There she was the girl of my dreams, the one my heart has waited for, I feel it, and it's her. She doesn't know I am. She has no idea I like her, no idea at all. But she can't know, I can't tell her, I can't tell anyone. No one can know that I am Bi. Especially her. Im sure she would tell everyone, I can't risk it, it's my secret, my deepest secret, I can't tell her, but it will kill me because I know she is the one for me. I gave her my number, and ever since she hasn't stopped texting me or me texting her, we talk all day everyday. They keep coming, haven't stopped since I gave her my number, she likes me, I know it. We went swimming, god this wasn't smart, why I agreed to go swimming. She beautiful! She's absolutely perfect in everyway. What am I doing! You can't tell her, no matter how much you want to you cant! STOP! I look up, my lips trembling its going to come. I can't help but look at her, look at her smiles, her eyes, her face, her body. I lift my self out of the water and sit on the side, my feet in the water, but my feet have gone numb, I can't feel them, im so nervous, im about to say it, I….. I am…. I am… so tired… how about you? She agreed. Im out of the water, it doesn't feel like I am, it feels like im drowning, im drowning in this desire I feel for her, but she will never know, she can't know. I drop her off. Wait for it, just wait for it. Ha! *Vibrate* she texted me like she always does everyday. It's an addiction for the both of us we never stop texting no matter who were with or what were doing us never are out of contact. "I had a lot of fun" she said. My heart dropped. I just want to send it back; I want to send back IM BI and I REALLY LIKE YOU! But I can't instead I reply "me to." Killer, this is killing me, I am dieing without her knowing, my soul and my heart are getting smaller and smaller without her knowing there is nothing I can so though I can't tell her everyone would know. It would be a disaster I haven't known her for that long I don't know if she can keep a secret. And im not even 100% sure she likes me. I go to work. She's there, were working together oh no. Oh I didn't mention oh yahh I work with this girl. May I say FUCK MY LIFE! Indeed I believe I have every right to say fuck my life. Well she's looking at me while im on the stand, she's laughing at me dancing, im jamming im having a good time, and I look over and she's starring, she laughing, so I continue. We talk after work; she's helping me clean the bathroom. She is beginning to talk about her ex girlfriend and im talking about my ex boyfriend. I ask her what kind of girls she into. She says sporty, athletic, likes to be active, basically they are like me. My heart stops, that's ME exactly. This can't be happening im her type and she's my type but I can't tell her. OH GOD GETS ME OUT OF HERE! SO I ask her so like me then, as I begin to laugh like im joking, when really deep down I just took a deep breath to see what she says. She says no you're not my type. Well ladies and gents there goes my heart. Blown up, a tornado hit, it's a disaster, and really it just got ripped in two. So best friends it is. Days god by, and I decided that's it, and I tell her. Driving home from work one night I tell her, I am Bi. I begin to smile. She asks me why I am smiling, I tell her because I really like you. She stares at me and says, well because I really like you. Time went by, I got my first hug, my first kiss, it was great, and then I realize what am I doing, im going to hurt her, im going to school soon, I cant hurt her, I cant so that! That would kill me, so I stop, I call her and tell her this has to end, she agrees but says she doesn't fully understand but she understands most of what our conversation entailed. Im torn, I had her, the girl I waited for so long, the girl that completely holds my heart and she doesn't even know it, and in the end what did I end up doing, exactly what I wasn't trying to do, hurt her. I probly hurt her more this way than just leaving for school would have. WHAT DID I JUST DO.? WE continue talking we continue hanging out, we even continue kissing, till one day I once again tell her no we cant be doing this, and of course the friends come at me with the cussing and the insults, saying why did you do this to her again, why would you do this to her, she didn't do anything to you. So I say I deserve all the things they are saying and move on. I take a week or two to think, she never stays off my mind, there isn't a minute of the day I don't think about her. Not a minute I don't think how wonderful she is how beautiful she is what a great person she is how soft her skin and lips are and how an angel in heaven would look just like her is I had a chance to see one one day. She must have come from heaven, she must be an angel there's no other way around it she's too beautiful for this earth she one million times more beautiful than anyone ive ever met and believe me ive been around for 18 years ive met a lot of people. I had her and I let her go, she was every dream for the last month that I have had and I let my dream go WHAT WAS I THINKING! So we hung out again. And I told her how sorry I was and how much I really liked her. And finally after all this time I have come out to every one and we are finally dating. She is my girlfriend and I am hers and I don't think ever in life I could be happier than what I am right now. Last night we had in-service, its basically we had to work, and we got off early, so we hung out, that I can almost say was one of the best nights of my life, just sitting there with her, talking to her, she's amazing, everything about her is amazing, and we haven't said it yet, but one day I will love her I can feel it coming, its so close, and one day I will tell her and it will be the most romantic way I could ever think of I can be sure of that. She's my princess and im hers and we are going to make it with no prince in the equation! Its better that way, princes always mess things up!