"Just take deep breaths"
I whispered to myself over and over again. I was in the fetal position, with my arms around myself, rocking back and forth in the corner of my room. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes but whenever they were on the verge of spilling over my tears evaporated into steam.
"Why?? Why me? This isn't supposed to happen. I thought it was gone."
I asked myself. Still rocking back and forth. Every couple of days it's been happening but this as to be one of the worst. I could feel the heat coming off of me in waves. And that's when I felt it. It made me feel strong and powerful. Vigorous and invincible, bliss and happiness, I felt AMAZING!!.... And because I was feeling such wonderful things, I felt terrified because I knew what those feelings were from and I know why I'm heating up. It wasn't supposed to happen again. I thought it was gone. I've only felt it this bad two times in my entire life and none of it was pleasant. The last time was when I was in 7th grade, but for you to understand I'd have to start at the very beginning.
It all started at my fifth birthday. I'll never forget that day....
I had my best friend Marissa and Jessica over at my house. We were all sitting at the kitchen table waiting for their parents and my mom to come in with the cake (It was only my mom and I in a small cottage like house). The cake was lit up with 5 perfect candles. As soon as everybody was finished singing happy Birthday, I leaned in to make a wish. But unfortunately, the hem of my princess dress caught on fire from one of the candles. Everybody started screaming and panicking but I had know idea as to what was going on because my eyes were still shut. When I opened my eyes all I could see was this bright orangey colour and I couldn't react. I couldn't scream. I couldn't do anything because I was told how dangerous fire was and that it can seriously harm you but, I didn't feel any burning. I could feel the heat, and man can I tell you it was a lot of heat, but the heat felt good!! It felt amazing actually. It felt like it was a part of me. I had never felt anything like it. Nothing could compare to the bliss and passion and peace and pure happiness. I felt strong and powerful. I felt vigorous and invincible, But it was over quickly and the feeling was done too fast. Like it wasn't there in the first place. I was in so much shock that I didn't even realize that my mom had dumped all the apple juice that was on the table over me to kill the fire. I don't know how but sometime afterward I ended up in my mother's arms being rocked back and forth with her whispering.
"It's okay baby. Everything's going to be okay. Just calm down, just calm down"
I didn't realize I was shaking until she took my face in her hands to steady me. But what she didn't know was that I wasn't scared and shaking nor in shock because I was on fire but because of the way it made me feel. I've seen my mom get burnt all the time and it looked extremely painful, but when I was on fire it wasn't painful at all. It felt like heaven.
Because I had no burn marks on me nor was I red at all, the paramedics said that I was very lucky that it only caught my clothes on fire and not my bare skin. But they were wrong because the fire did touch my bare skin. It was touching every damn inch of my chest. My mom started mentioning my "accident" less and less after that, until one day she just stopped mentioning it. It was like it never happened and that was the way I liked it.
~*End Of Flash Back*~
As I recalled the memory, I began shaking and I could feel myself getting hotter and hotter. Until I looked down at my hands and my fingertips were actually on fire.
"Oh CRAP!! NOT AGAIN! NOT AGAIN!" I shouted at myself. I started panicking. I ran into my bedroom bathroom and hopped into the shower. I turned it on freezing cold. As soon as the water hit me I began to steam like crazy. There was so much steam I could barely see my hand stretched out in front of me. But with the stream were also the incredible emotions leaving with it. I felt the heat leaving my body and the confidence it gave me, the blissfulness, as well as the powerfulness and all that was left was me. I felt like me. And that made me happy. I leaned up against the shower wall and started slowly sliding down it.
I couldn't stop thinking about what had just happened. What I could do was a curse and I hoped it had left. Apparently, I was wrong. All that just happened made me start thinking about the last time this had happened. I was in 7th grade. I was outside for recess. I was looking for Marissa my best friend...well my X-best friend....
"Please stop your hurting me!" I heard someone cry. *Hmm* that sounded a lot like Marissa. I turned around the corner of Haller Heights Elementary School.
"AHAHAH!! Wow! Your so pathetic." Amy said with distaste.
I couldn't believe it. Am I seeing what I think I'm seeing? Was Marissa really getting picked on? I was shocked. I was more then shocked. I was confused. Why didn't Marissa tell me Amy bullied her?
"Please just give me back my bag!" Marissa pleaded. There was more laughter.
"Come and get it LOSER!!" Amy yelled between fits of laughter while throwing the bag to her posse. (A.k.a. Jack, Kevin, Jolene and Kristy)
"Give Marissa her bag back," I yelled, with much more courage then I was actually feeling. I wasn't the type of girl to stick up for myself. Amy usually picked on me. I mean Amy was scary. She's really big compared to me and always had her friends along with her, who also scare the crap out of me. But Marissa was my best friend and she was crying. NO, more like balling her eyes out and it was killing me to watch. I had to do something.
" Looky, Looky what I found" Amy said with a sneer as she took a step towards me.
I took a deep breath in order to calm my nerves and replied with as confidence as I could muster "Give Marissa back her bag and leave her alone."
With that Amy started laughing. I mean full on laughter. "What make ...*AH*...you think...*AH*... you can stop me ...*AH*"
I didn't say anything. I couldn't stop her, she was right. Amy was bigger than me, stronger, and had a whole group of friends surrounding her.
Amy finally caught her breath and started walking towards me. Each step she took. I wanted to step back. But I didn't. As much as I wanted to, I wouldn't back down.
"Don't have anything to say now do you nerd, Ah! That's what I thought, your all talk" Amy howled as she shoved me hard enough to make me step back.
"You're so weak and pathetic," Amy said while shoving me once again. I was starting to get really pissed off with her pushing me and I could feel myself getting hot with rage.
Amy pushed me again but this time into the school wall. And I was growing hotter and hotter. I didn't really notice how hot I was getting. I was too pissed off to really think at the moment.
"Wipe that smile off your face before I wipe it off for you!!!" Amy commanded. I hadn't even realized I was smiling. It felt like someone else was controlling me. I wanted to teach Amy a lesson. Give her a taste of her own medicine.
"Touch me again I will have to hurt you" I said with venom dripping off every word. Amy just looked at me dumb founded for a fraction of a second but then it was gone and she deepened her stare.
"Oh you mean like this" Amy replied while lifting her hand to hit me. Without thinking I grabbed her wrist in midair and was about to shove her away from me when she started screaming and I mean screaming. A horrible ear-piercing scream.
"AHHHH!! LET GO OF ME!! LET GO! LET GO! " Amy shriek. I instantly let go. I saw Amy grab a hold of her wrist. She was crying and screaming at the same time. She was going insane and I couldn't understand why. There was a red mark around her wrist. It was bleeding and it looked like a burn mark the size of a handprint. 'Omg is that my hand print??' It was blustering and parts of her skin were gone. I looked down at my own hands and that's when I realized that I was unnaturally hot. I didn't know what to do. I started panicking. I took a step towards Marissa but she took a step away from me. She looks terrified. 'Why is she so scared of me? I would never hurt her she knows that.''
"Don't come near me! Stay away!! STAY AWAY!! I saw what you did. You...your not HUMAN!!" Marissa shrieked.
I was going to tell her I was human and that she's my best friend and that she didn't have to be afraid of me but I didn't know what was happening and I could feel myself getting hotter by the second. It felt like I was going to go up in flames.
"Move out of the way!! Move out of the way! Let us through" The principles voice sounded from somewhere in the crowd of students that Amy's screams had created. 'God, I feel like I'm going to light on fire... wait what's that?? Omg! Omg OMG!! IS that fire??' My hands were starting to ignite into flames 'I have to get out of here! I have to get out of here! "I have to get out of here," I said to myself.
I ran through my classmates as soon as the teachers came. I ran and ran and ran and didn't' stop running till I had no idea as to where I was. I found a building and ran behind it. It was deserted for now so I crawled up into a ball and started crying. I was feeling so much at that moment and I went up in flames. I stayed sitting in behind an abandoned house, curled up in a ball, crying, while every inch of my body was on fire. Literally on fire. Flames were flying in every which direction. I had no idea how long I was there before someone was shaking me awake.
"Miss..? Miss? ...." 'Huh?!? Am I hearing things?' I opened my eyes slowing and saw this elderly woman standing over me. 'Grandma?? Why is Grandma here? I thought she died??' "Oh! Oh my my my. You're the young lady the whole towns been looking for. You gave everyone quite the scare." 'Huh? That's not my grandma. What's this woman doing in my room?? .... Wait, this isn't my room? Where am I?'
"Uggg! .. Where am I?" I grumbled. And that's when everything that happened came flooding back and tears started leaking out. I couldn't help it. 'My moms are going to be so mad!!! I hurt a girl. I burnt her with my bare hands. I can light on fire. That not normal!!! IM A FREEK!!"
"Oh dear, we better get you inside and call your mother"
~*End Of Flash Back*~
After that everything became a blur. Amy had to get help because she kept insisting that I burnt her with my bare hands. Everybody seems to think I did it with a lighter or something. People tend to make up stupid explanations for things they don't understand. I also have to go see a therapist every Saturday to 'talk about my feelings' *eye roll* 'Pleaseeeee' I also had to move because everybody at my school wouldn't talk to me. They were frightened. My best friend wouldn't even look at me. My mom was also having a hard time with the rumors that started spreading about me being a psycho, a disturbed child, some even called me an alien. Some people even blamed it on my mother and for some odd reason I think she does somewhat blame herself. So, my mother decided the best option was to move. I left my small town behind and moved to Florida. Where I've made a new best friend and haven't been on fire since. Well that is until now.
I turned off the water and grabbed my towel. I walked up to the mirror and just stared at myself. "Nope! No burn marks at all." I muttered to myself before walking out of the bathroom to grab some clean clothes.