I'm alone,
Not just lonely or alone physically,
Everyone has moved on,
And I want to so badly,
I just can't bring myself to be ready.
I'd finally pulled myself back together,

Found out how to be happy without compromising myself,
Found the people I thought I was supposed to be with,
And now every one of them is gone.

I should have gone with them,
That's what everyone expects me to say,
But it isn't what I want,
I love my home,
It's the only place I've ever known,
My whole life,
And maybe it isn't a good thing,
But it's there.

If I'm going to wish for things,
I'm going to wish them back,
Just have one more year to redo it right,
The voice that keeps resounding in the back of my head,
It says they won't.

I should probably listen to it,
It's smarter than me right now.
And god, I've been so stupid lately,
I've been living off of my heart too much,
And my head has just been sitting,
Trying to even out my sorrows logically,
But it can't.

Why?
I let my heart break again,
To the one person who I never thought I could give it to,
And he took it at first,
He looked me in the eyes and smiled,
That happy, drowsy loving way that makes me melt.

The next day he handed it back,
He listened to his head after he got a chance,
And I did for so many years,
After my heart broke in half the first time, twice,
Once for each of the two boys I'd been in love with,
At the same time,
I only gave my heart to my family,
And the one friend I knew I could trust with my life,
They kept it so safe,
They let it alone, yelling sometimes,
But always out of love and not rejection.

He didn't shout, or smack,
He didn't let his hands go where I tried to keep them away from,
He didn't use any language I was afraid of hearing,
But here I am, not crying,
Wishing I could.

Wishes and empty promises,
That's all have left,
My intelligence is slipping through my fingers,
Like grains of sand through an hourglass,
It doesn't really matter though,
None of it really matters.

Originally Written: September 2008.