This is just a short one shot I put together. I don't know where it came from. I just started writing with those three words, and this came out of it. What I can tell you is that a lot of this is based on a true story. Almost all the dialogue is real, so it might seem a little…weird? I also tried something a little different. Anyways, I hope you enjoy. Feedback would be great! Thanks :)
It Was Just Three Words
"I love you."
I looked at him, startled. My breath hitched somewhere deep within my throat, and I suddenly found it impossible to think straight. They were just three words. Meaningless, right? Or so I wanted to believe. But looking at the sincerity in his eyes, I couldn't believe that no matter how much I wanted to.
His eyes searched my own for any kind of response, any feeling that I might portray, but all I felt at the moment was shock. I couldn't tell what he saw, and I didn't even know what I wanted him to see, but it certainly wasn't what I was feeling.
"W-what?" I stuttered out slowly. Did he really say those mere three words, or was this some kind of a nightmare?
"I love you. I'm in love with you, Kristin."
I shook my head. He had to be kidding. This couldn't be possible. This wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't the plan.
I pulled myself off of him, and pulled down my shirt, still feeling the sensation of his fingers that had been burning hot against my skin just moments ago. I distanced myself from him as much as possible, and he watched my actions.
I shook my head again. How could this be?
"You never told me."
A million thoughts ran through my head. I couldn't think straight. All I knew was that this was…well, this was crazy.
"I know," he said, his eyes a shade darker than they were just moments ago. "I know what you're thinking. I know you didn't want it to happen. But it did, okay? I can't help it."
I shook my head. "No… You…you never told me," I repeated. If only he had told me earlier…if only I had been able to stop it.
"I didn't want to rush anything. I'm not going to push anything. Things come out when they need to, and that, I guess, needed to come out today."
I looked away from him. Anywhere but him. I looked at my surroundings, his bedroom. The very room I had spent day and night in everyday of this summer. The large window in the corner, I noticed, was slightly open and I could feel the cool evening breeze coming in, making shivers run up my body. Posters of many different things were hung on every wall, awards of many sports and school set on the dresser, pictures of many people glued to the mirror. But I had never paid attention to any of these things before. Despite the fact that we'd been together for most of the summer, I had never cared about these things. These were no importance to me. They were things that described him. And he wasn't someone I cared about. Or I wasn't supposed to anyway. He was just a guy…a guy to be with.
I wasn't supposed to care.
I didn't care what sport he played, I didn't care whose pictures were on the mirror, I didn't care who his friends and family were, and I certainly didn't care what his likes and dislikes were. These were all things that were not supposed to matter to me.
"When?" I asked, still looking everywhere but him, suddenly noticing everything I had missed.
I took a deep breath.
Love didn't exist. It wasn't supposed to. Not in my life anyway. I had made the mistake and learned damn well from it. I had promised myself…never again. Never again. I wasn't supposed to put myself out there like that again. Make myself vulnerable. Make myself an easy target.
"How do you know when you're in love?"
He got up and walked across the room, leaning against the wall opposite to me. "You don't need to ask yourself. It just comes at you. You don't need to go looking for it. It's like you wake up one morning, and completely accept it. Accept that one person has the power to either make you unbelievably happy or completely miserable, and you're completely fine with that."
I closed my eyes, sitting at the edge of his bed.
He was…he was perfect. I had known it from the moment I had met him, which was why I had been uncertain about doing this. I didn't ever want to fall for him or vise versa. This was what I had been afraid of.
He wasn't supposed to mean anything to me. He was just supposed to be there…just like all the other guys. They didn't mean anything. I never let them mean anything. I was just supposed to play with them, and then move on. No love, no ties. And no one would get hurt.
But this…this was never my intention.
"I know you're afraid," he said. "I know you never wanted this to happen and I know you probably don't feel like I do, and that's completely fine."
"Yes, yes it is. What you need—what we need is time, and when you see that I'm not going anywhere, mark my words, you'll feel it. I'll wait for you forever."
I shook my head. No, no, no, no. he wasn't supposed to say stuff like that. He's not supposed to make me feel anything. Why was he doing this? Didn't he know…didn't he know this would end badly? This would destroy everything. Because that's what love did. It destroyed everything. People, places, us…it was going to destroy us.
"You're crazy," I whispered.
"No," he said. "I'm just a boy in love with a girl."
I glanced at him, and saw his genuine, handsome face. He had a face of an angel, every little thing perfected. He was an amazing boy…which was exactly why I never wanted to know him. But I knew it…he was amazing in every possible way. And he deserved much better.
"Don't you know?" I said. "Don't you know who I am? I'm a cold hearted bitch, Tristan. I don't do love. I don't…you knew that."
"I knew….believe me, I never meant for it to happen," he said. "But it did, right? And I can't help it. I'll wait for you; I'll wait however long it takes."
I felt like crying. No, damn it, no!
"Stop saying stuff like that," I said, my eyes blurring.
"I mean it. I mean every single word. And I'll never hurt you."
I got up. I had to get out. I couldn't do this…I wasn't strong enough. He deserved better. I wasn't what he wanted…I wasn't what he needed. And I didn't want to hurt him.
"I can't do this…I have to go," I said, and pushed open the door to let myself out. I didn't glance at him. I completely shut everything out and walked out.
Despite my attempts, there was just one last thing I heard.
"I'll wait forever, Kristin. I'll wait forever…"
hands tied behind my back with nothing
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again
Why we gotta fall for it now
I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for
Why does love always feel like a battlefield?
I lay in my bed, wide awake. It had been hours since I had left Tristan's house. It was now well off in the middle of the night. But I couldn't sleep, and I didn't know why.
I couldn't stop thinking. Thinking about what he had said. Thinking about him. And it was driving me crazy. Absolutely crazy.
He was making me lose my mind.
"Don't you know the way you make me feel drives me crazy?"
I turned to my sides over and over, his voice ringing through my head. His words were refusing to leave my mind. His touch was still lingering on my skin. His breath still felt fresh on my neck. His presence wouldn't leave me alone.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
This was going to make me go insane.
"Absolutely fucking crazy, to the point where I can't stop thinking about you."
All of next day, I couldn't get thoughts of him out of my mind. Even though I hadn't seen him since yesterday, he was everywhere I went. My mind, my thoughts, my every breath. What was happening to me?
I didn't care about him. I wasn't supposed to care about him. So why wouldn't he leave me alone? Why couldn't I stop thinking about him?
Why was everything he said making such a big impact on me?
Why did it matter?
"To the point where I constantly look at my phone just to see if you've called or texted me."
I flipped open my cell phone for the millionth time that day. I didn't know what I was looking for, but every time I looked, I didn't find it. It wasn't there.
I couldn't possibly be looking for a sign of him. I couldn't.
Because that'd require me to care. Care about him. Which I didn't.
No I didn't. I couldn't.
But yet…I wanted a sign from him. I wanted to know that he still wanted to talk to me. I wanted to know…I wanted to know if he still…if he still loved me.
"When I hate myself if I think you're mad at me."
Was he mad at me?
Is that why he hadn't called?
Was he angry?
Did he never want to talk to me again?
Did he hate me now?
Why do I care?
"When I get lost in my own world thinking about you, even in the middle of talking to somebody."
What was he doing right now? Why hasn't he called me yet…? Why's he been so busy? It's been days. He should've called me by now…to ask me. To ask me what I thought. What happened to waiting for me forever?
"Kristin? Earth to Kristin?"
"Huh?" I looked up and saw my mom looking at me curiously over the dining table.
"Lost in your thoughts again?" she asked.
I hadn't realized she had been talking to me. But she was right. This wasn't the first time this week that I had completely zoned out during dinner. Zoned out thinking of him.
"I…I'm sorry, Mom," I apologized. "I have to go," I said and before she could stop me, I got up and left.
That also wasn't the first time that happened this week.
"When I can't stop dreaming about you."
I woke up once more, having just dreamt of him yet again.
It wouldn't stop. Dreams of him…they wouldn't stop.
I tried and thought about other stuff before I went to sleep, yet he'd return everyday.
And even though I didn't want to dream about him…I couldn't help but notice, I liked dreaming about him.
I liked dreaming about him, because somehow, I always woke up with a smile on my face.
"When you're in every part of my brain."
I was sitting with my best friend, Chelsea, on the front steps of my house, trying very, very hard to be distracted. She wasn't doing a very good job, despite how hard she was trying.
"So, you wanna go see Fast and Furious today?"
"Tristan wanted to see that…," I said without even realizing it.
Minutes later, we were driving to the movies. Suddenly, a song by Rise Against started to play on the radio, and Chelsea automatically made to change the channel. Instead of listening to whatever else she going to put on like I usually did, I changed the channel back.
"Since when do you listen to that crap?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Since Tristan loves them."
She just shook her head at me, thinking I had gone crazy.
Honestly, I was thinking the same thing.
"When I can't stop wanting you."
I lay in bed once more, craving, needing to feel his arms around me. I wanted him here. I wanted him to play with my hair, kiss my face, and tell me I looked beautiful. I needed him to whisper in my ears, to hold my hands, and just hold me, making me feel like there was nothing in the world that could hurt me.
I wanted him so bad, it hurt.
I missed him.
I fucking missed him…
"When I finally know I love you."
I knew I did. I had to. It could be the only possible reason. It could be the only reason why I had been acting so different, why I couldn't stop thinking about him, why he was making me crazy. This had to be it.
I was in love.
I loved him.
And somehow, I wasn't afraid of admitting it any longer.
He had saved me. He had changed me. When I had thought I'd never be able to love another again, he made me fall in love with him.
He was special. He was perfect. He was amazing.
I loved him.
Making up my mind once and for all, I ran to his house. I didn't care what was going to happen, I didn't care if I'd get hurt again, I didn't care about anything. All I knew was that I had to tell him. I wanted to tell him.
Breathless, I stopped at his front door and knocked. Moments later, he opened the door, looking as amazing as he always did. His long brown hair was falling into his gorgeous blue eyes. Eyes that looked surprised to see me.
"H-hey," I said, my hands on my knees as I tried to catch my breath.
"Are you okay?" he asked looking extremely concerned.
"Y-yeah, I'm fine," I said, standing up straight. "C-can I talk to you?"
"Yeah, yeah, sure," he said, looking confused, but nonetheless, let me in.
I walked in his house for about the 100th time this summer, but this time, something was different. This time, I actually took in my surroundings. This time, I actually noticed the pictures on the wall, and felt myself smile at the baby pictures of him. This time, I actually cared about where he lived.
"If this is about the other day," he said. "I'm sorry. I know I scared you, but—"
"Shhh," I said, as I faced him and put my finger on his soft, pink lips. "Don't say anything."
"But I really am sorr—"
"Don't you know the way you make me feel drives me crazy?"
If one word could describe his reaction, it'd be shock. He looked absolutely startled. He didn't say anything for a few seconds as he tried to take in what I had just said. "How crazy?" he asked finally. His eyes were searching my own, and I looked back with determination.
"Absolutely fucking crazy," I said, "to the point where I can't stop thinking about you. To the point where I constantly look at my phone just to see if you've called or texted me. When I hate myself if I think you're mad at me. When I get lost in my own world thinking about you, even in the middle of talking to somebody. When I can't stop dreaming about you. When you're in every little part of my brain. When I can't stop wanting you. And when…when I…"
He looked at me. "When you what?"
I took a deep breath. Here goes everything.
"When I finally know I love you."
He didn't say anything and everything went completely silent. I could hear my heart pounding beneath my chest, my breaths low and uneven, waiting for him to say something. Anything. I could hear the refrigerator's low buzz somewhere far in the kitchen. I could hear the clock ticking its seconds away. But all I wanted was to hear him.
"Did I scare you?" I asked, suddenly scared of what he was thinking. Maybe I said something wrong.
"No," he said. "I'm just…I'm taking in what you said."
I didn't reply and instead just stared at him.
"You love me?" he asked after a few minutes that literally felt like hours.
I nodded. "I do."
He finally smiled at me and I felt myself relax. "Now doesn't that make you feel much better?"
"I don't know," I said, still uncertain. "It depends."
"On what you have to say about it."
His smile finally reached his eyes, and he reached out to hold my hands in his own. "You know I love you. I told you I did. You know how much you mean to me. You know I'd go to the edge of the universe and back for you." His arms slowly wrapped around my waist and I felt my knees buckle underneath me at his words.
"I…it was really hard for me to tell you…"
He pushed back the few strands of loose hair from my face and tucked them behind my ear, resting his hand on my cheek. "I know, love. I know it was…I know you're afraid of getting hurt. But I'm completely head over heels for you, okay? I'm in love with you. All I can think about is you. All I give a crap about is you. I love you so much. And I hope you know that I'd never, ever hurt you. Ever."
I felt myself smile. "Thank you," I whispered.
He returned my smile and brought his lips to my own, sealing his promise with a kiss.
"I love you."
It was just three words, but the feelings they made me feel were much, much greater than words could describe. They were…they were…well, just those three words.