As I sat in my desk at school thoughts of a certain someone plagued my mind. (Sigh!) It's saddening to know you barely exist to the guy you like.
I mean, you stand near him or stare at him from across the hall, you'd think he'd notice someone staring at him. But of course not! Then you work yourself up when he by chance glances at you or your general vicinity. You feel high and happy the rest of the day but at the end of the day he was really smiling or looking at someone behind you, or just happened to smile at something funny a friend said and looked in your direction at the clock or something.
I hate that feeling. I hate that a guy that I don't know but I have feelings for (for some unknown reason) can make me feel like that. That he can distract me just by seeing him once in the halls. Or can make me feel happy and hyper by just our eyes meeting once that day. Can make my heart beat frantically and lose my breath when our eyes meet or stand close to each other. I hate it! I feel so unguarded so....easy in a way. I feel so vulnerable, like I would do anything just to have our eyes meet and for him to smile at me, but when he'd realize who I was and that I was staring, he'd just ignore me and go on his merry way.
What would happen if he actually did start talking to me? Would I stutter and lie just to get him to like me? Oh God, I hope not!! I don't understand why girl and guys do that. Why they lie just have someone to like them. It's odd. Because if you don't have anything in common at all, not even a tiny maybe odd thing. What makes you think you are actually going to make it? What makes you think that you'll enjoy their company for long periods of time? Fine we can imagine, daydream, fantasize but that doesn't mean it's going to end up that way. That doesn't mean we're going to get the guy or the girl.