Alyson

Dear Diary,

You know what I just realized? That there is only one page left in this whole diary. Well, of course, there are some pages in the middle which I left after that horrible poisoning incident, but I can't go behind in my life, can I? My only option is to move ahead, close this book, and start afresh. But I don't want to do that. You've been a loyal keeper of my thoughts, my companion through a lot of difficult things, and I really don't want to close this book forever.

So I will attempt to make my handwriting very, very tiny, and squeeze in one last entry.

I'm wondering whether to even go through the trouble of buying a new book. I'm so busy all the time that I never get the time to write. You know that, diary, because I flipped back a few pages and it has been weeks since I last wrote a proper, complete entry. Otherwise there are just fragments. But maybe I will buy a new book, for moments when I need to compose my thoughts, because I just read a few of the old entries and realized that sometimes, if it was not for this diary, I might have fallen apart.

But that's really not what I wanted to write about today. That's not even what I want to think about today. Today, I just wanted to give you a run down on what is going on with me right now. The events in my life right now are actually people, and I don't know where to begin: Aunt Jo, Lady Tuhina, Ray, Aiden, Lord Daniel, Bran, Edmund, Trist, Meredith…

Guess I'll start with something that makes my blood boil just thinking about it. Aunt Joanna always ends up doing this to me, no matter how many times I convince myself that I really love her, she always ends up making me want to shout at her and scream at her. Yesterday, she informed me, in her very cool and calm voice, that I was going to have to leave healing, that it was very 'dangerous' for me, that she hoped I understood and would just come with her.

And that was when I realized this: she doesn't understand me at all, just like she didn't ever understand my mother. She's never understood what healing means to me, what it feels like to be able to give back life to someone who thinks they are dead, what it means to lessen the pain of someone who is suffering, what it means to know that if it was not for you, a particular person might be dead. Only one person understands that, Lady T. and she was the one I went to, and she was the one who convinced Aunt Jo to let me continue with the healing. I don't know what she said, exactly, but she was pretty angry and I bet Aunt Jo has finally found someone that she is afraid of.

Oh, I haven't told you this before, have I? Aunt Jo is getting married, to Lord Daniel. Soon, but we don't know exactly when yet. I like Lord Daniel, and if this happens then Lady Tuhina will really be part of my family. She'll be, in some odd way, my grandmother. I like that thought. I don't think she approves of the wedding though. Maybe that's why Aunt Jo is getting so crazy.

Ok, who's next on my list? Oh yes, Ray. And Aiden. I might as well write about them both together. Aiden wants to spend every free moment of the day with me. Seriously. When I'm not doing any healing lessons (normal school is having a little break right now) I'm always with him. I like it. He's very nice and funny and he cares a lot about me. Edmund doesn't seem to like us being together so much, though. I mean, he pretends that he doesn't care but he does, I can see. I can only wonder if it's because his best friend doesn't spend much time with him or because he's protective of me. Maybe both. He used to fight a lot with the boys in the village who used to tease me.

Mm…I did tell Ray about Aiden, just to get an unbiased opinion on him. Ray agrees that I'm too young to get involved in something like this, but he has agreed to observe Aiden for a little while. Sometimes he makes me laugh, because Ray is as protective of me as Edmund is, and he's really, really bad at lying. But he's nice and kind and helpful and I really don't mind. It's a nice kind of protectiveness. It makes me feel safe.

However, this means that the only person who really approves of Aiden is Bran, and I thought Bran really didn't like him. I think Dacey has a lot more to do with this than Bran will admit. He's been spending a lot of time with her, and he seems almost cheerful now, or at least he's trying valiantly to be cheerful. I don't think I would have been able to be as happy if I discovered one day that I'd lost all my healing powers. He's really brave, my older brother.

Oh, just looked at my list. Tristan and Meredith like Aiden too. They're actually just impressed because he's so old, I know. It's mostly because they don't have older siblings. I have Edmund and Bran and I don't feel like that's something to be impressed about at all. Meredith can hardly open her mouth if one of them is even sitting in the same room. That's so silly!

Hmm…there is still some space left. What shall I write about now? It's funny that I have nothing to write about when my days are so busy that I barely have time to breathe. Just take yesterday, I woke up at dawn to attend my healing class, and then I was in the Illness Wing for another few hours because there was some accident in the city and there were a lot of people injured, and they had to be healed and there were so few healers. We're having a trouble with supplies though, now that we're at the end of winter. The herbs in the hot houses are almost exhausted, and new herbs haven't quite grown yet, and we have to make do with preserved extracts as much as we can, and that really isn't the same.

There is an old man in the hot house in the city who is quite friendly. I went over there once with Lady T. and once alone and once with Ray, and he always did his best to give me as many herbs as there were, and grow some more quickly. He's also promised to grow some more next winter. The last time I went he gave me a flower. That was nice of him, wasn't it? Lady T. didn't approve much though. She doesn't let me go alone there any longer, always with Ray.

Lady T. is taking extra classes now, so I don't even feel like there is break from school. Ray told me a few days ago that she's removed every other apprentice she was teaching. I'm quite flattered by that, actually. Lady T. never tells me I'm doing well, because she says I will go grow conceited, but sometimes she will stop and smile at me, and I don't care about anything else.

Diary, I'm very happy today somehow. Outside, the sun is finally shining, and little buds are beginning to bloom and there are some birds chirping and a nice fragrance in the air. I'm almost out of place now, but just so you're not worried about me I'll leave you with some simple lines.

I know everything's not alright yet. I know there are a lot of things I still need to understand, lessons I have to learn, things I have to put right. But I also know one more thing: that spring is coming, dear diary, and somehow, someday, everything is going to be alright. I'm going to be alright.

Goodbye, dear diary.

Love,

Aly.

THE END