Author's Note: This was for a writing challenge, hosted by the Tough and Dirty newsletter: Issue #3 Prompt. However, on the day of the release of the issue, I was told that this was too vulgar. So, it was not in the running for issue 3 prompt, but you get to have it anyway for your enjoyment. Let me know what you think. :) Enjoy!

Back to working on Danse Macabre. ^^;


Grays & Gays
A One-Shot


"I am a phoenix rising from the ashes!" Lance grabbed his crotch and danced.

"Pack it away, Lovett."

"No, for I am a phoenix—"

"Lovett. Pack it away."

Jackson glanced up from his copy of The Portrait of Dorian Gray. He watched as his roommate pranced around in the tiniest pair of silk briefs he'd ever seen. Jack wasn't a homophobe, but damn it if Lance Lovett didn't have him wishing for a pair of round, plump breasts to stick his head into.

Jack stared at Lovett's…phoenix.

Or, maybe to stick his phoenix into.

Lance bootied and shimmied his way across the room towards Jack's twin-long bed.

"You like big butts, and you cannot lie." Navy blue briefs hip-slammed Jack's novel from his hands and to the ground. "I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk, get you love drunk off my hump." The fruit swung his rump to and fro, mere inches from Jack's face.

Jack dodged Lance's ass and slid off his bed. All right. Fine. He'd give in, if only to shut Lance up.

Wincing, he stepped closer towards Lance. Why the torture? Why? Why?

"Oooh, baby, give it to papa!" Lance danced, waving his arms in the air, sticking his butt out towards Jack.

Jack's hand reached towards Lovett. Easy now. Easy.

"Yes, yeessss! Don't make me scream for this, Jack! Slap it! Grope it!"

Closer. Just a few inches closer.

Gay-boy's ass loomed right into view.

"Do it! Give it to me harrrrd! Ooooh—"

Slap.

Jack smirked.

"You heter-asshole!" Lance rubbed the back of his head, glaring at Jack.

"You never specified where you wanted to get slapped. You just said to slap it."

"Ask a hetero, and what do you get? A damn lawyer." Lance pouted. "I've half a mind to just pull down my underwear and turn you homo for me. How would you like that?"

Jack froze with mock-fear. "No! You wouldn't. Then again, I'd know if you were really a blonde or a dye-job."

Rolling his eyes, Lance muttered, "God save you. You're just jealous of my gorgeous blond locks. Brunet's always want to be blond." Sauntering back to his side of the room, he exclaimed over his shoulder, "You know, some people would just die to see my phoenix rise from the ashes."

"Sugar lump, this man does not want to see your phoenix – or any phoenix for that matter." Jack grinned. "Other than mine in a hot chick's va—"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence in my presence, Jackson Gray!" Spluttering, Lance shook a finger.

"What? Something wrong with the word pussy?"

Lance gasped. "I told you not to say it!"

"But I didn't." Jack spread his hands out, shrugging his shoulders innocently. "Not vagina, anyway."

Lance shrunk away, his hands over his ears.

Crossing his arms, Jack reveled in the power of words. Ah, this was the life. For once, Lovett was cowering away from him.

"Something wrong with all those words? Cunt. Vajayjay! Clit."

"Technically, the clitoris is homologous to the penis. So, every time you're poking at a clit, you're poking at a penis." Lance did a hip thrust for emphasis.

"Spare me the science of the sexual organs, please. Go take your shower already, Lovett." Jackson held open the bathroom door. "Go. Now. So I can have some peace while I finish my book."

Hmphing, Lance picked up his shower pouf and bath towel, and strolled towards the shower stall.

As he passed Jack, he patted the taller boy's cheek. "And they said chivalry's dead. Look at you, darling, holding the door open for little old me."

Oh, spare him the flamboyant gays.

"Deodorize yourself, woman."

"Ooh, I like it when you order me around. Do it more, Jack."

"Go."

"Yes, sir."

The restroom door slammed shut in Jack's face.

Finally. Peace and quiet to...

Jack glanced around, pressed his ear towards the door and heard Lance humming as the water started to run.

Perfect! It was time.

Heading back to his bed, Jack settled down. He checked the door one more time to make sure Lance wouldn't be coming out any time soon.

This was the optimal time for some self-gratification.

Staring hard at the door, Jack leaned over onto one butt-cheek, and...

Pbbbbbbbt.

Yes. No one around to hear or to smell it. Perfect timing.

The sharp pain of too much gas had been ripping into his side since Lance started getting ready to shower.

Smiling, Jack let loose.

Pbbb—

"Jack, can…" Dripping water onto the tiles of their dorm, Lance stood in the doorway of the bathroom. "Was that? Did you—? Christ, Jack. I think I just went limp."

Awkward, much? Jack felt his face burn. Gas had never been a big deal to him. He was a man. Men had gas. But fuckin' Lovett was as much as girl as he was gay. Made everything so damned dramatic—

"You know. Maybe my phoenix won't be rising from the ashes after all." With that, Lance covered his nose and stepped back into the bathroom, closing the door.

"For Christ's sake, Lovett. It's just some gas!"

"You call it gas; I call it fumigating the gays out of your dorm. Good job! You succeeded!"

The shower started up again.

Pbbbbbbt.


Author's Note: Hope you enjoyed! XD Review and let me know! S2