Epilogue

Two years have past, and I'm still alive. I owe it all to you, and I won't forget it.

I sometimes see you, when I'm looking out over the fields or my hair blows across my face in a strong wind and suddenly you're there, but as soon as I brush my hair out of the way, you're gone. I hear your laugh when the leaves of the trees rub together, and once in a while I'll think you've spoken to me.

I know you'll never get this, but it's the best I can do to stay sane—write to you. I'm afraid if I stop, I'll forget you, and with it, I'll forget everything you taught me. That will be the saddest day of my life—not the day I lost you physically, but the day (if it ever comes) that I forget you. I hope that day never comes, because when it does, I'll kill myself.

I never told you what happened afterwards, did I?

Someone found me. I was lying sprawled across your chest, both of us soaked with our mixed blood, and he thought we were both dead. He told me he'd never seen so much death before, where he'd found me.

He took me in and treated me, and he looks after me like an older brother, although I've never had one before. I healed under his care, and within two weeks I was able to take over Arlynia, just like you asked, and everyone is living like they live in Geiliea. The war is over now, and Arlynia's hierarchy has ceased to be. No more Lords, Rulers, Emperors—none of those anymore. But I don't want to talk politics.

This man who saved me, he tells me he loves me all the time. If you're looking down from heaven on me, as you might once in a while if I believed in a heaven, I hope you're pleased to see that I haven't forgotten you. He says he loves me, but I will never love him the same way.

After I burn this letter, I'll spread it where I spread your ashes. Wherever you are, if you can't read this, at least know I'm thinking about you.

I wish a million times every day that I could have said this to you, that you could hear me tell you this at least once before you died, and if I could write it a hundred million times on this page in exchange for you hearing it once, I would, but as it is, I'll settle for just writing it once.