For annoyance's Ridiculously Happy OneShots Contest

Has to be a One Shot ~ Has to be more than 2500 words - no drabbles please! ~ The main pairing must be het (boy/girl) ~ The story must be Ridiculously Happy ( Yes, all entries will be entered into my C2). That means no Angst, Hurt/Comfort. Lets all be happy! Romance, Humor and General are the preferred genres. ~ Add the phrase 'for the Ridiculously Happy OneShots contest' in your summary. ~ All ratings are accepted, but please keep lemons to a minimum. ~ The story must be in the category Fiction ~ Romance ~ The story can be in POV of either the boy or the girl ~ Deadline for story submission is MAY 11 ~ PM me the url of your finished story so that I don't have to hunt around for it. ~ The story must use irony. (For example, the one thing the boy hates about the girl could be what finally causes him to realize his feelings for her. Be creative!!) ~ The girl must be significantly shorter than the guy, and he should make at least 3 comments about this. (Ideally around 1 foot of difference in height.) ~ Submission starts on April 20 ~ Stories will be judged by voting. ( I'll hold a poll on my profile) ~ You can submit a maximum of 3 stories.

Check out annoyance's profile for details

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I never really liked birthdays. I mean honestly, it was just a celebration of surviving another year on the planet we call Earth. And unless the Gods or someone just as powerful has it out for you, it's not that hard. Plus, birthdays always tended to be big disappointments. Either no one remembered or no one bothered to do anything. Or they tried, and for some reason or another, failed.

So when my friends had decided I was to go birthday shopping with them, I was somewhat hesitant. On one hand free clothes and food and the chance of the best birthday yet, and on the other hand, chance of disappointment. However, since I was always a bit of an optimist, for some reason or other, I took the chance.

The plan was to come bright and early in the morning to the Plaza, spend about four hours there, and then go home content.

Since my friends were planning on paying for everything, I didn't bother to bring my wallet or purse, just my phone. I didn't bring keys either, because I wasn't driving. Although I had my license, I didn't have my own car. Which meant if I wanted to go anywhere, I had to rely on my parents' cars. And since they were both working today, it meant catching a ride with one of them.

-

I arrived there nice and early and started to walk around. It was a beautiful day and the Plaza was a great place to be. About 15 minutes later, I got a call. Knowing my friends only called in case of an emergency, I became worried.

-

It was Trish calling to tell me she wouldn't be coming. Apparently it was supposed to rain and her sister got in an accident.

And I guess it was okay. I mean, what could I do? I couldn't exactly get mad at Trish for having an accident-prone sister. And I was used to disappointment. Yes, my parents weren't going to be able to pick me up, but the Plaza was a nice place and I could have fun there. Never mind the fact that I had no money.

At that point it started raining, just like the weatherman predicted. But that was okay too. I was neither the Wicked Witch of the West nor sugar and didn't plan on melting anytime soon. But then I realized I was wearing a white shirt. Which was quickly becoming see-through. And that wasn't okay.

Not wishing to participate in a wet t-shirt contest, I ducked into the nearest store. Luckily it was a coffeehouse warm enough to dry me off quickly.

Being the coffee addict that I was, I checked out the menu even though I could barely scrape together 25 cents. The smells and the yummy sounding names were making me drool and my stomach grumble. Willing to do anything to placate my stomach, I went up the counter and swallowed my pride.

"Hi, do you offer samples?" I asked the barista.

"Are you sure you want coffee? It stunts you're growth y'know," a male voice answered.

"Hey! I'm not that short!" I said as I tilted my head upwards. Okay, so maybe I was kind of short. But I sure as hell wasn't about to admit it.

When I got a chance to see his face, I couldn't help but to let out a "Whoa". I blinked a couple of times and when he didn't disappear, I just stared.

"You okay? Can I get you eye drops or something?" He asked looking a little worried.

"You sell eye drops here?" I blurted out without thinking. After realizing how dumb I probably sounded, I quickly changed the subject. "Oh, never mind. Hey, has anyone ever told you how pretty you are?"

"Uh… pretty?" he questioned.

"Yeah! You're so pretty! You've got great bone structure. And your skin looks so healthy and clear. Do you moisturize or something? 'Cause seriously, your skin looks flawless. And your hair looks silky and soft. I bet you don't have any dandruff or split ends. And your eyelashes… they're so dark and thick and long! You could probably model for a mascara commercial without even wearing mascara." I sigh after my rant, just appreciating his beauty.

"Oh. Wow. Uh, thank you?" he said, a little taken back.

"Have you ever modeled or anything?" I wondered.

"Uh, no. If I were a model I wouldn't have this job," he replied.

"Have you ever supermodeled? There's a big difference y'know," I said. And it's true. Just like there's a big difference between heroes and superheroes.

"Uh, no. I work here, remember?" He said slowly. I wondered if he was trying to imply something, but just ignored it.

"Do you not model because you're a robot?" Once again my mouth functioned without my brain's consent. Deciding the easiest thing to do was to just go with it, I said "Like that would totally explain why you're so perfect. Humans have flaws but robots… Does it totally suck to be discriminated against just because you're not human?"

"Actually, I'm an alien. And yeah, it does totally suck." He replied.

"Oh my gosh! A real live alien! Were you considered really ugly back home? Is that why– "

Just then common sense decided to kick in and I realized he was teasing.

"Hmph! You're obviously not an alien. You haven't asked me to take you to my leader. "

Just then my stomach grumbled again and I came up with a plan.

"But I still think you might be a robot. There's only one way to find out the truth!"

"Oh, and how do we do that?" He said, still amused from his alien joke.

"Well, everyone knows robots always do the right thing. So if you do something not strictly legal, such as give me coffee for free, you could prove you're human." I smiled real wide, trying to convince him it was a good idea.

"And this has nothing to do with the fact you want free coffee, right?" He asked as he poured me a frappuccino.

"Right," I smiled even wider and took the frap. Mmmm, it looked so good! I was just about to take a sip when I realized, I didn't really know the guy in front of me. I didn't even know if he was human, let alone his name. For all I knew, he could be trying to poison me. Not very likely, but I didn't know how robots thought.

And so I stopped, mere inches away from the drool-inducing frappuccino, and shoved it towards the stranger in front of me.

"Take a sip," I ordered, "I don't want to be another Shakespeare." Just 'cause Shakespeare died on his birthday didn't mean I had to.

"Uh, as you wish…?" he replied with raised eyebrows and took a sip.

Hm… he didn't drop off immediately, but who's to say the poison wasn't slow-acting.

Realizing I should probably know more about the guy potentially trying to kill me, such as his name, I decided to introduce myself.

"Hey, I'm Emily." I held out my hand so he could shake it.

"Um, okay. I'm Leo." He replied and shook my hand.

"Oh my gosh! You're hands are super soft. Do you go to bed with gloves on? I heard that's how people get soft hands." There I went, once again spouting out the first thing that came to mind.

"Uh, no…?" Leo said, unsure of what was the proper response. "Hey, do you want your coffee back?"

"Oh! Yes, please!" I replied and grabbed the frappuccino. Mmm, this time the yummy goodness would not escape me. Deeming the drink delectable after my initial taste, I chugged the rest down; I never was one to savor.

Unfortunately, that meant I was once again out of food. It was time to come up with another plan to score free food.

"So hey, I'm kind of short right? You with your awesome tallness should take pity on me and give me another drink. 'Cause who knows, I may be this short from malnutrition. And you would just be doing your civic duty by giving me free food." I nodded as though by doing so Leo would follow my example and agree.

Okay, so it was kind of stretch. But maybe, just maybe he would take pity on me. It worked the first time anyways.

"I can't figure out what you're exploiting more: me or your shortness." He said with a smile.

"Well, when you're my height, you make the best of it. And it wouldn't be exploiting if I offered you a tip, would it?" I asked, once again wearing my wide, innocent smile.

"A tip?" He said, already pouring me another drink.

"Ah, thank you!" I said, emptying my pockets, "How's… a quarter and a metro card?"

"Psh, that's a lame tip," he said, taking it nonetheless. "I think I deserve a better tip. Especially when I'm probably developing back problems from all this been bending down to talk to you."

"Uh, what do you have in mind?" I said, almost afraid to ask. The boys I knew tended to have weird ideas.

"I'm sure I can come up with something," he replied.

Not wanting to dwell on whether or not Leo meant something by that, I changed the subject. "Did you know today's my birthday?"

"And I suppose you want a gift?" Leo asked.

"Well," I said, looking down at my now empty glass, "If you would like to give me one, in form of say, food, I wouldn't mind."

At this point I was feeling sort of guilty for mooching so much food off of Leo. But at the same time he was gifting me with it and I wasn't one to turn down food.

Leo sighed and said, "You're lucky the owner likes me," as he got me another cup of coffee.

"Wait, you know the owner? That's so cool! You could probably get as much coffee as you want." Yes, my mind was nearly always on coffee.

"Well, considering the owner is my dad, yeah I guess I could." He said.

Wait… Leo's dad owned this place? Then Leo could basically get all the free coffee he wanted. That would be like heaven. Suddenly all the guilt dissipated. Leo was just sharing his free coffee.

"Hey Leo, do you want to switch identities for a little while? I could be the pretty coffee heir and you could be that weird but cute girl?" I asked.

"Whoever said you were cute? Plus I don't want to lose like a foot of height. So sorry Emily, but things will have to stay as they are." Leo chuckled.

"I so totally am cute." I said defensively, trying to think of another plan.

I was betting anyone related to Leo could also get free coffee. Hmm…

"Hey Leo, I think we should get married." I said.

"Um, Emily, are you feeling okay?" Leo asked looking concerned.

"Oh, I get it. You want me to do it properly. Okay, give me a second." I said and got down to a knee. "Hey Leo, will you marry me?"

"Uh, Emily… wait, is that a straw ring?" He said taking the ring out of my hands.

"Yeah, but you're supposed to let me put it on your finger, not just take it from me!" I replied, getting up from off the ground, "Anyways, now that we're getting married, I can get all the free coffee I want."

Leo sighed, "Emily, I could have given you free coffee anyways. And as much as I like your ring, we're not getting married."

"But– but there was applause! And if you say no to a proposal, you're supposed to give back the ring. Plus, you know it's not all about the coffee. I mean, how do you know it's not about the strapping young robot who just about as pretty as can be?" I said.

"Hey! I thought we established I wasn't a robot." Leo said.

"Of course we did. But nonetheless I demand as my birthday present you marry me." I said.

"I already gave you a birthday present. Remember, coffee?" He said.

"No you didn't. That was all an illusion, a dream actually. You were sleeping. Ooooh," I said while making weird 'dream-like' gestures to convince Leo. It didn't work.

"Um, Emily, you really are weird. And I did give you coffee," Leo said.

"Yeah? Well, nice people give two gifts. And I know you're nice. So marry me already." I replied, trying to convince him any way I could.

"What if we just date and you get all the coffee you want? Would that be a good enough present for you?" He asked, semi-jokingly.

I thought about it. All the delicious coffee in the world and a pretty boy? Unfortunately for Leo, he didn't know I was going to hold him to his word.

"Sounds good to me! Coffee please!" I said, already taking advantage of the free coffee.

"Fine," Leo said already pouring a latte, "But I want to cash in my tip."

"I don't have any cash, y'know." I said, wondering what exactly Leo had on mind.

"I know. I want a kiss actually."

Considering he gave me the best birthday present ever on a day I thought was doomed to from the start, why not?

"Fine, but you're going to have to bend down quite a bit..."

Fin

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Not my best work mostly because I procrastinated and didn't have a chance to polish it. Oh well.

The ironic part [in case the story wasn't ironic enough for you] is that I've only had real coffee once.

Random interesting fact: I got the pretty boy inspiration from my cousins. For some reason, all of my boy cousins have ridiculously long, thick, and dark eyelashes. I have spent many a car ride simply staring at their eyes until they got freaked out and asked me to stop. It's really not fair how the guys in my family got all the pretty traits. [Not that I'm ugly....]

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, or just taken a look!