-- Has to be a One Shot

-- Has to be more than 2500 words - no drabbles please!

-- The main pairing must be het (boy/girl)

-- The story must be Ridiculously Happy ( Yes, all entries will be entered into my C2). That means no Angst, Hurt/Comfort. Lets all be happy! Romance, Humor and General are the preferred genres.

-- Add the phrase 'for the Ridiculously Happy OneShots contest' in your summary.

-- All ratings are accepted, but please keep lemons to a minimum.

-- The story must be in the category Fiction -- Romance

-- The story can be in POV of either the boy or the girl

-- Deadline for story submission is MAY 11

-- PM me the url of your finished story so that I don't have to hunt around for it.

--The story must use irony. (For example, the one thing the boy hates about the girl could be what finally causes him to realize his feelings for her. Be creative!!)

--The girl must be significantly shorter than the guy, and he should make at least 3 comments about this. (Ideally around 1 foot of difference in height.)

-- Submission starts on April 20

--Stories will be judged by voting. ( I'll hold a poll on my profile)

--You can submit a maximum of 3 stories.

If you know the basics of baseball, ignore this part:

For those of you that don't follow softball/baseball, you do need to know a few basic things to completely understand the story. When you're up at bat (hitting), you can either get a ball or strike. A ball is when the umpire considers a pitch unhittable – four of these and you go to the first base automatically. A strike occurs when: a) the ball is hittable and you didn't swing, b) you swung and you missed, or c) you hit the ball, but it was foul (not inside the boundaries of the field). Three of these and you're out. There are four bases – first, second, third, and home. You have to go from first all the way to home to get a point.

The dugout is just where the benches are for the teams to sit.

A grounder is ball that is hit on the ground. Kinda self-explanatory, but I don't want to confuse anyone. If you have any questions or are confused tell me and I'll try to fix the story I was trying to make it as simple as possible for you guys that aren't sports-inclined.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Lily was up to bat. It was my sister's first real softball game and I was nervous for her. First pitch – ball. Second and third pitches quickly followed – both were balls. On the fourth pitch, Lily swung and missed, disobeying the cardinal rule of softball. Don't swing if you have three balls and zero strikes. Finally, on the fifth pitch, Lily hit a grounder to second. The second baseman fumbled a little with the ball and Lily ran as fast her little legs could carry her. Safe.

"OUT AT FIRST!" the umpire yelled, already walking away from the base and back behind home plate. Lily walked back to the dugout, her helmet covered head hanging.

"What do you mean out?" I asked furiously, jumping off of the hot metal bleachers and going to the rust encrusted fence that separated the spectators from the field. The umpire turned to me, his dark eyebrow quirked and replied,

"She was out. It was one of the easiest calls of the day." I gaped at him, my mouth hanging open a little in astonishment. That asshole!

"You need to get your eyes checked." And the stick out of your ass, I added mentally, before turning around and hopping back to my seat.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Lily lost her first game, 4-2. As the players straggled off of the field, I waited patiently by the exit for her. I saw her slowly walking out, her little blonde pigtails looking less than perky, and I wrapped her in a hug. "You did great, Lil."

"We lost, Rosey…" she said dejectedly as I kneeled down beside her. I looked her in the eye and assured her,

"You'll get them next time. You still have eight more games to play anyway." She sighed deeply, like there was no hope the world would be a better place and her team would win a game.

"I guess."

"I know," I told her, ruffling her blonde locks. "C'mon, let's go back home and get some dinner. Mom and Dad will be home in a couple of hours." I grabbed her stiff new glove and started bending it back and forth while walking towards the parking lot. "I bet if you break this glove in a bit more, you'll be better than you already are. It's a lot easier to play once you have a glove you've used for awhile."

"Really?" Lily answered, unsurely.

"Yep," a deep voice answered from behind. I turned my head and saw it was Mr. Umpire. He had his sunglasses perched on the top of his head, revealing his dark blue eyes and the fact that he was around my age. A small smirk was plastered on his face. I glared at him a bit, before turning back to Lily and grabbing her dirty hand,

"Let's go get some ice cream, Lil." She looked at me with a wide grin before exclaiming,

"You're the best sister ever, Rose!"

"Nice to meet you Rose!" Mr. Umpire called to me as I walked away. Making sure Rose wasn't watching, I flipped him the middle finger over my shoulder. I heard a throaty chuckle in the distance.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A couple days later, I found myself at a Pittsburgh Pirates baseball game. My dad got tickets from work and asked if I wanted to go with him. With nothing else going on, I figured I would go to see the Mets. It was hard being a Pirates fan when they hadn't had a winning season for fifteen years.

At the bottom of the sixth, the score was eight to four in favor of the Mets. The sun was beating down and I couldn't take it anymore. "Daddio, can you give me some money for a drink?" He grunted and reached into his faded black wallet to give me a couple bills. "You're the best!"

Grabbing my bag from the cement floor, I slung it over my shoulder, climbed over an empty seat, and started walking towards the concession stands. The line closest to me was filled with a couple drunken college guys, so I figured I would go for a little walk. After five minutes of lazy strolling, I found an empty stand and ordered my Mountain Dew. The change clenched in my left hand, I started walking back before I heard a loud cheer go throughout the stadium. I rushed to the nearest entrance before being knocked down, dropping my pop, silver change scattering across the sticky floor.

"Aw, crap. I'm so sorry. I'll go get you some napkins or something. I wasn't even watching where I was going!" I apologized quickly, not even looking up.

"It's cool. I was coming to see you anyway. I guess I ran into you because I couldn't see you up close. What with your height and all." the stranger replied, a cocky grin gracing his features. I shot my head up and really looked at him this time. It was Mr. Umpire – of course. It would be him.

"What is that supposed to mean, Mr. Umpire?"

"You're short."

"I am not short. I am merely…vertically challenged. And besides, I'm surprised you can even breathe at your altitude. There can't be much oxygen where you're at." I huffily replied.

"I'm surprised you can even see over a steering wheel. Do you need a few pillows to prop yourself up? Can your legs even reach the pedals?"

"I'm not short! You're just a giant! And I don't even know your name, Mr. Umpire!"

"Guess," he replied, eyes sparkling in amusement. I was far from amused.

"Asshole."

"Not quite." He wasn't thrown off in the least by my answer. It only pissed me off a little bit more.

"Urgh!" I cried in frustration, throwing my hands up in the air. "I take back my apology. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go watch the game."

"See you later, Shortie!"

"I doubt that," I said, turning around and starting to walk away.

"You have pop on your ass," Mr. Umpire called out. I found myself flipping him off again.

*~*~*~*~*~*

"Welcome to Townsend University! We're glad you could make it to orientation! Name please?"

"Rose Vine." The girl with the frizzy red hair looked at me a second as if I were small baby who did something cute, before consulting her list of names. I hated my name with a violent passion. My parents thought it would be precious to name all of their female children with a flower-inspired name. The boys got off easy – Adam and Thomas Vine. Lucky bastards. The girl handed me a pack and told me I would be in orientation group three.

I headed back outside and sat on a retaining wall next to where my group would be meeting. Checking my iPod, I saw there was still twenty more minutes to go.

"Hey Shortie! How the hell did you get up that wall? You could have died, you know. It's a long fall…for you anyway." Mr. Umpire strikes again.

"Why are you here?" I asked, silently seething.

"I'm your orientation guide," he replied happily.

"NO! You have got to be shitting me!" I said, gasping dramatically.

"Yes! I shit you not!" I jumped off the wall, grabbed my stuff, and started hurriedly walking away. "Where are you going?"

"Inside. I need to start the transferring process."

"I don't think so," he replied, grabbing my wrist and pulling me back to the wall.

"Stop it!" I cried, slapping his hands away, "You can't just manhandle me!"

"I won't touch you if you stay."

"Fine!" I huffed, blowing my honey colored bangs off of my face. I jumped back on the wall and started bouncing my feet off of the side of it. Mr. Umpire hopped up beside me. I scooted further away from him. He scooted closer. "Stop it!"

"What?" he asked innocently. "I'm not doing anything."

"Yes, you are."

"What am I doing?" I paused a second before replying confidently,

"You're trying to rape me." He looked at me, nonplussed and questioned,

"In broad daylight? With so many witnesses around?" he questioned, gesturing with his hands to the students scattered across the campus.

"Yes, well…you're stupid and you would do it here. I'm very frightened right now, actually. I'm ready to scream 'rape' so you better not try anything, buddy." He let out a bark of laughter.

"I think we got off to a rough start. Let's start again."

"I'd really rather not." I told him, scrunching up my nose in distaste.

"No, really."

"Alright…you better not make me regret this." He grinned and took my hand into his, giving it a quick shake before releasing it.

"I'm Paul. I'm a sophomore majoring in math at TU. I'll be your orientation leader today."

"I'm Rose. It's, uh, nice to meet you."

"That wasn't so bad, was it?"

"It was downright painful, if we're going to be honest here." He laughed again and then started greeting the new students

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Oi, Paul!" I called, my hands curling around the links of the fence.

"Rosey! You made it!"

"I told you I would." I replied crossly, "What's the score?"

"Three to one, good guys."

"Don't blow it."

"Your faith amazes me, Rose." I shrugged me shoulders and shooed him away. He had a game to concentrate on. Picking my way through the bleachers, I found a spot at the top. Paul was up with one player on first base. He hit a hard grounder to the short stop and sprinted to first base. Safe.

"Out at one!" the umpire called out. Boos broke out across the stands, but I was the loudest.

"What do you mean out? What game are you watching, ump?! My ninety year old grandmother could have called it better!" I saw Paul walking back to the dug out and he burst out laughing. He twisted his head around, made eye contact with me, and gave me a little nod. I grinned in response.

The game continued, but TU managed to hang onto the win. I sat outside the dugout after the last inning and started pulling out dandelions to make a crown. A shadow fell across me and I looked up and smiled. Holding out my hand, Paul grabbed it and pulled me up. "Good game!" I told him proudly, hiding the crown behind my back, "I made you a congratulatory present."

"Oh?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Close your eyes," I commanded and then jabbed him with my elbow, "and no peeking!" I took the hat off of his head and placed the dandelions on his head. "Now you're a true champion!" He opened his eyes hesitantly,

"What did you put on me?" I held my compact's mirror up to his face so that he could see. "Thanks Rosey!" Paul grabbed his hat from my hand and shoved it on my head, covering my eyes with its brim. "Now you're a true stud!"

"Stud? Really?"

"Yeah – it attracts all the ladies."

"I don't see any ladies here," I replied teasingly.

"I see one."

"Where?!" I exclaimed, turning around dramatically. "Is she imaginary?"

"Nah, she's right in front of me." I burst out laughing.

"You need to get your eyes checked."

"I feel like you tell me that a lot." He answered, taking a step closer to me. I could smell his cologne and breathed it in. I didn't back away from him.

"Probably because I do."

"I don't need to get my eyes checked though."

"Oh? And why is that?" I asked curiously.

"I know when something good is front of me. And she's right here. I don't think I'll let her go now that I've got her."

"Mr. Umpire, are you implying something?" My heart rate quickened.

"You're what I want. Rose, I want you for forever."

"Paul…I'll take you. Forever. Even if you are cheesy." I told him, beaming. He smiled and wrapped his arms around me and placed a kiss on my forehead. I pulled away and grabbed his hand. "C'mon, let's get some ice cream."

"Are you going to rape me, Rose?"

"Oh, you're funny." I sarcastically answered, slapping him on the shoulder.

"Yeah, you're right. Short people would have a hard time overpowering those of normal height." I smacked him again.

"Ow!"

"Take it like a man, Mr. Umpire!" I commanded, before pulling him down and kissing him on the lips.

"I knew there was a reason why I liked you."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Alrighty, mission complete. This is an extremely late entry. As in….the deadline is a couple hours, as far as I know. Woops? School got in the way. Anyway, this isn't checked very well, but that's probably because of my lack of time. The end was supposed to parallel the beginning, just to clarify. And Townsend University is completely fictional, as far as I am concerned. Unfortunately for me, the Pirates are entirely real. One day…

This is my first story where I didn't draw inspiration from anyone or any event, only my knowledge of softball. Hope you guys liked it. Reviews are always appreciated!

-RMW