Author's note: This is a revised and improved version of my older story, Hope of Paradise. I've changed a few facts to make it more historically accurate and have hopefully built upon the main character's characterization as well. I've been trying to perfect this story, so please leave constructive criticism if you can. I'd like to make sure that the main character's inner thought processes, and the realization and decision he eventually comes to, seem realistic and genuine, rather than sudden or contrived. Please leave feedback on this or on anything else you'd like to mention. Thank you very much for reading!
He was running away, ignoring whoever sought him and making every effort to avoid being found.
In fact, it seemed that he was having to do that a lot these days. Every time Joha stole something, the original owner and any other people who happened to be there at the time came running after him to try to bring him to justice. And that was exactly what was happening now; he had just been at the marketplace and helped himself to a handful of gold coins from the livestock trader. It probably wasn't all that much—Joha hadn't had time yet to sit down and count it—but it was something, hopefully enough to support him for another week or two.
He looked behind him and saw the livestock trader, a large and burly man, close on his trail, his rage fueling his body and giving way to furious shouts. Joha was inclined to snicker to himself; the trader probably thought that he actually had a chance of catching the thief. But Joha knew that he was the best at what he did; he had never been caught, and as far as he was concerned, he never would be.
Still running past the various obstacles that stood in his way, Joha ignored the oncoming opposition and looked ahead. The sight he saw brought him gladness: a large crowd. It wouldn't be hard to lose his pursuers inside it. Neither his physique nor his face were particularly out of the ordinary, and he was fairly sure that none of them had gotten a good look at him, so once he was among everyone else, they would be hard-pressed to recognize him. He tucked the small bag of coins inside his cloak, and then, running on the last leg of his journey toward safety, he ducked into the crowd of people standing around and seeking to trade their items. As soon as he was among them, he stopped running—running would make it obvious that he had something to hide. Joha smiled slightly to himself. He should be safe now. Carefully, making sure to be inconspicuous, he peeked above the heads of those gathered and looked in the direction he had just come from. He saw the livestock trader, still standing there, but confused, not sure of where the thief had gone, and no longer able to chase him. In a moment, the trader ran off in another direction—whether to continue the search or to give up and go back to his post, Joha didn't know. But he didn't care. Joha had not been found. He had won.
Now that the immediate threat was gone, Joha slowly and cautiously made his way out of the crowd, trying to blend in and act natural. Acting natural wasn't too difficult for him, because stealing had become natural for Joha. He carefully pushed past people, throwing out various pleasantries and requests for pardons to make himself seem like a normal, respectable citizen. Once he was out, he continued at a steady pace back to his home on the other side of the city. He mentally congratulated himself at another job well done.
At that point, while he was still walking, Joha had a strange thought, one that rarely occurred to him, and thus was all the more puzzling. For the first time in quite a while, he considered what he had just done. A part of him almost seemed to say that it was not right to steal—but no, that was irrelevant to him. He had done it many, many times now; that was how he had come to be so good at it. There was nothing wrong with stealing. Granted, it put whoever he stole from in an unhappy position, but Joha never thought about them—he needed to steal in order to live, and so it must be all right.
And yet, he still couldn't shake the feeling. Why did he have this moral sense all of a sudden? He hadn't followed anything of that sort since—he thought back—since he had been a mere youth. Joha was a Hebrew both by birth and upbringing, and his mother and father had always taken him to the temple on the Sabbath, to worship and sacrifice to the LORD. His mind flashed to the Ten Commandments. They had been recorded in the Scriptures, in the book of the Hebrews' exodus from Egypt, and had often been recited and referred to by the priests. Though he couldn't remember all of the Ten Commandments, he was fairly sure that one of them specifically forbade stealing.
But it didn't matter now, he told himself. He hadn't been to a temple on the Sabbath for years, since he was a child. He wasn't even sure anymore if he even believed in the LORD. Growing up, Joha had read and studied the Scriptures under his parents' instruction. He remembered being a young boy, full of childlike faith, whose heart would swell with hope and excitement whenever he read the prophecies about the restoration of the nation of Israel and, even better, about the coming Messiah. As he grew older, a part of Joha still hoped for these things, but he had begun to realize what a cruel and bleak place the world really was. His people were looked down upon by most everyone else, and he himself had failed in every attempt to make an honest profession, which was why he eventually resorted to stealing. His parents had shunned him for such evil things and for no longer practicing the faith on his own, but he maintained that stealing was a necessity and that the LORD had all but abandoned them. He had had a hard life, and he hadn't seen any of the blessings that the Scriptures had promised to his people. If the LORD really was so good and so powerful, then where had He been all this time?
Since he had taken up the life of a thief, Joha had almost completely ignored all thoughts of the LORD and memories of his religious upbringing. Yet today, for some reason, the thoughts and feelings had come to him out of nowhere, as if someone out there wanted him to remember and had the power to reach out to his soul. Joha still was not certain that the LORD existed, but after pondering the subject briefly, Joha determined that if He did exist, then He must no longer care for Joha. The LORD hadn't done any good for Joha in his life, and now that Joha had become a thief, the LORD must care for him even less because of all the evil things he had done. Yes, this had to be true.
Joha sighed to himself. What had caused him to think of this all of a sudden? Even after reaching this conclusion, Joha couldn't quite bring himself to shake the thoughts. Things had been so simple in those days; his mother and father had always taken him to worship. They had diligently followed all the ceremonious instructions of the Law (in fact, if he remembered correctly, the Passover celebration was to be held just a few days from now, though it certainly didn't matter to him anymore). He had basically believed that he was a good person, one of the LORD's chosen people, and would be going to heaven when he died. But now he hardly knew what to believe.
Things had become especially complicated in recent months, with the appearance of this Jesus person. Joha hadn't seen him in person, but he had heard of the man's teachings and doings—who in Rome hadn't heard of him? The things he had heard about Jesus were very strange, and half of it was probably gossip and lies. After all, nobody had the power to walk on water or to heal sick people simply by touching them, and nobody thinking logically would believe those things for even a minute. But was it true that the man had the audacity to claim himself as the very son of God? Did he really have the boldness to criticize the religious leaders, and the authority to preach salvation and forgiveness of sin?
Forgiveness of sin…
Joha looked up. His feet had carried him to his home. Upon realizing this, all thoughts of religious conundrums dropped from his mind, as he made his way inside to count up his new fortune.
Pulling the small bag out from his coat, he spilled the contents out onto his table. Several small metallic shapes, each imprinted with Caesar's likeness, fell out of the bag and were counted accordingly. When Joha had finished counting, the total came to seventy-three denarii. Seventy-three! It was certainly more than he had expected, more than he usually got. He smiled and mentally congratulated himself on making another week's wages.
***The next day, Joha returned to the marketplace once again. This time he had no intention of stealing anything; it would be foolish to do so again so soon, since the trader from yesterday would still be suspicious and watchful for thieves. This time, Joha came simply to spend some of his well-earned fortune from the day before. He browsed around the various stalls set up, searching for nice things to buy.
Look at that, he said to himself. A large, plump pig for twenty-six denarii—that could be enough to cover each meal for a day or two. He turned his head in another direction and saw a trader of linen and fine clothes. A very fancy robe, richly adorned and beautifully woven, for thirty-three denarii. Both of them were very fine items. But as Joha looked around at all the activities around him, he noticed something that caught his eye even more.
A man was paying for his trade with a cup. Not just any cup, it would appear, but a fine golden chalice, laced with silver and studded with jewels on the outside. What a nice and valuable cup—surely it was worth much more than Joha had right now, even more than what the trader was selling it for.
Joha wanted it.
He quickly forgot all of his logic about how foolish it would be to steal at a time like this. From a distance, Joha carefully watched the trader, an elderly and somewhat frail man, handling the fortune he had just received. The man polished it, seemed to admire it visually, and then tucked it away inside his cloak so he could resume business. Perfect—he was no longer keeping an eye on it. This would be an excellent opportunity for Joha.
Carefully, the thief snuck up behind the trader, preparing to make his move. Fortunately for him, another customer had come already, turning the trader's attention away from the recently acquired chalice. Joha waited patiently. He watched and waited constantly, searching for the right moment. And then, moving on instinct, his stealing reflexes kicking in, his arm shot out and he grabbed the cup. Then, also almost automatically, his legs started running, carrying him far, far away."Stop!" Joha heard. "Thief! He stole my cup! Somebody stop him!"
Joha paid these distressed cries no attention. He never did. All he did was to continue running, making his escape as quickly as possible—
"Aha!" came a cry from in front of him. Joha suddenly stopped moving, noticing that his path was obstructed by a large, muscular, familiar-looking man. It was the same livestock trader whom he had stolen from yesterday.
"You!" the trader shouted, grabbing Joha on the arm and holding him with a firm grip. "You're the same thief who stole from me yesterday, aren't you?" A mixture of victory and vengeance covered the trader's face to produce a satisfied grin. He raised his voice and called out to all the citizens around, "Somebody summon the Roman guards!"
Then he turned back to Joha. Joha noticed that the other trader, the one whom the cup had belonged to, had now come up behind him as well. He felt fear well up inside him. He had always escaped before—would he be able to this time? If the Roman guards were being summoned, would he be jailed—or even executed?
His thoughts were interrupted by the livestock trader, still with a firm grip on his arm, speaking once again. "Now, as long as you're not going anywhere, I'd like you to return that cup to the man standing behind you." His words were gentle, as a mere suggestion, but the tone of his voice and the strength of his arm left no doubt in Joha's mind that it was a command. "And while you're at it, why not hand over the money you swiped from me yesterday."
Joha had a plan. It was a very rash plan, one that he had just thought of on the spur of the moment, but it was perhaps his only chance at escape. Slowly, he raised his arm, as if he were going to return the cup. The trader's grip on his arm loosened. Then, acting quickly, Joha reared his arm and flung it forward, thrusting the golden cup into the trader's head. The large man let out a cry of pain, and instinctively let go of Joha's arm. The thief took off running once again.
His initial feeling was relief. His plan had worked. He hadn't been sure if it would work—he didn't know how heavy or hard the cup actually was—but apparently it was enough to hurt. Joha looked behind him as he ran. Just as he expected, the livestock trader was once again pursuing him, with the other trader following close behind.
They were getting closer. Joha looked behind him and saw that they were probably only a few cubits away. Normally he was a good runner. He had to be, since he always needed to make quick escapes. But from what had already happened, his legs were getting tired, and he was losing strength. Within a few moments he was forced to slow down, and his pursuers caught up to him. The large man came up in front of him, and the older man to his side.
"Now I've got you!" said the large man. "You're tired now—don't try to escape! And don't think you can pull that same trick again!"
Joha wasn't listening, and he didn't say anything back. He desperately needed to escape, and quickly. Even though the trick had already been used, he once again raised the cup to strike with it—but this time, he struck the older man, who happened to be closer to him. The old man let out a gasp of pain and fell to the ground. Joha once again tried to run away—
"Stop!" shouted a loud, commanding voice from not far away. Joha looked up. Two tall, muscular, stern-faced men stood in front of him, wearing armor and brandishing weapons. Hadn't someone called for the Roman guards? Obviously, they had come. Joha didn't know what he would do.
"What is the trouble here?" one of the guards inquired. The large man pointed to Joha and angrily spoke up. "This vile thief has stolen from our marketplace two days in a row now! And just a moment ago, he slew this innocent man!"
"Slew?" Joha repeated incredulously. "What? No, he can't be dead!"
"He was old and weak," the large man commented, bending down toward the other man's limp body. "His heart beats no longer."
Joha felt a chill rise up inside of him. What had he done? He had only wanted to get rich and get away. He never meant to kill anyone. Despite the ethical codes that he had justified his way around bending or breaking, he knew that murder was most certainly wrong. Wasn't that a Commandment as well?
One of the guards looked at him, studied him over, and scowled with contempt. "A dirty little Hebrew, causing trouble in the city. Why am I not surprised?""This vile man shall be brought before the judge, and punished for his crimes!" the other guard shouted, coming closer to Joha. He gestured to the golden cup and asked, "Is this what he stole?"
The large trader confirmed it.
Before he knew it, the golden cup was being torn from Joha's hand by the strong grip of the Roman soldier. Crestfallen, not so much for the loss of the cup as for the fact that he had been caught, Joha saw the chalice being handed back to the livestock trader. Then the Roman soldiers quite forcefully took hold of Joha. With his mind racing, his heart pounding, and his soul overwhelmed with a sinking feeling, Joha was brought away.
***Only a few hours later, Joha stood in a large courtroom, in front of a judge. The Roman guards on either side of the room still eyed him menacingly.
"Joha the Hebrew," the judge addressed him scornfully. "You have committed theft and murder. Is this true?"
Joha knew that there was no point in trying to escape any more. There had been several people to witness the scene, and any possible routes of exit from the courtroom were blocked by the hostile guards. He was no longer trying to deceive himself, either about escaping or about right and wrong. He knew that his crimes had been wrong and, though he still felt fear gnawing away inside him, he was trying his best to be brave and face the consequences boldly. Feeling irrepressible guilt and shame rise up in his soul, he spoke three simple words. "It is true."
"Then, Joha, you will be punished," the judge announced. "Such crimes are certainly worthy of death. Based on the many things you have probably stolen over time, as well as requests from the murdered man's family and the witnesses of the act, the court has ruled that no punishment less than crucifixion will be acceptable."
Crucifixion? This was terrible! That was the very worst possible way one could die! Though he knew he deserved to be punished, he had fervently hoped that his sentence might be a light one, at least lighter than this. Only in his darkest imaginings and fears had he envisioned himself being crucified for his crimes. He had heard all the horrible stories about criminals who had been sentenced to such a death, and how they were often allowed to hang on the cross for hours in agony until the last trickle of life faded quietly out of their bodies. The thought of such a thing happening to him made Joha unbearably fearful and nauseous. But what was he to do about it? He had already established that there was no possible escape. And somehow, even though crucifixion was such a terrible experience, he felt that he deserved to die for what he had done. No, he would not try to escape. He would have to endure it, with whatever modicum of dignity and nobility might still be left within him, however terrible it might be.
The judge made one final comment. "The crucifixion is to be held tomorrow, during the Passover feast. Guards, I trust you to keep Joha in prison until then."
Joha still remembered the details of how it had all happened the previous day. Now he sat in a cold, hostile jail cell, on the day that he had been told he would be killed. The cell was underground and since he could not see the sun, he was not totally sure what time of day it was now, nor what time of day his execution was to take place. As far as he knew, he could have almost a full day left, or he could have only mere minutes. He had no idea. As Joha sat against the hard, bare wall, he began to think about all that had happened recently. He had killed a man, but he accepted it now. Not to say that he meant to condone it as if it were not wrong, but he realized what he had done, and knew that there was no way to take it back. He felt deep remorse now, and though he knew that the pain of his death would be great, he understood that, if anyone should have died, it was himself, not the innocent man he had killed.
On that note, his thoughts turned back once again toward spiritual things, and what he had learned as a child. He knew that the LORD must certainly hate him now; he had stolen several times, and he had taken a life. He thought back through his past and realized that those were not the only bad things he had done. He lied whenever it suited him to do so, which was often. He had gotten drunk frequently, either from being under pressure or just for pleasure, and he had sometimes spent stolen money on the local prostitutes. He remembered the Commandment about regarding nothing higher than the LORD, and he certainly hadn't obeyed that one. In fact, he seemed to have broken all of the LORD's commands that he could remember.
Then he remembered Jesus. Jesus, the most controversial man in all of the Roman empire, possibly in all the world. The man who called himself the Messiah. The man who preached assurance of salvation, and forgiveness of sin. Joha thought about this. He knew he had committed many, many sins and was deserving of judgment. But he remembered from his studies of the Scriptures in his younger days that, though the LORD was righteous and just, He was also loving and merciful. What if this forgiveness thing was true? What if, even now, with only a very short time until his death, he could still be forgiven, and his soul could still be saved?
"You. Murderer," he heard. He looked toward the cell's entrance to see one of the Roman guards who had escorted him here in the first place. "Get up. It's time."
***The guards were leading him to where he was to be crucified, a place called Golgotha. Joha had said nothing. Many thoughts were racing through his head, mostly the same ones that he had already been through a thousand times. He felt apprehension and sadness, of course, but he couldn't ignore the thoughts he kept having about Jesus. He had never even met the man, but he couldn't stop thinking about him. What was it about Jesus that kept plaguing his mind? Was he truly the son of God?
As they were walking, the guards were talking to each other, making light conversation as anyone might do with their coworkers. "Another one to be crucified," one of the guards remarked. "He's the third we've had this week. What do you know?"
"It just shows you what a corrupt world we live in," the other guard replied. "But at least this one isn't as bad as the one we brought in yesterday."
"Most certainly not. Jesus of Nazareth—claiming to be the son of God! What a ridiculous statement. I'll be glad to see that lunatic crucified."
At this mention, Joha became alert. "What did you say?" he asked frantically. "What about Jesus?"
The guards both eyed him strangely. It was very uncommon for prisoners to converse such with their guards. But perhaps they felt that the dying man deserved to be granted one last request; whatever the reason, they let him speak.
"You want to hear about Jesus?" the guard asked him. "We arrested him yesterday and brought him to be crucified!"
"But not before He was flogged and whipped," the other guard added.
Joha was shocked. "What?" he asked. "Why? What did he do wrong?"
One of the guards looked at Joha as if he didn't know anything. "You don't know much about the man, do you? He was claiming to be the Son of God!"
"Well, yes, I know that!" Joha continued. "But he was healing people, and doing miracles, and forgiving sins! Those aren't worthy of death, are they?"
"Look," the guard said tersely. "I don't really know, and I don't really care. It's your own people who want Him dead—I guess He wasn't quite the king they were hoping for. I couldn't care less about the man—I just do what I'm told, and they told me to arrest him." The guard paused, then added, "Besides, I don't think you're in much of a position to be questioning what's worthy of death and what isn't."
Joha ignored the insult to himself and continued inquiring. "But what if He really is the son of God?"
The guards were getting irritated now. They stopped walking and turned back to face Joha. "Why are you sticking up for this man? He can't help you now, and He is receiving a punishment much worse than yours. If I were you I'd shut your mouth, unless you want them to charge you with blasphemy too!"
"Stop!" one of the guards commanded. He gestured for Joha to come forward just a little bit more. Then, when they were in the desired location, the guard said, "We're here." He pointed to Joha's right. Joha looked where he was pointing and saw it. Huge, menacing, a symbol of utmost terror and pain. A tree that had been cut, shaped, and formed into an implement of the worst possible torture. It was the cross.
"Carry it to the hill," the guard instructed coldly.
Joha's journey to the hill was brutal and torturous. A few times he felt like he wouldn't be able to make it, but he forced himself to press on and complete the journey successfully. He grimaced at the irony that he was making such a journey that would only aid his captors in his death. But, just as before, there was nothing else he could do.
They pierced each of his hands with a metal spike, and put one through both of his feet. Joha cried out as excruciating pain surged through his entire being. He was now fastened tightly to the cross. He continued to moan and scream as they raised the cross, with his body still on it, until it stood upright and was securely fastened to the ground. The process, for the most part, was complete. What disturbed him most was the knowledge that he was likely to be left here, writhing in torment, for several hours or even days, when every part of his mind and body was screaming for the pain to be over right now. He knew, however, that at this point he would be dead sooner or later.
Despite the terrible, indescribable pain, he looked around him. There was an incredible commotion coming from the ground to his left. He saw that there were two other crosses in addition to his. All three of them stood in a row, and strangely enough, the man in the middle next to him was still being tortured and taunted by the spectators on the ground. Joha wondered why they would be doing this. Wasn't the shame and torment of the cross enough punishment for whatever the other man had done? And, if anyone, why weren't they doing these things to himself? Surely this man's crimes, whoever he was and whatever he had done, were not worse than Joha's!
"Save yourself, King of the Jews!" mocking voices cried out from below.
"If you can, then come down from that cross!"
"Some savior," one remarked, followed by a cruel, scornful laugh.
Savior?, thought Joha. He had been told by the guards that Jesus was being crucified as well. Was this man Jesus, the one about whom he had been thinking and wondering so much, hanging on the cross right next to him?
From this left, past Jesus' cross, another taunt was heard. To Joha's surprise and outrage, even the other criminal on the third cross was mocking Jesus! "If you're really the Christ, then prove it by saving yourself—and why not us too, while you're at it!"
Despite how much he was hurting, Joha knew that Jesus was innocent, and felt the need to protest this mockery. As much as he was physically able, he turned his head toward the other criminal. Straining his voice and ignoring the pain, he called back, "Do you not fear God even in your death? We both deserve to die for our sins, but this man has done nothing wrong!"
Then it came to him. He had just realized the answer he had been subconsciously seeking all along. The reason that he never had fulfillment in his past life was because he had walked away from God and had been living in sin. The reason that the LORD had never seemed close to him was that he himself had moved away by ignoring the LORD's commands and following his own path, which had led him to this death. All this time, he had needed to repent of his sins and get back to God. And this Jesus—He hadn't done anything wrong. He had healed people, and performed miracles, and fulfilled all the ancient prophecies—surely he was the true son of God, just as he had claimed!
"Jesus", said Joha, finally seeing the truth. Slowly, the son of God turned his head towards Joha. His whole body was nearly unrecognizable; he had been beaten and tortured so much that he almost didn't look human anymore. His beard had been violently ripped out and a cruelly wrought crown of thorns dug itself mockingly into His forehead, causing streams of blood to spill out onto His face. It was a face filled with ineffable sorrow that seemed to transcend even the physical pain of the cross, but even so, the hope, love, and forgiveness it radiated were unmistakable. "Jesus", Joha repeated. "Do not forget me when you return to your Kingdom."
Jesus smiled, inwardly rejoicing despite all the shame. Struggling against the agony to speak, He responded, "I assure you, today you will be with me in paradise."
Joha managed to smile. It was true! Even though he had done so much evil, and would never have a chance to make up for it with good works, he was forgiven. Jesus had given him joy and hope, even as he was going to his death.
The rest of Joha's life is indescribable. He endured much pain as he hung on the cross, pierced and bruised, for hours. He felt his heart almost sink again when he watched Jesus give up his spirit and die—put to death by the ones he had come to save. Joha saw and felt much grief, but he still held on to the renewed hope that Jesus had given him.
After several hours, a few Roman guards came by to make sure everything with the crucifixion was running smoothly.
"Look," said one of them. "Jesus is dead."
"Are you sure?" the other one asked, surprised and disappointed. "They usually last much longer than that."
"Let's find out," said the first guard. Maliciously enjoying his work, he thrust his spear violently into Jesus' side. The man on the cross made no reaction, no further outcry of pain. Instead, a mixture of what looked like water and blood gushed out from the gaping wound as the soldiers looked on, somewhat dejected. "Yes, he's dead."
The other guard shrugged. "Might as well just finish off the other two now." He walked over to Joha's cross. Taking a sharp, hard weapon, the guard smashed it forcefully against Joha's legs a few times. Even more pain piled on top of what Joha was already feeling. He let out a shout of anguish. After several blows, Joha's legs were broken.
Joha knew what this did. As long as his legs were still intact, he could still push up on his chest, and would still be able to breathe. But now that they were broken, breathing would be much more difficult. The guards did this when they wanted someone to die more quickly. Joha struggled to breathe, but couldn't hold out very long, and he soon drew his last breath.
Suddenly, all the pain was gone. He felt no more hurt, and was no longer hanging from the cross. Instead of total darkness, he saw intense, unfathomable light. And in the midst of it all, he saw Jesus.
"Welcome, Joha," Jesus spoke lovingly. "I had been seeking you out for quite a while, and I am glad that you finally decided to trust in me and be forgiven of your sins. We were just rejoicing over your repentance." All the shame had been wiped away from his face. It now bore only a pure, holy love. "Welcome to heaven."
"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." —Romans 5:8
"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."