one night alone

it's two minutes past two and i've been waiting for you to call
all night. you told me that you would.

i'm lying here, alone,
wrapping myself up in blankets
because i can't wrap myself in you.
didn't you promise me you would be here?

all i want to do is call you up crying
and say that while, yes, i've been known to tell you
i need you, i was miserable without you,
and so on,
sometimes i feel i've simply traded one set of miseries
for another:

the misery of being single, alone, lonely, not good enough,
for that of being taken, alone, lonely, not good enough.

i am lying here,
trying to sleep so as not to feel desperate
and failing.

i'm trying to tell myself that you are not worth this,
but it's crystal clear
which of us isn't worth what to the other.

i want to scream at you, but i won't
if you call me
and come here
and hold me
right now.