every night i stare up at the ceiling and think about stuff.

what i could have done better, what i should have said,

and in my mind i make it right.

but i know it's not reality;

it's more of a fantasy,

where nothing goes wrong and everyone is happy.

i look back on things and they start to drive me insane.

i'm yelling at myself out loud and i don't even notice.

i think i talk out loud just so it seems that somebody is there with me,

and that i'm not alone.

i spend so long on my floor, just slowly waiting for time to pass,

for something to happen.

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depression feels tingly,

like goosebumps,

kinda,

like a chill when there's no breeze,

like loneliness mixed with hopelessness.

i dunno.

i'm just waiting for time to pass me by.

i'm just waiting to slowly drift away.

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i never leave my room.

i can't stand to be with them.

i can't stand to hear them scream.

they're always screaming;

in pain, in anger, whatever.

they never stop,

and i don't want to hurt them anymore.

i've gotta learn that violence is not the answer.

everyone here has got to learn that.

hurt them. they scream.

hurt them to stop their screaming, they scream louder.

try to cover their mouths, the scream louder still.

kick them, punch them, whatever it may be.

violence is not the answer.

it's an instinct.

but people shouldn't hurt emotionally either.

physical wounds will heal,

but words will hurt forever.

i remember everything she's called me.

every time she's said i'm worthless,

every time she's told me how i'm an invalid, an imbecile,

and it stays with me.

it hurts more than anything she's done.

and she will not understand that it's killing me.

i don't know why she does this.

i just don't care anymore.

let her do it.

she's right.

i don't belong.


A/N: Thus ends my pointless ramblings. Sorry if it was confusing. I only posted it because I felt that I had to tell someone, even if they're thousands of miles away and have no idea who I am. Also, sorry for the lack of capital letters. I was experimenting with just using lowercase.

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