Sasquatch- "Hairy people have feelings too, you know!"
Siren -Little miss I'm prettier than you.
Devil- Not as bad a guy as you think.
Elf-" So what if I'm 3 feet shorter than you?"
Pegasus- "Neigh!" 'Nuff said.
Angel- "Heaven gets boring after a while."
Freaked out bartender-" Really?"
Angel- " No."
[Siren, Angel, Devil, Pegasus, Sasquatch and Elf all sitting at bar]
SIREN (looks around): Eww...this place is gross. You dragged me from Atlantis to come here?
DEVIL: Hey, I think this bar is a lot more comfortable than hanging around at my place... (Spits out fireball, smirks.)
PEGASUS: Well, I always thought it was fun at Angel's house...how come we don't go there anymore?
ANGEL: Umm...my boss got kind of mad ever since Devil started spending time with us...so you guys are all banned...for a while anyway...
SASQUATCH: I really don't know why you guys don't like coming over to my house...
ELF: Because it's disgusting, smells bad, is really boring, your wife is so ugl-
[PEGASUS puts a giant wing in front of elf, blocking SASQUATCH'S view of him]
DEVIL: *sigh* You know, for someone who works at Santa's Workshop, he sure is tactless...
BARTENDER:[shaking, stuttering while speaking. Eyes wide with fear.] S-s-s-o tha-that's f-f-f-iv-iv-e beers eh..um..beers...and Purina horse ch-cho-chow put in a blender?
SIREN: Yes, little girl. [Waits for bartender to walk away] Wow, she is stupid and ugly. In this world women have to be at least smart or beautiful...especially beautiful-
DEVIL:[mutters]--That is probably the most anti-feminist thing I have ever heard—
SIREN: - I mean, I know that I am both... but it's not as if everyone can be as perfect as me...
[Everyone rolls their eyes except ELF]
ELF: That is completely true... [PEGASUS gags] In fact, I think you and I are much better friends than anyone else here... Hey, here's an idea...We should be more than friends! I mean where the hell [DEVIL glares at ELF] are you going to find a guy like me?
SIREN: Ok, I may be a little... what do they call it these days...promiscuous...But I would never stoop to your level. Ever. And that's a long time considering we are all immortal.
[PEGASUS bursts out laughing]
PEGASUS: HAHA! Geddit? Stoop? Level? Elf is really short..and Siren has a really long tail. That's just hilarious [neigh-heeh-neigh].
BARTENDER: [bartender walks back into scene] Umm...I-I-I-I have your che-check...
ELF:[completely ignoring what bartender said, looks at her] So, you come here often?
ANGEL: She works here, stupid.
SASQUATCH: It's getting late. My wife's making a special dinner tonight. She managed to kidnap a camper's dog- Siberian Husky- my favorite.
PEGASUS: It's Devil's turn to pay anyway...
ELF: It is? Oh wait, lady, come back! I would like to order your most expensive wine, like, seven platters of French fries, 12 B-
[SIREN smacks ELF'S face with her tail, shutting ELF up.]
ELF: [Whispers to SASQUATCH, but since he is so vocally disabled everyone hears him anyway] Did you see that? She so likes me... I am telling you, give it two, three centuries, and there are going to be fairy tales about us...
SIREN: Okay, you know what? I am going to tell my daddy about this. Yeah and he has this trident that could really make your life miserable.
DEVIL: I can just see the fairy tale now..."The Siren and the Elf." Siren meets elf. Elf likes siren. Siren hates elf. Elf doesn't get it. Siren's dad feeds elf to sharks. [DEVIL shape shifts into teenage girl] (swoons) That is so romantic...[Shifts back, rolls eyes.]
SASQUATCH: Okay, my Siberian Husky is getting cold, so see you guys later. [Walks out of bar.]
[DEVIL pays check.]
BARTENDER: [finally is brave enough to talk to them normally]: So what now?
ALL(except bartender): Let's do a musical about high school students with a lot of school pride! ALRIGHT! Together,together everyone, yeah! Wildcats RULE! [Everyone spinning and dancing out of the bar.]
[BARTENDER just stares. Her eyes roll back. She collapses.]