Zombie Island- A Swell Place To Spend Your Summer Break!
The Alternative Vacation Plan of the Memento Mori Corportation (MeMori Co.™)
In these troubling economic times, your family is always looking for ways to have a blast while staying within budget. Whether it's board games, gardening, or 'that awkward conversation about why your teenage son might have decided to paint his nails rainbow'- you've got the fun factor in the bag!
But what about vacation?
Yes, indeed. What about it? Let's face it- you're only human, and there's only 25 hours in the day, and no matter how often you dream of packing up the Mrs., Mary, and little Billy for a three-week extravaganza in Vegas, you must eventually wake up to face the facts: you have just drooled all over the office LaserJet. With fuel costs still on the rise, even a family road trip to Tuscaloosa might seem a tad bit… sumptuous.
So how can you spend some quality time with the family without breaking your bank?
Well, MeMori Co. is proud to say that they have pioneered the way!
Today, we unveil their latest achievement in alternative vacation technology: Zombie Island!
Yes, Zombie Island- the swell place to spend your summer break! Located just a few miles off the coast of Nova Scotia, this intensely private island boasts of a spectacular climate- which we believe is Canadian for 'a hunk of rock in the middle of nowhere'.
Your magical journey begins in media res- which is fancy way of saying' the minute your boat starts taking on water and you find yourself and the kids bonding in open water. The entrance to the Zombie Island Resort is located on the northern-most side of the island, accessible via mostly harmless rip tide.
Once you've made your way up the beach, please follow the footpaths- conveniently marked with cheery neon Bio-Hazard signs. Please remember to stay on the trail and keep your arms, legs, and any additional appendages within the queue at all times- MeMori Inc. can not be held responsible for any minor injuries resulting in deviating from the trail.
Sometime by nightfall, your family should arrive at your designated MeMori Co. Patented Limited Edition Industrial Strength Resort Cottages™. You may find they are remarkably similar in outward appearance to military bunkers, but we urge you not to judge by first impressions.
Simply twist open the hatchway and enter your temporary home-away-from-home- you don't even have to check in! You will find that your Luxury Cottage Suite comes fully equipped with two extra-wide traveling beds and a mini-fridge stocked with complimentary canned goods and all the ingredients necessary for a Molotov cocktail.
Unfortunately, room service and housekeeping are suspended for the time being, due to some of our employees' tendencies to not show up for work every now and again. We are currently investigating the issue at hand.
When the whole family is feeling rested, refreshed, and slightly less waterlogged than before, you can take your time exploring the plethora of fun activities that Zombie Island has to offer including Life or Death Laser Tag (with actual realistic guns that actually fire realistic ammo!) and the snorkeling experience we guarantee you've never had before- located in the heart of our private Mako shark sanctuary.
If you're not sure where to start- why not get some advice from the locals? They can be found all over the island and are easily distinguished by their ashen skin, pale milky eyes, and their insatiable hunger to… pinch little Billy's cheek really, really hard.
Unfortunately, also due to their insatiable hunger, there are very few fast-food dining options available on the island. Fishing is prohibited in private resort waters, and terrestrial food sources are limited, so we urge you to enjoy your mini-fridge rations responsibly.
As part of an on-going study, MeMori Co. will also provide your family with the appropriate number of camcorders, so that you can share your vacationing tips and experiences will be preserved for subsequent visitors. And, because the camcorders are heavy-duty, it doesn't matter where you drop them- our representatives make it their personal commitment to tracking down each and every one.
So the next time you're planning a family getaway, consider Memento Mori Corporation's alternative vacations plan. Zombie Island: it's a deal to die for!