I'll Remember You
"I'll remember you," I whisper, my voice so soft that even if he could hear me, a sound would have never reached his ears. At times I wonder if there is ever a way to escape from depression, a closing darkness that always weighs on ones heart. Always will I remember the moment I first rested my eyes on him. There is no way to forget a moment such as that, one that is so powerful it wants to knock me away time and time again.
At first it was my belief that he could never love me. I am so different then him, dark haired when he is blond, brown eyes when his are blue but people are always telling you that looks do not matter and I believe them. It is easy to believe something that you have seen with your own eyes, clearly, like nothing else can ever exist and there is some truth in that. There's truth in hope too, and in memories that always lurk behind the real picture. For awhile, I didn't believe that he would love me. The truth is that he did.
The bittersweet memories are glued in my head forever, a film that won't ever stop playing. I was the one to look for him, after he took a step away from the place I call home but will never look at the same way again. And when I found him the shock that played across his handsome face was something I can treasure forever. Often, I can still picture him that way and marvel at what the future could have been, in all its glory. It is as though I can hear the wedding music in my head, smell the scent of fresh flowers, all the things that will never be. And still my entire body spins from all the memories.
In the end it was the war that tore us apart, wars often do that. There is no glory in bloodshed or death, just an eerie coldness that can fill all of our hearts to the breaking point. He was a brave soldier, a true gentlemen. You never did find many of those in the land where the people turned against their own friends, their own family but I know that he didn't agree with any of that. He did what he had to do.
Near the end of the war, I can still remember running into his arms and feeling his lips press against mine. I begged him to carry me away from the ruins that everything had become but I knew better. He would not leave his men, not my officer, my soldier. All of their lives were too important to him and while I envy the protection given to them I know that he was always mine and never belonged to any other soul.
When it happened I was not with him but shortly afterwards I noticed the blood and could see the weak breath that he sucked into his bloody, broken body. In a moment, I was at his side, telling his little sister it would all be alright, when I knew that never in a million years would it ever be alright. Love is such a fragile thing and one that must be handled with care in case, in only a seconds notice, it is torn out of your hands and thrown upwards into the sky. I clung to him, each breath of his growing weaker still. There was no way for him to survive, not even a sliver of hope but he was still there, the emptiness not yet filling me.
His dark blue e yes met mine, almost in a prayer of forgiveness and I choked on my breath, forcing myself to remain as calm as he was. Looking into his eyes, it was strangely easy, a true meaning of peace in a troubled time. And so that was where I found the need to kill him. Even to this day, I can taste the blood on his lips, warm on my own, but none of that mattered. I was treasuring every last moment on his fragile life, tasting it as it left his very soul.
I am a nurse, that was why they let me stay with him, since they knew as well as I did that there was no other escape. As soon as the life left him, I could feel it, I still can. How is it that someone can be so alive one minute and then the next second fade away into nothing. There are no words to describe what it is like to see the life leave anothers eyes, especcially when that very someone is the person you have always dreamed about and always will dream about until the end of time. It is the price you must pay for love.
That is why I still whisper his name every night, it is why I have never moved on. The moment our eyes first met, mine brown and his blue, I knew that we would always be together. There is no reason to it, no way to move away from the pain or the heartache and it is why I always look up to the stars, hold his picture to my heart and whisper, "I'll remember you." It is because it is true. Never can I imagine life without him.