Once upon a time there was a beautiful queen named Kristen Derik. However, she was only beautiful in her kingdom, the famed country of Uglyia.
Uglyia was a place where the beautiful were outcast and the ugly worshiped.
Kristen Derik was the ugliest of all the Uglyians. Everything about her was undesirable and disgusting.
Her hair was short and frizzy, her nose was fat and crooked, her mouth wide, her teeth yellow, her eyes tiny, her jaw squared, and her upper lip even had a giant mole, though hidden by her thick mustache.
Worst of all, Kristen only took a shower once in her life (to wash the blood off when she was born).
Because of Kristen's unhygienic ways, her forehead was covered in giant whiteheads the size of pregnant cows, and her hair and mustache caked with food, lice, and dirt.
Despite all these horrific qualities, Kristen's people loved her. They loved her scratchy voice, her cruelty, her witch's cackle, and more than anything, they loved her belly.
Kristen's belly was a magical thing, stretching miles and miles wide. No other Uglyian had ever been able to grow such a wondrous belly.
Her belly was coated with thick, coarse hairs, which some Uglyians cut and wove into baskets and blankets. Inside the hairs lived many animals such as dogs, cat, rabbits, and even deer. Hunters from far away traveled to Uglyia just to hunt in Kristen's belly hairs.
However, Kristen's belly was a dangerous place. Many people went in and never came out again.
There were giant fleas that ate anyone in its path, there were giant pimples that ate everyone who came near it, and then, there was It.
It was a giant, gaping hole in the middle of Kristen's belly. No one knew what It was, but some people said that it was just a giant, bottomless pit, others said it was a portal to another world, some even said it was gateway to Hell. When the hole was first discovered, explorers from all over the world came and went into the hole, in hopes of discovering something grand and becoming famous and rich.
None of them were ever seen again.
Finally, after many disappearances, explorers stopped coming.
Many years pasted, and no one else dared to go down into the hole. Uglyians thought that the mystery would never be solved.
Then one day, two explorers by the name of Erik Silver and Caelan Sky came to Uglyia.
Erik was tall and skinny, with eyes the color of a dirty swamp and a thick orange beard around his face. Caelen was his opposite; he was short, fat and had a tiny, squashed nose with giant, flaring nostrils.
The two strange men came to Uglyia in the most unusual way, on Boogerback.
Boogers were giant yellow ticks that lived only in the meadows of Kristen's nose, and were very valuable once tamed.
However, Boogers were almost extinct, due to allergy season, during which Kristen tended to sneeze them out and crush them. A few Boogers survived by being flicked to different countries by a few of Kristen's servants, but there were only 6 known Boogers left in the world. This is why it was a great shock to see two Boogers being ridden into Uglyia, side by side.
By the time Erik and Caelan got to Kristen's huge, ugly palace, news of the two gallant explorers had already spread all over Uglyia, and huge crowds of Uglyians had gathered around the palace walls to greet them.
"Well, would you look at that," Erik said, chuckling, as he scanned the crowds of Uglyians from atop his Booger. "It seems we have already caused quite a stir."
Caelan wrinkled his nose in distaste. "They don't call these people Uglyians for nothing, do they?" he remarked, as an old hag gave him a wide, toothless grin.
Erik laughed merrily, "Just wait till you see their queen," he replied.
Caelan shuddered, but began pushing through the crowd toward the palace doors.