Silence

In the movies it
always looks
like choking is casual,
strangulation simple,
smothering smooth,
asphyxia austere

A cough
maybe a flail

They don't tell you
about the cold
how it turns into a burn
your palms, cold, sweat
your fingers that feel
like they're doused with
ice, fire, needles, glass
stuffed with burning cotton
stiff
pain

The movies don't tell about
when your heart beats
so hard it makes you sick
and your head feels like
someone filled it with air
but obviously, you
aren't getting
just
that

They never say your chest
feels heavy and your
esophagus burns, and you can
almost taste the sharp acrid

throat burning

bitter bitter bitter

burn of bile
maybe smell, the sour
bad of it, through the
non-taste of your mucus
thick
saliva.

What they never tell you is
it kind of feels as though
your body, stomach and chest,
has disappeared. You can't
really see them,
at
least.

The colors of the world become dull
then the sound of everything
becomes just a thud
background noise almost
becoming just a buzz
and then the
ringing
starts

It's like being underwater
each movement you make
is echoed in your ears
and

they don't mention
the sound of rushing
like the hiss of
running
water

but that...
that is the sound of

b l o o d

the sound of your life
leaving
you

The thing is, you don't have time
to reflect on your past, your future
could-be, never-would, might've-been
should've, could've, would've

maybe maybe maybe

your days don't pass before your eyes
all that happens is a starburst flares
behind your eyelids, sparkly
leaving a sheen of green
and then it fades to grey
it's pretty, very pretty

pretty pretty pretty

the sight
of

d e a t h

it's all very very
sickly sweet
so so sweet

and your last thought
isn't of
your family
or
your friends
or
love

you think
your very
last

thought:

w h y