kiss, but I really behaved like an idiot.
I groan. I knew I would regret it. How will I face Jed ever again now? I groan again and this time my head hits the table.
"I don't think that's good for your head princess." A masculine voice utters from the door. I don't look up; just groan for a third time. Did I forget to mention that Jed brought me home and, after I had convinced him to come up for one drink (nonalcoholic, he was driving) and a heavy make-out session (which would have lead to something else if he hadn't broken it up because I wasn't sober), he stayed here for the night (although he slept on the couch because he didn't want to risk anything).
And what am I going to do now? I think first of all, I shouldn't answer him- that would be a wise way to start.
I drink up my coffee in one go and stand up to put it into the sink. Somehow the room is filled with a tension of some kind and I am hyper aware that Jed is watching me from his position at the door. Of course he is standing there so I have to go past him when I want out and of course I just have to realize in that exact moment, that I'm only wearing a shirt that barely covers my ass and a thong under it.
I try to somehow distract myself and stall for time so I start cleaning the kitchen countertop. Where is Lilo? Oh yeah, she is with her fuckintastic boyfriend. No, I shouldn't blame her for not being her. I put myself in this mess without her help.
"Are you mad at me?" Jed asks with a rather gruff voice. He sounds more angry than timid or anxious.
"No, no why should I be?" I say nervously but turn around for good measure. The moment I set my eyes on him I groan again mentally. He is wearing no shirt! He has no shirt on and his body is so sexy, so trained so vibrating- oh my gosh, I want to dig my claws into those hot muscles of his and graze his chest with my sharp teeth. His hair is messy and sexy and his eyes are intensive, his gaze however, is hooded. I gulp and cross my hands in front of my chest.
"Don't know, you tell me." He says lowly and starts slowly walking to me. I start panicking but try not to show it. Oh, what is he going to do now? I watch him move smoothly and dangerously and try to calm my frantically beating heart. Then he stops in front of me and his facial expression seems to change from a sour to a soft one. I am only half-aware that one of his hands is stroking a few strands of my hair away because I am that captivated by his eyes.
"Good morning, baby." He murmurs onto my lips and then slowly dips his head and kisses me. I have never experienced such a feathery light kiss. It feels like his mouth is gliding over mine, coaxing it and stroking it. Both of his hands are now holding both of my cheeks and I'm clutching his wrists.
"What's going to happen now?" I ask him after we part our mouths but not our bodies.
"Well, we're going out" He says simply although I can see something flicker in his eyes. Uncertainty, Clarity?
"Oh yeah, the bet." I look down.
Then one of his hands lifts my chin up so I'm looking directly into his smoldering gaze. "No, not because of the bet … There's no limit for how long and if you don't want to …" He trails off and I feel him withdrawing from me. So he really wants to date me? Well … oh my, do I want it too? Sheesh, of course I do- for such a long time now I don't even now how long. After he kissed me I stopped denying it to myself. He is the one I would sacrifice my single-life for with pleasure.
"Yeah, no, I mean I want to." I say and smile at him shyly. I've never done that sort of thing before; I have never been in a steady relationship.
Next thing I know his lips are on mine again. Maybe I should get drunk more often because I would have certainly never admitted everything I did if I had been sober and I for sure wouldn't have experienced this strange happiness right now.
"Why did you start that stupid bet anyway?" I ask him in between kisses.
He stops to look at me oddly. "Don't you know?"
I just shake my head in confusion. Know what?
Jed rolls his eyes in amusement and pinches my side. "I've liked you for a long time but you always pushed me away whenever I came closer. So I tried everything I could think of." He shrugs. "It worked, ah?!"
A/N Yeah so ... I don't really feel good about this one but it bummed around my PC for a long while now and I simply want it over and done with
standard line: sorry for any mistakes, i'm still in the process of learning english
(you know, I'm asking myself why we can't rate stories... I think that would be a nice feature...)