A/N: Hi. This is my longest one-shot, so far. But it's not really that long, isn't it? Anyway, I just wanted to say something before you start reading this. I thought of the main plot for the story, but my Writing Buddy helped me plan some scenes in the story and he corrected some grammatical errors I overlooked. So I'm giving him credit for helping me plan the story. Thank you so much Writing Buddy!
Love. Love, love, love. People say that love is what makes the world go round. But what is love really? People say it's the best thing in the world. Some say they can't live without the person they love. But huh? What? I don't get it. How can people not live with the person they love when all that that person can do is leave them? Okay, maybe they don't mean it literally…but maybe I don't understand it at all because I've never been in love. And well that's because I don't believe in love in the first place.
I mean come on, if people say there's 'love' and it's what makes them happy…why do people get hurt in the end then? Why do some relationships last for only a short while? I thought love was 'forever'… And what about world peace? If love is really there then why are there wars and chaos? Well I guess I'll never know what love is. What? I'm not being pessimistic here. Well maybe, kinda…but still! I'm already in college and in just one more year, I'll graduate. I don't think I'll ever learn what it is.
* * *
Ugh, my gosh! I am sooo late! Trish is so going to kill me. I'm actually late for her twenty-first birthday party and I'm her best friend! Some friend I am, huh? Oh well, whatever. I better hurry now. Okay, just one last check at the mirror. Whoa, I am so not ready. My hair is messy and my clothes are also messy and…well basically, I'm a mess. But I can always fix myself there…hopefully.
Oh gosh! Crap! I have her cake! I still have to pick it up from the store and…ugh! I better move along now! I guess that's what happens when you hit the snooze button for too long. I was really busy studying for the finals in the morning and…yeah, I know. Who studies in the morning for the finals next month? Well I guess now you know someone who does. Anyway, where is that purse? The one with the receipt of the cake? Oh there! Finally!
Cab…cab…cab…where's the taxi? Ugh, maybe I can just call one now….what?! Thirty minutes? Ugh, I'll just walk halfway until I can find a taxi or…whatever! I need to go walk now. Okay…where? Ah…left turn then – these heels are so uncomfortable! Ugh.
* * *
Okay, finally! I got the cake and I'm done. All I have to do is just find a taxi and…oh! There!
"Wait!" I call out to the taxi, half running. These heels are killing me!
"Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!" I scream as I feel one of my heel breaking. Oh crap! I fall forward as the cake goes flying out of my hand. Oh no! No, no, no. This can't be happening! No! The taxi just went away. Ugh. I struggle as I get up. Ugh. I'll just break this other heel, I guess. Oh gosh! There! Oh, this is hopeless. I might as well go walk barefoot. Or something…wait…where did the cake go? Oh! It's on…someone's face.
"I am so sorry!" I exclaim as I walk over the guy. Yea, he must be a guy based on his clothes…hmm…he looks like he's about my age. Oh wait! What am I doing here, standing up and staring at him? I help remove the cake with my hands. So now, my hands are currently covered in icing. Oh gosh, I'm such a mess. But it's my entire fault anyway.
"I am so sorry! I'm really sorry. It's my entire fault. I was just walking, well running and then…well, anyway I'm really really, extremely sorry!" I apologize over and over again. Oh gosh! How can I include someone else in my horrible night? "Sorry! Promise, I really am! Sorry," I repeat over and over again as I help him remove the icing with the handkerchief in my purse which by the way also has icing all over it. Finally, almost all the icing's gone. Wait, why isn't he saying anything? Just a couple more wipes and…
Wow, he's actually cute. His eyes are mesmerizing and his face is so…is so…angelic…and…do I hear chuckling? Oh, he's laughing at me. Wow. His face looks even better when he laughs. That laugh…it sounds…beautiful. W-wait, oh gosh! My hand is still on his face. Well, wow…this is…embarrassing.
"Sorry," I tell him once again. "I really didn't m-"
"It's okay," he kindly replies as he raises his hand (which is currently covered in light pink frosting). Heh, it actually matches his fair complexion.
"I'm really sorry. I can pay for the laundry for your shirt and I can –" I begin once again.
"Look, its okay. Really," he interrupts me with a smile.
"O-okay," I reply with a small smile.
So anyway, what time is it? Oh gosh, I'm like an hour late! Trish will definitely kill me! I still have her cake and – oh, I had her cake. Now, what to do?! Well it's better to be late without her cake…than not coming at all…right?
"A-anyway, I have to go now. I'm really sorry once again," I tell him as I finally see a taxi. I stop it and get in it.
* * *
"Thank you, here's my payme-" I begin, but stop towards the end as I realize my purse isn't with me. Oh my! Where's my purse?! Where did I leave it? No one stole it so…I left my purse there! On the road! No! My money is there! My ID, my pass, my credit card, my phone, my gift for Trish! Oh gosh…can this night get any worse?!
I look outside the car and notice Trish outside her house. Well…I have no choice, but ask her. "Trish! Trish! Oh my gosh! I am so sorry. I'm really late! I-I don't have your cake because I fell on the street and then it fell that's why," I gesture at my clothes and my sticky hands (which the driver fortunately didn't notice). "Then I left my purse there and so now I have no money to pay the taxi and…"I sigh as I go on "I'm really sorry Trish! I didn't mean to be late to your party. Happy birthday! I'm really sorry once again," I tell her as I show her a big smile. She doesn't say anything, but laugh. Why does everyone laugh at my sincere apologies?
"Look, Jen. Just relax. It's okay. I understand," she tells me as she continues laughing. She slowly takes out some money from her purse and hands it to me to pay for the taxi.
"Thanks," I reply. "I'll pay you when I get my purse," I tell her with a smile. Well actually…if I ever get my purse, that is.
"Gosh Jen, you're such a mess! Come in and change. I can lend you my clothes," she tells me as she ushers me into her house and in her bedroom.
* * *
"There!" I say in excitement as I finally finish fixing myself. How long did it take me? Well anyway, at least I'm all ready now. Trish must be having fun. The music is loud, there's lots of dancing and the food is great! I better go wish her properly now. Where is she? Oh there. Must be entertaining another visitor. I go over to her and follow her as she goes towards the door. Another guest, most probably. I stand behind her as she opens the door. I get a huge surprise as I recognize the person behind the door. It's Cake Face! My eyes widen in shock. He actually looks better without all the icing. I slightly feel my cheeks, ears and neck heat up as I see him.
Oh gosh, why is he here?! Is he here for revenge?! Do I really have to pay for his shirt?! But I don't have my purse and most of my money is there and Trish would have to pay for it! As if I'm not already dead! Oh wait, why is he holding a cake?! Is he going to throw it at me for revenge!? I'm dead! This is it; the moment of truth. I hope you're not angry.
"I figured you'd have no cake," he tells her as he hands her a box of cake.
"Oh thanks!" she exclaims as she gets it from him. "I thought you weren't coming Ben?" she asks out of curiosity. "Oh and how'd you know?"
He gently points at me as he smiles and waves.
I shyly smile at him as I give him a small wave. "Ahh, umm…that is…uuhh," What am I waiting for? Someone's going to have to say it in the end anyway. "He's…aahh…the one your…uhmm…cake fell on," I explain to Trish.
"I'm really sorry about earlier!" I tell him once again.
"It's okay, really. Here's your purse by the way. Don't worry, there's nothing missing there. I checked your plan book, uh, thing. That's how I found out you were going here," he tells me as he hands me my sticky purse.
"Oh my gosh! Thank you! Thank you, thank you so much!" I exclaim as I get my purse from his hand. Finally! I got all the important stuff I need: my ID, money, my credit card, my pass. Oh! I also have Trish's gift! "Thank you," I tell him once again with a huge smile. Oh gosh, I probably look like a fool smiling widely at him like that.
"Why don't you come in for a while and have some fun?" Trish offers.
"Uh, no thanks," he kindly replies. "I still have to prepare for my finals next month."
"Oh, okay," she says with a bit of disappointment in her voice before she brightens up once again. "Good luck with it. You go to Raine Emerald University right? Jen here goes there too."
Huh? What? Did she just say? He goes to the same University as me? How come I never see him? Well, most probably a different course…or something.
"Yeah, I see her around in the library sometimes," he replies to her.
Oh, really?! How come I never do? Well, I guess that's because I always look at the book when I study. I'm really determined to finish college. I'm going to be the best psychologist the world has ever known! Haha. Okay, maybe that was a bit too dramatic. But that's what I always said when I was younger.
* * *
"Hey Jenna," Benjamin calls out to me as he walks towards me.
"Hi," I reply as I wave at him.
It's been almost a month since Trish's birthday party. Every since then, we'd meet up during lunch break. He's a friendly guy. The more I get to know him, the more interested I get to know him even more. He's actually quite different from the other guys I know. I can't exactly describe how, but still. I can feel it.
But lately I've been feeling these strange feelings I've never felt before. I don't know what it is. It's like whenever I see him there's this 'thing' where my heart starts to beat faster than usual. Then when he talks, it's like every word can cause different reactions: happiness, anxiety and many other emotions that are actually quite hard to figure out due to its abundance. W-wait, I'm a psychologist. I know this. Is this actually what people call 'love'? Yes, scientifically it most probably is. But…I don't think so. No, it can't be. Me? In love? No way! I don't believe in love. How can that be right? It obviously can't be. Yeah, it can't be. Maybe it's just some…voodoo stuff. Yea, it's just voodoo stuff.
"Yeah?" I ask as I snap out of my thoughts.
"Can we go somewhere private? I want to ask you something," he asks me.
M-me? Is he seriously asking me? Of all people, me? Oh gosh, why is he asking me? Just go on and get it over with. Is it that hard? Another voice argues with me. He's just a friend of your best friend who's also your friend. Sheesh, fine. Okay. Did I just argue with myself? Heh, I think I just did. Anyway, before I sound like a lunatic here…
"I guess so…" I reply, doubt and uncertainty in my voice.
Finally, we're here. A private place in campus: the old fountain behind the main campus area. Not many people go here since it's quite far from the other rooms in all campus. Unless you want a private place, that is. Many people go here for privacy for all sorts of reasons. But the reason for both of us going here, is still a mystery. Well, for me anyway.
"So…what brings us here?" I ask him as I raise an eyebrow.
"I want to ask you something," he asks sounding slightly tense.
What does he exactly want to ask me? Why is there this pause? Well, it can actually mean he's going to confess something serious. Yeah, why else would we go here anyway in the first place? Oh gosh. Is it what I think it is? Will he confess his love to me? Oh gosh, why am I getting all hot and nervous now? Wait, it can't be. It's not the first time someone will actually confess to me…so why am I this nervous? But wait, I'm still not sure if he'll really confess to me.
"What is it? Just go ahead, say it and let's get it over with. Okay?" I ask, sounding a little impatient. Well at least I was able to hide the rest of my impatience.
"Uh, yeah. Okay. Here it goes. Will you be…uh…will you be…"
"Will I be what?" I repeat, not bothering to even hide my impatience anymore. He's already in his early twenties. What's so hard in asking what he has to ask? Whatever it is.
"Will you help me confess to your best friend Trish!" he says as fast as he can.
"Oh," I say as I laugh after that. What? He actually wants me to help him confess his feelings to my best friend? This is kind of like high school stuff . But of course I'll agree. I only want happiness for my best friend and all that mushy stuff…so why am I feeling something heavy inside. I guess it's what they call jealousy. But how can I be jealous when I don't love him or anything? It can't be. Of course not.
"Yeah, sure," I reply with a smile, hiding the hesitation I feel. Why should I be hesitant anyway? Besides, Benjamin and Trish are good for each other. They've been friends since they were four and they've been good friends ever since. So they're meant for each other. A lot of people can see it anyway.
* * *
"Trish!" I exclaim as I approach her towards the table at the end of the coffee shop. She waves at me with a small smile. I sit beside her as we order our drinks.
"So, what made you ask me out here?" she asks.
"Why? Can't two best friends hang out together at a coffee shop?" I ask with humor in my voice.
"Come on, what is it? Spill! If it was any other time, I wouldn't doubt you. But I'm sure you wouldn't have called me. Your finals are next month. You'd be busy studying for it right now. I'm sure," she tells me. Ah, she knows me too well. Oh well, that's what six years of friendship does to you.
"Well, I just called you here to –" I begin. Gosh, how can I say this without sounding unusual? Oh, fortunately the waitress saves me as she serves our drinks. But I know that sooner or later, I'd have to tell her anyway. Well at least for now we can have our coffee and food with casual conversation…
Okay, now our drinks are almost over. Even the topics we usually talk about are over. I guess it's time to ask her.
"Hey…uh…what do you think of Benjamin?" I ask her as I begin to feel uncomfortable. But a favor's a favor.
"Well, Ben. He's a great friend. He's kind; he's smart, dedicated towards his studies. He's a wonderful person inside and out. He's just…you know…" she says as she sighs with a smile "he's like perfect."
"Oooh, so you like him?" I ask. Although I really know what her answer will be. For some weird reason though, I find myself hoping she'll say no.
"I guess so. Uh, don't tell him, okay?" she replies with a small smile as she blushes. I drink the last drop of my coffee, almost choking at her answer. "Uh, okay. I've got to go now!" I exclaim. "I won't tell anyone, I promise," I say once again with a smile. Ugh, this is like high school stuff. Why can't they just confess to each other? Ugh.
As I walk away from the coffee shop, I take out my phone to call Ben.
"Hello!" he exclaims happily as he answers the phone. "Did you ask her?"
"Uh, yeah," I reply less enthusiastic as I would've been if it was a different guy. Oh gosh, why am I feeling this way? "You have a chance!" I reply with as much excitement as I can muster.
"Okay, thanks a lot" he replies with a lot excitement I can almost feel it coming out my phone. I stop from walking as I feel something sting my eyes. I end the call and rest my head near the wall. Why am I crying? Why am I so darn affected? I'm supposed to be happy, but no. I'm not. I guess there's no denying it anymore. There's no more use. I know it now, for sure. I've fallen deeply in love with Benjamin. And he's not there to catch me.
* * *
This is it. Tonight's the night when Ben will confess to Trish. I know I should be happy, but I'm not. Because although for them tonight is when they come out their shells, confess and be happy; for me, it's the end. I have no more chance to ever be with him. He doesn't even love me that way in the first place. He just sees me as a good friend and the best friend of his girlfriend. Just the thought of it makes me want to cry. Ugh, whatever. I'll just drink and forget about him. I've still got the finals to concentrate for. Yes, that's what I'll drink and forget about him. I'll go partying in a club. I'm old enough to drink anyway…
Wow. The music here's really loud. It's quite dark here except for those lights. And…there's more people than I expected. Heh, well this is my first time going to a club. What? I wasn't old enough to drink before and I'm concentrating on my studies, remember? I'm going to be the best psychologist the world has ever known! Haha. But for now, it's party time!
Oh, wow. Heh, why is everything spinning? That's funny. I guess that's what excessive consumption of alcohol does to you. Haha. Now, it's time to dance and have a good time. I stumble as I make my way over to the dance floor. Finally, I'm here. The music's so upbeat. You just can't help but dance along with it, right? I dance as wildly as I can. I've never really danced this much before. I never really enjoyed it that much before. Who knew I'd end up here at a night club dancing? Haha! How ironic.
Ooh, some guys are coming over here. Maybe they can also help me forget him. Yes, yes. That's good. The more the merrier. Haha. What has alcohol done to my brain? Oh, they look good. Haha. I just dance with them for all I care. Something just doesn't feel right though. But whatever; I'm here to forget him. The rest doesn't matter anymore.
Benjamin? Is it him? The one coming towards me? My mind must be playing games with me. Ugh, my head does hurt and this whole dancing thing and the people everywhere are starting to make me feel claustrophobic. Maybe it's not him. Yea, it can't be him. Why am I even thinking of him? I'm supposed to be forgetting him. Right, okay. Forget.
Oh gosh! Why is the figure that looks like him seem to be coming closer and closer? What if it's him? But it's impossible. How'd he know I'm here? Besides, he should be getting ready for his confession. Haha. It sounds like a church thing. Oh wait. It is him!
He extends his hand towards mine as if I'm supposed to grab it and we'll go together and have our happy ending. But of course that isn't his intention. So why is he here? How'd he even find me in the first place? I just stare at his hand, thinking if I should grab it or not. I'm here to forget him. So why is he here? He has already broken my heart without even realizing it. And now he's even going to ruin my night to forget him? What did I ever do wrong to deserve this? Ugh.
"Jenna. Come on. I'll drop you home," he offers politely.
"No," I reply stubbornly like a little girl.
"Come on, Jenna. It's not safe here," he argues, kindly. Oh gosh, why does he have to be so kind? Please stop trying to argue with me. Just a few more words and I'd give in again. No, I can't. It's not right.
"I know how to take care of myself," I reply as I take his hand away. I stumble halfway as I turn around. Whoa. The whole world just spun with me as I did it. Haha. That's funny. Whoa! Wait…why is everything starting to turn black? Is it the end of the world? Heh, well it felt like it earlier but it wasn't… It can't be…
* * *
I wake up as I feel like I'm floating in the air. Well, I can't feel the ground with my feet, but I can feel like something's supporting me. What? Oh. Not something, someone. Wait, did I just say 'I wake up'? When did I sleep? I don't remember sleeping. I don't even remember returning home. So…ugh, trying to figure this out makes my head hurt. Wait. I said earlier that someone was holding me…no, carrying me. But who? Oh gosh, alcohol sure has makes your brain work slower. Wait, an easy answer to the question is if I can just open my eyes and…oh! Benjamin. It's him. He's the one who brought me home. No wait, the one who's bringing me home to my dorm room in campus. I'm still not yet there. Oh, I spoke too soon. I'm already here.
"Put me down," I say as loud as I can. Weird, it sounds really soft. But he hears me. I know because I soon find myself landing gently on my bed.
"What were you doing there, Jen?" he asks gently, but I can still feel some anger from his voice. I guess that's because he's concerned for me. Because he loves me? Ha! I wish… "This is not you. What happened?"
"I was only forgetting someone," I reply, sounding stubborn for some reason.
"Who?" he asks out of concern. "Did someone hurt you?"
"You!" I exclaim sounding angry and frustrated.
"Why?" he asks once again. Oh gosh! He is so oblivious!
"You are so oblivious! Can't you guess?!" I say louder than before as I sit on my bed. Ugh, my head hurts. I've got to find some other way to forget someone next time. He doesn't reply…I have no more time for this. I'll eventually have to tell him anyway before I'd regret it in the future.
"Because I love you! I love you, okay?" I scream at him as I feel like tears starting to blur my vision. "But you don't love me," I tell the truth as my voice breaks in the middle. Someone would have to point out that fact in the end anyway. So let's just get it over with.
"Jen, I am so sorry!" he exclaims sounding really sincere. "You're a wonderful person and all, but it's just that – "
"I know," I reply, my voice still sounding weak. I feel him sit beside me beside my bed. He wraps his arm around me as he comforts me. "I'm so sorry," he tells me once again; tearing my heart out and ripping it in two without even knowing it. Gosh, that voice. It sounds to good. It makes me even want him more. But the fact I can't just hurts a lot. I cry even more. I can't take this anymore.
So I push him away and hit his chest, inflicting more pain to myself in the process. "Why?" I scream at him. "Why do you have to be so kind!? Why do you have to trip me when you won't catch me in the end?" I scream, my voice breaking here and there. I look so pathetic right now. I suddenly feel like I'm about to vomit. Oh gosh, no. Not now. I swallow my vomit. Maybe I'll choke on it and die. Weird, it actually sounds appealing. Yes, a pathetic person like me dying in a pathetic way.
"I'm – " he starts, but I interrupt him.
"Just leave me alone! Please," I request.
He turns to leave, but just when he's about to open the door, I run up to him. I know it's wrong to do this, but I want to. I feel like I must do this. Before I can even change my mind, I immediately do it. I kiss him. I kiss him with every ounce of strength left in me.
Although I feel his body stiffen up against mine, I continue. Although he isn't responding (and I know he won't), I continue. Although I know he'll eventually pull me away and rip my heart into pieces, I continue. And although I'm not sure if I can survive after this, I continue. I continue because it feels so damn right.
As I expected, he pulls me away.
"I'm sorry, Jenna," he tells me. I freeze at the spot where he just pulled me away. Here it is. My heart is already torn into pieces. It'll a lot more than just alcohol or super glue to fix it. How did I ever reach here? I don't feel like I can go on anymore. Not when he's around to remind me that I can never have him.
"Just go," I tell him one more time, not bothering to look up and stare at him. "Go confess to her and find true happiness."
And he does.
I just stay at the spot where he pulled me; I sit there and cry for as long as I can. I used up all my energy on that kiss. It was wonderful…but now he's gone. What else is there to do…?
* * *
"…And finally, congratulations to all of us for our hard work all these years. May we all do our best in our careers and good luck to everyone," I smile as I end my speech. Everyone claps and I smile as I go back to my seat. Being one of the people with the highest scores, I was given the privilege to do the speech at the graduation ceremony.
Now that I've graduated, you most probably know that it's already been a year since that incident. As expected, Benjamin and Trish ended up together and are to be engaged soon. They look really happy. As some people would say, "They're a match made in heaven." Although I'm content with the way things turned out, Trish and I are no longer best friends and I hardly see Benjamin anymore. I still haven't completely moved on with him. I guess I've just learnt how to cope up with things.
Although I didn't get the person I wanted, I guess I can say I'm still happy and content. Because now I know what 'love' truly is. Love is about selflessness, that's what I realized that night he pushed me away. If you love a person, you have to let them go and be happy with the person they love, even though it isn't you. And when you've learnt to love and then let go of the person, it's time for you to move on. Not because that person doesn't deserve to be loved anymore, but because you deserve to be happy.
Love also isn't about learning. It's about knowing. But the thing about is it's unpredictable. One day that person may just be a friend to you, the next you'll realize you want to be more. So you have to be careful and watch out. Love can make you happy, but it can also tear you apart. That's why they say you have to love yourself first. For when that person rejects you, it's not going to be that bad because there's someone else who loves you which is yourself. Maybe that doesn't really make sense, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that you have to be ready and you have to be there for yourself when you fall because not everyone you fall for are willing to catch you. But don't be afraid to love, it can be the most amazing thing that has ever happened to you.
A/N: I hope you liked my story. It's kind of far from my usual happy ending, but I decided to write a story with a sad ending to also show the true nature of life in my stories. Please don't hesitate to click that button below and tell me what you think of my story. Comments and critisms are very much appreciated.