This piece is definitely not meant to be taken seriously. I wrote it as a goodbye present to my English teacher, after having taken his classes for four years, and allowing him to put me through some literary atrocities for which I will never forgive him, but also to discover some gems of novels which I will never forget.
Contains references to the entirety of my reading list for academic years 2007/2008 and 2008/2009: One Hundred Years of Solitude, House of the Spirits, Like Water for Chocolate, Kiss of the Spider Woman, Road to Wigan Pier, Ode to a Grecian Urn, Waiting for Godot, Equus, Death of a Salesman, One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest, Macbeth, Long Day's Journey into Night and Slaughterhouse Five. Naturally I do not own the rights to any of these works. Enjoy!
Ode to the English A1 Reading List
an elegy in six stanzas,
rendered all the more awkward by its tortuous rhyme scheme
and the fact that no word in the English language actually rhymes with "English"
Oh, vanity of vanities!
For such is A1 English
And brimful of profanities
Embellished with some gib'rish.
Buendías have the decency
To keep it in the family
Yet we must share their anguish.
Not quite content just to have lived
They have to talk about it
We take their drivel as a gift
And listen to them spout it
Till in our minds the question burns:
"Could someone smash that bloody urn?"
But really, though, we doubt it.
In time grown somewhat numbed in mind
And teasèd out of thought
We take each novelist in kind...
...ev'n if not quite as taught.
"What bloody man is that?" we ask
And bend our efforts to the task
Which may leave us distraught.
In fairness, though, we must admit
That it has been instructive
To read of begats and man-bits
And Rosas so seductive
Of fishing trips and poisoned feasts
Of Northerners and other beasts
And dope fiends self-destructive.
We learnt that with examiners
Fair fighting ruins chances
And so, while they contamin'e us
We lead them pretty dances
With gay men in a prison cell
For reasons unknown, but time will tell
If it our marks enhances.
The parting shot:
If I sound unconventional
As these lines I compose
I swear it is intentional
To keep you on your toes
So you, dear reader, will be left
Of thought and speech alike bereft
To whisper: "So it goes."