the phrase "i'm so past caring" comes to mind.

i wanted her to come in here,
to tell me why.
to let me know i wasn't totally wrong.
to show me love.

i hate time.

why do we always miss our trains?

why did she have to miss mine?

it was pitch black.
my choice.
-pitch black, except the sliver of gray light.
i stared at it.

-wanting

-hoping

-needing

you to come through.

you did.
to yell at me.
i cried.
i wished.
i numbed.

it was a door.
a crack ajar.
just waiting. just waiting,
for someone to open it fully.

no one did.

the next time you passed by,
i asked you to go ahead and close it.

it was a train.
waiting for it's last,
most important boarder.

but you,
you came down,
---then around the corner to that cafe you love so much.
you came back ten minutes later.

i left without you on.

and now,

now i'm so gone.

apr. 17, 2009