Maria's Tortillas and the Scandinavian Prophet

[A kitchen. MARIA looks dreamily around the room.]

MARIA: I love the smell of Saturday. Finn says Sunday is better, but Saturday is tortilla day, and six-pm is tortilla time. The whole kitchen smells crispy already!

[Enter FINN]

FINN: Maria!

MARIA: Fishboy!

FINN: It's Finn. What are you doing?

MARIA: Thinking about tortillas.

FINN: Who were you talking to?

MARIA: My imaginary tortillas.

FINN: How did they taste?

MARIA: Divine.

FINN: What'd you eat them with?

MARIA: You should have been there. They were dripping with imaginary peanut butter, and jelly and hummus.

FINN: Really.

MARIA: I'm a girl of varied tastes. (Pause.) Is it time yet?

FINN: Not yet.

MARIA: What time is it?

FINN: 5:50.

MARIA: But I'm hungry now!

FINN: You have to wait.

MARIA: I don't want to wait.

FINN: Tortillas only taste good when you wait.

MARIA: What do you know? You and Nansen and Toste--all Scandinavian scoundrels.

FINN: You watch your tongue. I'm Norwegian.

MARIA: It's all the same. Norweiga and Scandinavia are right beside each other anyway.

FINN: Right. Where's the bag of cornmeal?

MARIA: Top pantry as always, Fishboy.

FINN: It's not.

MARIA: It should be.

FINN: It's not.

MARIA: It is; I put it there last Saturday--here you go.

FINN: It's empty.

MARIA: (She goes pale.) What time is it?

FINN: 5:52.

MARIA: I have to buy more!

FINN: Okay.

MARIA: Can I make it back in eight minutes?

FINN: No, but I can wait until 6:30.

MARIA: No, eight minutes! We always make tortillas at six o'clock.

FINN: All right.

[MARIA flings open the door. A lanky boy is standing there, holding grocery bags.]

MARIA: Toste!

TOSTE: Hello.

MARIA: I have to buy--what're in those bags?

TOSTE: Sugar.

MARIA: What's that yellow bag?

TOSTE: I also bought crackers.

MARIA: No, the yellow bag.

TOSTE: Are you talking about the peanuts?

MARIA: The yellow bag, Toste, the yellow bag!

[FINN yanks it out and grins.]

MARIA: Cornmeal!

FINN: Someone's got a guardian angel, Maria.

MARIA: It's a miracle! Finn, get the rest of the ingredients. Toste, I... How'd you know we needed cornmeal?

TOSTE: I had a feeling.

FINN: A feeling?

TOSTE: Something told me to buy it.

MARIA: I can't believe it!

FINN: Why not? He has the cornmeal.

MARIA: Finn, did you call him and tell him we needed cornmeal? You didn't use one of those cellular phones, did you? I heard they give you cancer. Toste, do you have cancer?

FINN: Toste has cancer?

TOSTE: I don't think so.

MARIA: But if you bought the cornmeal then you must have cancer! Wait, I--what? Never mind. You have the cornmeal.

TOSTE: Yes.

MARIA: What time is it, Finn?

FINN: 5:55.

MARIA: Let's make the tortillas now.

FINN: You're the one who said, "We always make tortillas at six!" It's not six yet!

MARIA: This is a special occasion! Toste had a message from God!

FINN: Really? When was this?

MARIA: How else would he have known to pick up the cornmeal?

FINN: So God told him?

TOSTE: Sure.

MARIA: Who told you, Toste?

FINN: It was a wise old man by the side of the road, wasn't it? It's always the wise old man--maybe he was the Savior in disguise.

MARIA: Hush, He can hear you.

FINN: Who can?

MARIA: Jesus!

FINN: What?

MARIA: You just called Jesus an old man by the side of the road. That was disrespectful. I think.

FINN: I'm sorry?

MARIA: Don't apologize to me. You're the one who said Sunday should be my favorite day.

FINN: I didn't say you had to like it, but I like it. I like church.

MARIA: Well, Toste is the one getting messages from God.

FINN: I don't believe this.

MARIA: Why not? He has the cornmeal.

FINN: Toste, did you get a message from God?

TOSTE: I told you, I just had a feeling.

FINN: Uh-huh. See, Maria, it was only a feeling.

MARIA: Why don't you believe?

FINN: I believe! Except...whatever, it's 5:58.

MARIA: Except what?

FINN: Never mind.

MARIA: You're so difficult to talk to.

FINN: You get along with Toste just fine, and he hardly says a word.

MARIA: He doesn't need to talk. He keeps his secrets locked deep inside. Like a prophet.

FINN: A prophet?

TOSTE: A prophet?

MARIA: Okay, that was a bad example. Prophets go around proclaiming the word of God, I get it. But still. Thank you, Toste.

TOSTE: You're welcome.

FINN: Hmph. Thank you, Toste.

TOSTE: Yes.

[FINN throws his hands in the air. A watch alarm sounds.]

MARIA: Time to make tortillas!

FINN: All right. Is Ulric sleeping?

MARIA: Acht! I forgot. I'll go wake him.

[Exit MARIA. TOSTE turns to FINN.]

TOSTE: If I told her I used all the cornmeal this morning to make pancakes, would she be mad?

FINN: Don't tell her. I helped you eat them.

TOSTE: Now she thinks I'm a prophet.

FINN: A prophet who can cook. Hey, have you ever tried cornmeal pancakes with peanut butter, jelly and hummus?

TOSTE: That's disgusting, Fishboy.

FINN: I'm a boy of varied tastes.

[END]