The Girlfriend Who Killed the Female Best Friend

by sfumato

She is his best friend.

Friend.

Is that even possible? Can two members of the opposite sex have completely, 100% platonic relationships? I am inclined to say no. So what was I going to tell him. I think you may or may not cheat on me in the distant future with this girl that you secretly or not-so-secretly have feelings for and I wish you would just get it over with?

She was a nice person. I mean, she was so awkward with me that I had no choice but to think that she was a nice person. She didn't say enough for me to think otherwise. I wasn't the villainous girlfriend who kept them apart and was horribly girly and disgusting while she was the down-to-earth tomboy. Ok, well I don't think I kept them apart per say. It was weird, letting your boyfriend hang out with other girls alone. It just wasn't kosher with me, alright? They hung out, and I tried to ignore it. He mentions her in conversations, I ignore it. She calls during our dates…bingo! I ignore it. What else was I supposed to do? Terrorize him? Stalk him? What good would that do?

I subtly tried to start hanging out with guy friends significantly more than girls. I had initially had more guy friends, but with relationships come discretion, I suppose, and I was careful not to be alone with a single boy, lest any rumours fly or resentments form. He was not so courteous to me. I would walk into his room and they're sitting together on his bed, her head cuddled into his shoulder. He'd look up and say hi, and shush me, and all of a sudden I was the intruder. If he could do this sort of thing with his best friend, then what was left for me? What was so special about being his girlfriend? Hooking up? I wanted to tell him that he might as well date his best friend, because what was the use of dealing with twice the PMS-ing estrogen when you could get away with half?

I made sure that he started to find me in exactly the same positions and situations as I had found him. It was my methodical method of getting into his head and trying to see if I truly was as goddamn paranoid as I might be. Potentially. Whatever.

He didn't seem to care. He would sit on the chair and chat while I'm huddled up to a guy on my bed. Was he goddamn kidding?!?! The plan failed. I thought simultaneously that I was paranoid and that my boyfriend didn't give a shit about me. Technically paradoxical, considering, but I couldn't help it.

But still, why did all those goddamn movies with the guy realizing that the best friend was the girl of his dreams, and he leaves the other girl on the altar and it's ok?? Why is it ok? She might've been a bitch, but God, no one deserves that. And she loved him. Every single movie, the would-be bride loved him but she always got eclipsed by the best friend. I didn't want that to happen to me. I wanted to be the girlfriend who killed the female best friend once and for all.

I was hanging out with my friend Eric instead of my boyfriend again, because, well, he was hanging out with his best friend and according to the plan, I had to hang out with a guy friend in order to mirror his actions. We were going to watch The Proposal, which is a date movie, but since my boyfriend was MIA, I was going to see it anyway. So there.

We were standing on line to get popcorn and I saw my boyfriend out of the corner of my eye. WTF? I really was becoming paranoid now.

"Hey, Tommy, man, you're here too?" called Eric.

My eyeballs nearly popped out of my head. Ok, calm. Assess the situation. You're here with a guy, and your boyfriend is here with a girl. She had her goddamn arm looped through his. WHAT. THE. FUCK. IS. GOING. ON????????

He looked back at us, and I couldn't help but feel that they looked really good together. If I didn't know he was in a relationship (with me), I would probably smile at seeing another cute couple at the movie theatre.

Eric and I waved, and they momentarily turned away from us to get snacks, and then came to stand next to us while we bought our own.

"Babe, I didn't know you were going to be here," said Tommy, a vague frown on his face, Victoria's arm still looped through his. Ok, this was getting fuck-damn-ridiculous. Sorry for ruining your fucking quiet time with Victoria.

Dick.

"I didn't know you were going to be here either. What movie are you guys seeing?" I replied, silently glaring at the linking of their arms, willing someone to notice. Even some random dude passing. I really don't care.

"We're going to watch The Proposal," said Victoria, a stupid giggle coming out of her outrageously made up face. She was seeing a movie with her goddamn best friend and she looked like that?

I became extremely aware of what I was wearing. An oversized striped sweater and black leggings. She was wearing a dress. A very pretty dress. A dress that made her look skinny with boobs while I looked like an overweight sailor.

Tommy was still frowning. Fine, I'll get out of your way.

"Ok, um, Eric, let's go find seats," I said. "We'll get out of your way now." I grabbed Eric's hand and walked off toward theatre 6, hoping to God that they were at least going to be seated behind us, so that I was spared the indignity of watching my boyfriend dating another girl and having to pretend to be ok with it.

Eric and I sat down and I immediately started digging into our humongous bucket of popcorn, deciding eating away my troubles would be the logical course of action.

I felt popcorn kernels going down my sweater and my head whipped around to find Eric chuckling madly to himself.

"If you're going to take popcorn out of my tub, please put it somewhere where you can swallow it."

I vaguely contemplated trying to get it out of my sweater and into my mouth, but then nixed the idea. I got up to shake my sweater and the kernels fell to the ground, laughing at how ridiculous this was.

Eric looked over at me, and the laughter gone, said, "I'm glad you're smiling again. I know that was really awkward for you before."

I stared at him for a second, amazed that he noticed, then laughed it off. "Eric, dude. She's his best friend. It's fine. Don't worry about it."

I wish I would believe my own words.

After the movie incident, I felt like I was losing Tommy even more. It was like we had switched roles, Victoria and I. But then, by the logic, he should be falling in love with me now. Just goes to show that the movies are all bullshit.

The next incident, we were all about to go to a friend's place for some after-dinner wine and cocktails. Tommy and I were there, and Victoria, and Eric and a couple of other friends.

A couple of hours later, we were all pretty drunk. It was awesome. I'm kidding. Ok, I'm not but I don't want you to think I'm an alcoholic or anything.

"I have to get up early tomorrow, guys, I have to turn in," said Victoria. "Tommy, can you take me back?"

I stilled. Even in my semi-drunken state, I felt everyone else's awkwardness.

Tommy looked at me strangely, as if he noticed my sudden change of expression from happy drunk to…well, unhappy drunk.

Eric frowned at Victoria. "I'll take you back," Eric announced.

Victoria gave Eric the strangest look. "Eric, you don't know where I live. I'd rather Tommy come."

Eric stared hard at Victoria. "You can tell me where you live. Tommy has to stay here and take his girlfriend home, not you. She drank way more than you. You only had a shot for Christ's sake. You don't need anyone to take you home."

Complete silence. I didn't know what to say. My mind was a bit hazy at that point. God, if he likes her, why doesn't he freaking date her and stop fucking around with me.

Everyone stared at me. Oh shit, I said that out loud. Tommy looked vaguely hurt, and Victoria looked well…victorious. What was that about?

I got up and smiled, trying to shake off the weird atmosphere. "Um, I gotta get home. Eric, let's go. I'll help you drag your sorry ass back to your doorstep."

Eric hesitated, looking meaningfully at Tommy.

"Let's go," I repeated impatiently.

I left with Eric.

I was avoiding him, I know. I didn't want to give him the opportunity to break up with me yet. I was mustering up the courage to dump him first and save the last of my integrity, but that was going nowhere fast.

I couldn't believe what I had said. It was like putting the idea directly into his head and asking him to do it. I am such an idiot.

My doorbell rang. Oh thank God, it was my Chinese food. I opened my door and handed the guy the money, surreptitiously looking away so that he would catch as little of my un-made up face as possible.

"Keep the change," I said, feeling like a very good person, as I was tipping by about 30%.

"You know, I take tips in other forms too."

Ok, this Chinese delivery man was a freaking piece of work. I looked up to give him a piece of my mind, and saw Tommy, holding my beef with broccoli, and smiling.

"Um, hi," I said. I wracked my brain for something else to say. "How are you?"

Fuck, that made you sound like an awkward social outcast.

"I'm good. Can I come in?" he replied, ignoring my awkwardness, He reached out to cup the side of my face, as if he was going to kiss me. I quickly laughed and shook him off. If he was going to break up with me, he was going to do it outside. I didn't need bad memories in my house.

"Yeah, actually, I was about to go shower and then I have to go run some errands and stuff."

Tommy was frowning at me. He looked kind of upset.

"Ok, well, I'll come with you."

"Um, no! No, it's fine. You'll be embarrassed. I'm buying….tampons! Yeah, weird feminine stuff," I shouted. I laughed weakly at my own joke. Haha. Oh God. I looked away, avoiding any eye contact.

Tommy grabbed my shoulders. I nearly jumped a foot in the air. "Are you avoiding me?"

"No. Haha. Why would I avoid my own boyfriend?" I replied. He was staring at me. Man, he was pretty.

"Because you have. Been avoiding me that is. You hang out with Eric more than you hang out with me. You're always with him. You show up to parties with Eric. He always knows what you're doing. What is that about?" Tommy demanded.

ARE.

YOU.

FUCKING.

WITH.

ME???

I snapped then. "Yeah, and who started it anyway, huh? You're always with Victoria. You know, Emmy asked me yesterday if you guys were dating. Christ, Tommy, I can't believe you have the audacity to say that to me. If you're fucking in love with your best friend, then just date her! She'll put out for you, I've seen the way she looks at you! You guys look really fucking good together. She's taller and skinnier than me, so that's a fucking plus too. God, just get out of my face!"

I felt tears starting to make their way down my cheeks. Tommy looked so guilty. His hands had long since dropped off my shoulders. That was the most physical contact I had had with him for a while and it was gone. I wish I had slapped him just now, but I couldn't do it, my hands were shaking too much.

Oh shit, he really was going to break up with me. He was trying to tell me he was going to do exactly as I had said. Fuck.

"Lani, babe…."

I screwed my eyes shut and willed myself not to hear anything. After he finished talking, I would just say thanks and sorry and then close my door.

"…Victoria was out of line…"

Ok, definitely still in danger zone.

"…I don't even like her. I love you, Lani. I don't know why this is happening."

I opened my mouth to start saying 'Thanks, sorry' when I realized what he just said.

He was looking at me, waiting for me to say something. He reached out, pulling me into a bone-breaking hug.

"I'm so sorry, babe. It was my fault. I didn't know that it was like that. And you were avoiding me. I thought you wanted me to be with Victoria. I'm so sorry," he said, rubbing my back. "I love you babe, ok? Don't cry."

I started crying harder.

Tommy walked us both into my house and shut my door, keeping a hand clutching mine and led us both over to the sofa in the living room, pulling me down into his lap and settling his arms around me.

"Victoria was being a bitch. I'm so sorry I didn't realize before. Sweetie, please look at me."

I looked up, sobbing momentarily subsided.

"Victoria is tall and skinny..." I almost started crying again. "and bony and gross. And she's not half as gorgeous as you are. You're sexy…and beautiful…and you're mine." He punctuated his words with light kisses.

"And that's the way I want it to be from now on, ok?" He shifted out from underneath me and kneeled down on one knee, his hand reaching into his pocket.

"I hope you feel the same way, because it would break my heart if you didn't." He pulled out a box. A sleek, black velvet box and opened it.

"I want to marry you, Lani. Please say you want to marry me too." He looked a little nervous, and eager, and God, his eyes were so hot!

The ring was gorgeous. A large (Oh my God, is that five and a half carats!) emerald cut diamond in a gorgeous platinum set.

I nodded. How could I not. He grabbed my hand and kissed it, slipping the ring onto my ring finger.

I put my arms around his neck and kissed him, long and hard.

Sorry best friend, but the girlfriend won this time.

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