Control

i want to stretch out my hand and
reach for you but i can't
move. waiting to find out what
time bombs sleep in my veins as
paralyzed seconds tick by. wanting
to spill it out and lie empty
at your sneakers. knowing that
this barrier is always going to
cut me off from you and i
built it, brick by brick, stacked
with my bloody hands. my
fortress rendered useless
because the real threat
lurks already within the walls.
loud, furious, it will sink
its claws into me. like
flipping over cards, any guess
could be wrong but while
immobile there always seems
to be that flicker of hope
that things are still undecided.
maybe i'll wrap myself
in a flag and crash through
the air. catch your attention
without having to explain.
make and impact and be
free of these wish-drenched
wings.