Maria's Tortillas and the Scandinavian Prophet
[A kitchen. MARIA looks dreamily around the room.]
MARIA: I love the smell of Saturday. Finn says Sunday is better, but Saturday is tortilla day, and six-pm is tortilla time. The whole kitchen smells crispy already!
FINN: It's Finn. What are you doing?
MARIA: Thinking about tortillas.
FINN: Who were you talking to?
MARIA: My imaginary tortillas.
FINN: How did they taste?
FINN: What'd you eat them with?
MARIA: You should have been there. They were dripping with imaginary peanut butter, and jelly and hummus.
MARIA: I'm a girl of varied tastes. (Pause.) Is it time yet?
FINN: Not yet.
MARIA: What time is it?
MARIA: But I'm hungry now!
FINN: You have to wait.
MARIA: I don't want to wait.
FINN: Tortillas only taste good when you wait.
MARIA: What do you know? You and Nansen and Toste--all Scandinavian scoundrels.
FINN: You watch your tongue. I'm Norwegian.
MARIA: It's all the same. Norweiga and Scandinavia are right beside each other anyway.
FINN: Right. Where's the bag of cornmeal?
MARIA: Top pantry as always, Fishboy.
FINN: It's not.
MARIA: It should be.
FINN: It's not.
MARIA: It is; I put it there last Saturday--here you go.
FINN: It's empty.
MARIA: (She goes pale.) What time is it?
MARIA: I have to buy more!
MARIA: Can I make it back in eight minutes?
FINN: No, but I can wait until 6:30.
MARIA: No, eight minutes! We always make tortillas at six o'clock.
FINN: All right.
[MARIA flings open the door. A lanky boy is standing there, holding grocery bags.]
MARIA: I have to buy--what're in those bags?
MARIA: What's that yellow bag?
TOSTE: I also bought crackers.
MARIA: No, the yellow bag.
TOSTE: Are you talking about the peanuts?
MARIA: The yellow bag, Toste, the yellow bag!
[FINN yanks it out and grins.]
FINN: Someone's got a guardian angel, Maria.
MARIA: It's a miracle! Finn, get the rest of the ingredients. Toste, I... How'd you know we needed cornmeal?
TOSTE: I had a feeling.
FINN: A feeling?
TOSTE: Something told me to buy it.
MARIA: I can't believe it!
FINN: Why not? He has the cornmeal.
MARIA: Finn, did you call him and tell him we needed cornmeal? You didn't use one of those cellular phones, did you? I heard they give you cancer. Toste, do you have cancer?
FINN: Toste has cancer?
TOSTE: I don't think so.
MARIA: But if you bought the cornmeal then you must have cancer! Wait, I--what? Never mind. You have the cornmeal.
MARIA: What time is it, Finn?
MARIA: Let's make the tortillas now.
FINN: You're the one who said, "We always make tortillas at six!" It's not six yet!
MARIA: This is a special occasion! Toste had a message from God!
FINN: Really? When was this?
MARIA: How else would he have known to pick up the cornmeal?
FINN: So God told him?
MARIA: Who told you, Toste?
FINN: It was a wise old man by the side of the road, wasn't it? It's always the wise old man--maybe he was the Savior in disguise.
MARIA: Hush, He can hear you.
FINN: Who can?
MARIA: You just called Jesus an old man by the side of the road. That was disrespectful. I think.
FINN: I'm sorry?
MARIA: Don't apologize to me. You're the one who said Sunday should be my favorite day.
FINN: I didn't say you had to like it, but I like it. I like church.
MARIA: Well, Toste is the one getting messages from God.
FINN: I don't believe this.
MARIA: Why not? He has the cornmeal.
FINN: Toste, did you get a message from God?
TOSTE: I told you, I just had a feeling.
FINN: Uh-huh. See, Maria, it was only a feeling.
MARIA: Why don't you believe?
FINN: I believe! Except...whatever, it's 5:58.
MARIA: Except what?
FINN: Never mind.
MARIA: You're so difficult to talk to.
FINN: You get along with Toste just fine, and he hardly says a word.
MARIA: He doesn't need to talk. He keeps his secrets locked deep inside. Like a prophet.
FINN: A prophet?
TOSTE: A prophet?
MARIA: Okay, that was a bad example. Prophets go around proclaiming the word of God, I get it. But still. Thank you, Toste.
TOSTE: You're welcome.
FINN: Hmph. Thank you, Toste.
[FINN throws his hands in the air. A watch alarm sounds.]
MARIA: Time to make tortillas!
FINN: All right. Is Ulric sleeping?
MARIA: Acht! I forgot. I'll go wake him.
[Exit MARIA. TOSTE turns to FINN.]
TOSTE: If I told her I used all the cornmeal this morning to make pancakes, would she be mad?
FINN: Don't tell her. I helped you eat them.
TOSTE: Now she thinks I'm a prophet.
FINN: A prophet who can cook. Hey, have you ever tried cornmeal pancakes with peanut butter, jelly and hummus?
TOSTE: That's disgusting, Fishboy.
FINN: I'm a boy of varied tastes.