Deification

To:
From:Mr Tom Brook;

Dear Sir/Madam,
I wish to make a formal complaint about the recent service that I have purchased from your company. If you check your records you will find that I took out the basic 'Mojo' service last year. I have no complaints about that whatsoever. People did indeed treat me differently, exactly as described in the provided literature. I was popular in the bars and clubs I went to, and my increased popularity at work led to a minor promotion. I consider it money well spent, and it was because of this that I decided to upgrade to the mid-range 'Aura' service. This was two weeks ago. For the first few days, I noticed a further increase to my popularity. Just as predicted. However, the first sign of trouble came when not only the doorman saluted me (he salutes everyone, although he never saluted me before I purchased the 'Mojo' level of service), but also the head of my department saluted me, and stepped out of my way in the corridor. At first I thought she'd mistaken me for someone else, but the odd behaviour extended to the rest of the department. Furthermore, when I went to the local bar after work. I found that not just one or two of the women were fawning over me, but it appeared that I had the attention of every female there. This led to some rather fractious exchanges with their partners, who always stepped back and apologised when I stood up to their challenges.

At first I assumed that I had been given the top-of-the-range 'VIP' service by accident, and if things had stopped there then I would have welcomed it, and not mentioned it. However the first sign of significant trouble came a few days later when I found a man, whom I have never met before, following me home from the club. When I turned around to confront him he prostrated himself on the ground. Attempts to get an explanation from him resulted in an incoherent wailing, and he beat his fists upon the ground so severely that I thought he must have injured himself. However on inspection, his hands were not damaged.

Further incidents followed over the next few days. I don't recall them all, but traffic in the road would stop, before I have even thought of wanting to cross. When I got to the underground station this morning, the down escalator was out of service, but the up escalator promptly reversed direction to accommodate me. The lift at work was waiting for me, doors open, when I arrived. Now I can understand people treating me differently, but mechanical devices? What's going on here? Do you have any kind of explanation for this?

This has all got entirely out of hand. This evening has been scary, to be quite frank with you. There was a group of people who followed me home from the station. I can hear them outside now as I type this. Weird chanting druid, new-age-hippy types. I have just looked outside, and when they saw me at the window they all cheered and prostrated themselves.

Have you upgraded me to some kind of 'Deity' package? Does a service like this exist? I have not seen it on your web site, but the thought did occur to me.

I don't know if you do out-of-hours support, but please respond quickly. I dread what will happen in the morning if this level of transition continues.

Yours,
Tom Brook

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August 2009 silvercoat