At this point, I don't even know who the idiot really is. Is it Ashton, for thinking I'd just forgive and forget everything he's done in the past? Or, is the true idiot me, for not just telling him how I really feel and making everything even more complicated than it already is? Maybe, we're both idiots. Maybe, this whole "thing" is idiotic.
Just thinking about this, all of this, it seems completely ridiculous. I mean, is it even really worth it? Most of the time I can't stand Ashton. He's conceited and annoying and just overall exhausting. He is the definition of an asshole.
That's all he is, an asshole who has happened to get himself entangled in my previously peaceful and happy life. I should've gotten rid of him before it got this far, I should get rid of him, but for some reason, I just can't.
Sure he's an asshole and he's conceited and he stresses me out, but sometimes… he's the complete opposite. I don't even really know how to explain it, but it's almost as if he has a split personality or something. Ashton Dupont; asshole by day, sweet guy by night!
I scoffed humorlessly to myself under my breath, I just don't get him.
I don't understand him at all! I don't know what the hell to believe when it comes to him. How am I supposed to believe anything he says? How am I supposed to trust what he says? Doesn't he understand that? I might've rejected him and I know that probably hurt him, but what about me?
I just don't want to be hurt! I'm vulnerable right now, and frankly, I don't like that feeling. Maybe that's why… I couldn't tell him the truth. It doesn't really help the whole situation, but I don't particularly trust Ashton with my feelings. I don't like to trust people with my feelings, it makes you vulnerable to them, and I don't want that. I don't want Ashton to be able to hurt me like that. It's kind of frightening…in an odd sense.
I just want to ignore it all, like he decided to ignore me today, but I can't bring myself to do that. It just doesn't feel right. I mean Ashton was able to tell me, so shouldn't I be able to tell him? It's only right, it's only fair, and…I want to tell him. There, I've admitted it! I want to tell him, I want to tell him, I want to tell him!
Why? I've got absolutely no idea, but I do, and I'll be damned if I don't tell him today!
I turned towards Sam, hoping that she didn't notice me blocking out her voice in favor of my own thoughts.
"Yeah?" I questioned as her eyes narrowed at me accusingly.
"Did you hear anything I just said?" Sam whined at me pouting.
Sam sighed as she overdramatically threw her head back nearly injuring Peter in the process.
"Okay, what's going on? You've been acting weird all day!"
I shrugged, "What do you mean?"
"You haven't threatened Ashton's life, car, or his balls today. …Are you sick?" Sam glanced me over warily, looking genuinely concerned.
Peter snorted in disdain, "You know what? I'm glad I don't have to hear about that fucking asshole today."
All movement and signs of life in the busy school hall seemed to halt. The boisterous conversations and barely uttered sounds of gossip completely paused. All my attention turned its way towards the normally introverted and mostly silent Peter. The sound of Sam letting out a sound equal to that of what I can only describe as a dying moose, brought the movement and life back to the hall.
Sam just stood there in shock, gaping at Peter like a fish out of water, as her face steadily became more and more flushed beginning to resemble that of a lobster's. I'm pretty sure I looked equally as ridiculous as I eyed Peter in pure awe, confused to his sudden change in personality.
"P-Peter? Did you…did you just, " Sam leaned in closely towards Peter as her voice dropped several decibels as if she was uttering some forbidden secret, "curse?"
Peter let out an exasperated sounding huff as he dismissively rolled his eyes, "Yes Samantha, I did. Is it really all that shocking?"
"Peter, you never curse!" Sam gasped glancing at Peter like he suddenly changed into someone completely different.
Peter shrugged, not looking ashamed at all, "Well, I decided to. It's not the end of the world Samantha!"
"Might as well be…" Samantha muttered as she slowly, but surely began to calm down.
"I'm only telling the truth! He's an asshole. He just pisses me off!" Peter snarled as his usually relaxed body began to tense.
It shouldn't have been all that shocking really. It's always been obvious that Peter doesn't like Ashton, but as far as I know, it was always out of fear. However, Peter didn't look scared, not at all, he looked genuinely pissed off. I've never seen him like that before. It was slightly…disturbing. Though, I must admit, that I've noticed Peter acting a bit strange today. Just last period in Calculus, he seemed really mad about something. He kept sending Ashton these odd glances, like he was giving him some type of warning or something.
"Peter, is Ashton messing with you or something?" Sam demanded giving Peter a dangerous look that just screamed, 'lie to me and see what happens'.
"No Samantha, he's not. I just kind of "exploded" there. He just annoys me, you know that." Peter muttered awkwardly rolling his shoulders in discomfort before continuing, "It doesn't matter anyway. He won't be bothering me anymore."
Peter gave Sam perhaps the fakest looking smile in an attempt to comfort her before letting out a deep breath, "What does it matter anyway? Let's go to lunch, I don't want to be stuck in the line forever."
With that statement, Peter simply walked away without waiting for any type of response.
"Who was that?" Sam queried watching Peter's retreating form.
"I could ask you the exact same thing."
Sam shrugged, "Maybe lunch will make him feel better," She began walking away but paused when she noticed that I didn't follow behind her, "…you just gonna stand there?"
Damn. How do I get out of this situation without making Sam suspicious or the whole thing awkward?
"Actually, I'm going to have lunch outside today." I explained.
"Really? You want to eat outside? Okay, I'll just get Peter and we'll-"
I winced slightly under my breath at the harsh tone that managed to slip its way out of my mouth.
"Oh," Sam's eyes met mine, and I couldn't help, but avert mine in turn.
She chuckled awkwardly at this and gave me a weak smile, "So…is there any chance of you telling me what you really plan on doing during lunch?"
I chuckled awkwardly as well, "I will. Eventually."
At this Sam frowned and turned away from me, "Both of my friends are lying to me today. There must be some type of a connection. Right?"
Sam's words haunted me as I uncomfortably perched myself on one of the bleacher's steel support beams. There couldn't possibly be any type of connection between Peter and me both lying today. We're both lying over two completely different things, though they do just so happen to deal with the same person.
Ashton. It's all just a coincidence, but it's still weird regardless.
I never thought Peter would be the type to keep secrets, especially from Sam. I haven't known them for all that long, but they are the only two people I talk to in school aside from Ashton and his brothers. They seem to be pretty close to me. So, what exactly is Peter hiding anyway? Maybe, secretly Peter's a total badass, and he is bullying Ashton for a change. I laughed at the mental images my mind managed to conjure up, that would never happen! Peter's a total sweetheart, I don't think he'd ever be able to hurt anyone.
Much unlike Ashton. Then again, I can't really imagine Ashton actually hitting anyone either. He doesn't seem like the type of person to get into a fistfight. He's too much of a pretty boy for that. I snorted to myself at the realization of my thoughts. Ashton is a pretty boy! …A pretty boy!
How do I go from my last boyfriend to a blonde-haired, blue eyed, white guy?
It's crazy, all of this is crazy! What am I even doing here waiting for him? How would any type of relationship even work out? It's just too…different. Should I even try this? …Or should I just walk away while I still have the chance?
I glanced out past the fields as I let out a groan of exasperation. Where the hell is Ashton anyway? It's already fifteen minutes into lunch, if he doesn't show up soon I think I'm going to chicken out and go hide in the bathroom for the rest of lunch or something…
"I didn't take you as the type to gaze into the distance."
My irritation instantly flared up at the comment and I could feel my face beginning to heat up in a strange mixture of anger and embarrassment, "Where the hell have you been? I've been…" I paused as my eyes connected with a pair of confused looking brown ones instead of blue.
"Oh, hey there Bryce." I deadpanned.
Bryce scoffed, "Oh please Kiara! Don't sound so excited to see me!"
I probably sound like a brat feeling sorry for myself over nothing. I can't believe that I actually thought Ashton would show up! You would think that threatening the livelihood of someone's overly expensive car and publicly humiliating them would be effective enough to make them actually show up.
Guess that's not true in Ashton's case. Maybe, he's some type of masochist and he secretly enjoys me destroying his property. Though really, who am I to go around calling him a masochist? I must be a bit of one myself. After all, I'm the one who's sitting here and waiting for a total player. How stupid of me to believe that he actually had some sort of feelings towards me as well. And to think that I actually…
The feeling of warm fingers brushing against my shoulder shocked me out of my thoughts, "you know, he's not worth it right?"
My heart actually felt like it stopped beating in that moment, "W-what are you talking about?"
Bryce laughed heartily, his fingers still in place, "Why Ashton of course!"
How does Bryce even know about anything?
Bryce finally removed his fingers as he casually sat down besides me, "Just thought you should know."
I opened my mouth to question Bryce's knowledge, but he swiftly interrupted, "Next time you two have a little "lover's quarrel", maybe you shouldn't be so loud and perhaps you shouldn't do it right under my bedroom window."
I flushed in embarrassment as I struggled to form some type of a response to Bryce's statements.
"You're making a mistake you know?" Bryce interjected as he smiled at me, almost pitifully.
I stood up from my spot on the support beam as I finally decided to act more like myself and less like the flustered piece of pathetic-ness I'd been acting like as of lately, "It's none of your business Bryce! What are you even doing eavesdropping?"
I found myself suddenly angered at Bryce's words. Who is he to judge what's been going on when he's got nothing to do with it? Who is he to just tell me that I've made a mistake? Sure…I might feel like I've made a mistake right now, but I don't need anyone rubbing it in my face! Besides, who knows maybe blondie just might show up a bit late.
I have faith in him, albeit a really small bit of faith. It's faith nonetheless even if it is clouded by my constantly conflicting opinions. I think I know what someone with multiple personality disorder feels like right now.
"I wasn't eavesdropping. You two were hollering at each other!" Bryce defended himself as he threw his hands up in defense, like I would actually hit him.
I took notice of my clenched left hand and sighed as I forced myself to relax it, "Regardless, I don't need your opinion!" I snapped crossing my arms.
Bryce shook his head at me as he stood up as well, "No, no, no you don't want my opinion. There's a difference between what a person needs and wants."
"Are you trying to say something," I seethed narrowing my eyes at the usually friendly face, "are you calling me stupid?"
Bryce groaned as he looked up at the sky before back down at me, "You're really stubborn you know that? I'm not really calling you stupid if you think about. I'm just saying that you are temporarily acting stupid."
I closed my eyes as I began to countdown from ten in my mind, "Give me one reason not to kick your ass right now!"
Bryce scoffed as he grabbed both my hands in his, "First of all, I'm a lot bigger than you so I'm pretty sure you couldn't kick my ass even if you wanted to."
I struggled against Bryce's grip becoming more and more frustrated, "Let me go or I'll scream rape!"
"I promise I'll let you go once I'm done talking you."
I contemplated taking a cheap shot to get away from Bryce, but I decided to hear him out before doing anything drastic.
"Fine," I spat out rolling my eyes, "say what you need to say. I must warn you though, I'm not exactly having a good day today. So, anything you say, may result in bodily harm."
"You know, it's really cute when you try to be scary?"
Great. I've gone from threatening to cute. Way to knock my self esteem down even more California!
Bryce let out a long breath before he suddenly made eye contact with me looking completely serious, "All I'm trying to tell you Kiara is that…you're wasting your time with him. Okay? I mean you're all by yourself under the disgusting football bleachers. What are you even doing here?"
I laughed humorlessly to myself as I broke eye contact in discomfort, "Waiting."
"What are you even doing waiting for him? I'm telling you he's not worth the time. I know him Kiara, he's my brother. He's into this you know? He's done it before. Messing around with girls and making them think he actually cares when he really doesn't. It's all a game. Everyone gets hurt, everyone but him."
I pressed my lips together feeling a slight pang deep within my chest. Bryce is telling the truth, Ashton likes to play games. He does, but I could've sworn, the other day, he looked so hurt when I told him no. He didn't sound like the usual overconfident Ashton everyone knows. He sounded like he was about to…cry. You can't just fake all of that, can you? Then today, he practically ran away from me. Something very un-Ashton like. When I finally got his attention, it was like he couldn't even look at me anymore. You can't just fake that, right? And, he held me…he actually held me while I was crying like some little girl. I've never had anyone comfort me like that besides my mother. It felt so…perfect.
"It's different." I explained in a weak defense, it even sounded ridiculous to my ears.
Bryce only laughed, though it didn't sound like he found anything funny, "What makes you so sure?"
I don't even know. Should I?
"I'll admit, Ashton does treat you differently then he does other girls, but I still don't believe him."
I finally gathered the strength and made eye contact with Bryce again, "It's not about you Bryce."
Bryce sighed in defeat as he finally let me go and smiled at me, a genuine smile, "You know what, you're right, it's not about me at all. I shouldn't even care. I never did with all those other girls."
I nodded agreeing with Bryce silently.
"You know what though Kiara, you're different."
I scoffed playfully rolling my eyes, "So I've been told."
"No, I mean you're different from those other girls. I do care Kiara. Maybe, a bit too much."
I flushed at his words as I shifted around on my feet, "That's sweet Bryce but…"
Bryce halted me as he held me still by my shoulders, "Why won't you just listen to me? Ashton's not worth your time!"
"You don't know that Bryce." I interjected. "When's the last time I even talked to you? You don't me and I don't know you."
"True," Bryce agreed shrugging, "but, you've been too busy with the blonde devil to pay any attention to me. I care Kiara and I don't want Ashton to hurt you."
"I don't need-"
"I think that you're completely missing the point. You know, you said this isn't about me and I agreed, but you know what that was a lie. It's about me too. I don't think Ashton deserves you. I don't even think he deserves a chance with you. He's an uncaring asshole and that's all he'll ever be, but I care about you Kiara. I like you and I'm not going to let Ashton take another girl away from me."
Just hearing those simple, yet powerful words was enough to send an odd tingling chill down my spine. It didn't feel right…but, it didn't feel wrong either.
How am I supposed to respond?
"I don't know what to say. This is really-"
"Awkward?" Bryce finished for me.
I nodded silently leaning my head against Bryce's chest. I don't know why I did, but it felt right, so I went with it. Consciously, I knew it really wasn't the right thing to do. I mean, all I'm doing is leading him on…I think. I'm trying to figure out my feelings for Ashton, not Bryce.
"It is." Bryce agreed as he gently brushed my hair away from my face. Before I was even able to comprehend what he planned on doing, I felt the faint brush of lips across my forehead. "But, I really don't care."
A rattling from the bleachers brought me back to my senses and I pulled myself away from Bryce shaking my head, "That shouldn't have happened."
"Kiara." Bryce stepped towards me and I stepped away in turn.
"That shouldn't have happened Bryce! Why would you do that?" I demanded feeling myself slowly spiraling out of control.
"What do you mean why would I do that? Kiara, I like you."
"No, no, just no." I muttered under my breath massaging my temples. "I'm sorry Bryce, I'm really sorry. I need to leave."
I turned away from Bryce planning on storming off, but my eyes collided with familiar blue ones.
Fuck. Just fuck. Fuckkity, fucking, fuck!
"What's going on?" Ashton queried cocking his head to this side. The question sounded innocent enough, but if there's one thing I know about Ashton, it's that he doesn't ask questions, unless he thinks you're going to try to lie about something.
"Actually, I was just leaving, see you around Kiara." Bryce walked away with a guise of complete innocence, leaving me to deal with Ashton.
I turned towards Ashton hoping that I didn't look nearly as guilty as I felt, "You're late."
"I know, but I'm here aren't I? Your threat didn't specify a time." Ashton replied to me smirking bitterly.
"What's wrong with you?"
"Well," Ashton scoffed narrowing his eyes at me, "You're under the bleachers with the gorilla after you threatened me to come here!"
"We were talking!" I lied.
"Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit! Now you're the one lying!" Ashton hissed.
I didn't say anything.
Ashton scoffed again throwing his hands up, "And there you go again giving me the silent treatment! You came here to tell me something so just say it!"
I still didn't say anything.
"You know what? Fine. Don't talk to me. If you need me, I'll be committing fratricide!"
"Are you jealous?" I questioned under my breath.
"Are you jealous?" I repeated.
"What kind of a question is that?"
I shrugged, "It's a question."
Ashton looked me over like I suddenly grew a second head, "Yes! Why would you ask something like that?"
I shrugged again and Ashton groaned turning his back towards me, "You make my head hurt."
A surprisingly comfortable silence fell between us and I decided to put my big girl panties on and do what I came here to do.
I haven't ever been exactly good with telling guys I like them. I don't know what it is, but I'm not good at confessing things to people. The last time I told a boy I liked him, I was a pigtailed third grader. The boy called me yucky and ran away from me screaming. I didn't handle it very well, in fact, if I remember correctly, I beat him up afterwards for rejecting me. Poor kid…he's been getting beat up all the time ever since, I think I started some sort of sick cycle.
What am I going to do if Ashton rejects me? I'm not in third grade anymore…I can't just beat him up. I'm a sixteen year old young woman, I'll just go cry or something, I've been doing a lot of that lately.
"Ashton," I started and felt my throat almost immediately close up as he turned to face me.
I glanced away from Ashton as a scorching feeling overcame my entire face, "I…I like you."
His hands reached out to gently hold my face as he forced me to look at him. I attempted to pull away but he kept me in place just looking at me.
"Do you…do you mean it?" His previously impassive looking face crumpled into one of a sad little boy, I wanted to run away then, as far as I could go, but I knew that I couldn't.
I hurt him. I actually hurt him. The arrogant, cocky, playboy, Ashton Dupont.
I wanted to say something, anything at all, but yet again the words wouldn't escape from my throat.
"Kiara?" The helplessness in his voice made my heart crumble. I could tell he meant it, he meant everything he told me yesterday.
And that reassurance was enough to allow the words to finally escape from my barrier.
He pulled me against him suddenly, in a grasp too tight for comfort, yet perfect in the same way.
"Good," Ashton whispered under his breath, barely loud enough for me to hear.
Honestly, I don't think I was supposed to hear it all, but it made me feel better nonetheless.
"So, you don't think I'm a terrible person?"
I scoffed lightly and smiled at him, "Not all the time, besides I think I can deal with it."
Ashton pulled away, and looked at me questioningly.
"So…what does this mean exactly?"
I snorted and rolled my eyes, "Perhaps, that I'm not one of your booty calls and I'm not to be used for blackmailing purposes?"
Ashton opened his mouth to speak, but I stopped him.
"Before you start to say anything, I'm demanding something from you, right now. Don't bullshit me Ashton, I don't have time for bullshit. So if this is some game to you, let me warn you, if you hurt me, I'll hurt you too."
Ashton smiled at me, a genuine smile, that made my heart flutter and sent my suspicions temporarily away.
"I know you will. That's why you're different Kiara…and why you scare me too. In a good way though."
I mutely nodded, crossing my arms over my chest, "So what now?"
"Well," Ashton started, "now we can go on a romantic frolic through the fields. Or, now that we're done confessing, we can stop treating each other like shit…and just see what happens."
"…For once I completely agree with you."
Authors note: So…this is rather awkward isn't it? This chapter should've been up on Fictionpress a LONG time ago. I completely failed my goal of updating in two weeks! D: I promise, this chapter would've been up earlier, but I recently went on a Summer vacation. The free wi-fi at my hotel wouldn't let me upload any documents for some reason, so I apologize. The next chapter WILL be up in two weeks, so be on the lookout! Hope you guys enjoy the chapter! (I had a hard time with it for some reason! T.T)