I had made the biggest mistake of my life. I had fallen in love with a boy who thought that partying was a way of life and that the only woman meant for him should be some perfect 10 out of 10 with a great personality. He was definitely the wrong boy at the wrong time and there was nothing I could do to change the way I felt.
I can't tell you how I had fallen and the things I hate about him always seem to outweigh the reasons I love him. He was shallow, rude, coarse, and so sure that everything would work out simply because he had the confidence. Even after all that, I can't hate him. More than anything, though, I was worried for him. Worried that when the party ended, he would find himself alone and lost in a dream of endless fraternity parties and beautiful women who would throw themselves at him. Worried that if things really did end up going horribly wrong, the disappointment would break him and that I wouldn't be there to pick up the pieces.
I knew that someday everything would come to an end, for everyone, so who was I to tell him to live differently? To tell him that no one was going to save him but himself? I tried anyway and failed as I thought I might; I couldn't change his mind about the world or even about me. I knew that the end of my own chapter was coming, fast and hard and without mercy. Soon enough I'd be out on my own in a world that didn't care who I was or what I wanted. Was I really going to wait for a boy who could never see me as I wanted him to? Was I going to wait for a boy, not a man, to grow up enough to realize that the perfect life he dreamed of might never happen? I'd sigh if I had the energy left to care.
We were friends and as much as I hated to, I was doing the one thing a friend shouldn't: I was slowly giving up. I know that walking away won't solve anything, but I wasn't going to spend my life hoping that things will change. And, once my party ended, I was packing my stuff and never looking back. Maybe I'd regret it somewhere down the line, feel some sense of loss for never having tried to see how things could go. But, you can't make someone love you, right? Maybe someday I'd find someone who wouldn't leave me with an ache in my chest and a million different worries flittering through my head. I mean, what would you do?