This piece is definitely not meant to be taken seriously. I wrote it as a goodbye present to my English teacher, after having taken his classes for four years, and allowing him to put me through some literary atrocities for which I will never forgive him, but also to discover some gems of novels which I will never forget.

Contains references to the entirety of my reading list for academic years 2007/2008 and 2008/2009: One Hundred Years of Solitude, House of the Spirits, Like Water for Chocolate, Kiss of the Spider Woman, Road to Wigan Pier, Ode to a Grecian Urn, Waiting for Godot, Equus, Death of a Salesman, One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest, Macbeth, Long Day's Journey into Night and Slaughterhouse Five. Naturally I do not own the rights to any of these works. Enjoy!

Ode to the English A1 Reading List

an elegy in six stanzas,

rendered all the more awkward by its tortuous rhyme scheme

and the fact that no word in the English language actually rhymes with "English"

Oh, vanity of vanities!

For such is A1 English

And brimful of profanities

Embellished with some gib'rish.

Buendías have the decency

To keep it in the family

Yet we must share their anguish.

Not quite content just to have lived

They have to talk about it

We take their drivel as a gift

And listen to them spout it

Till in our minds the question burns:

"Could someone smash that bloody urn?"

But really, though, we doubt it.

In time grown somewhat numbed in mind

And teasèd out of thought

We take each novelist in kind...

...ev'n if not quite as taught.

"What bloody man is that?" we ask

And bend our efforts to the task

Which may leave us distraught.

In fairness, though, we must admit

That it has been instructive

To read of begats and man-bits

And Rosas so seductive

Of fishing trips and poisoned feasts

Of Northerners and other beasts

And dope fiends self-destructive.

We learnt that with examiners

Fair fighting ruins chances

And so, while they contamin'e us

We lead them pretty dances

With gay men in a prison cell

For reasons unknown, but time will tell

If it our marks enhances.

The parting shot:

If I sound unconventional

As these lines I compose

I swear it is intentional

To keep you on your toes

So you, dear reader, will be left

Of thought and speech alike bereft

To whisper: "So it goes."