NOTICE: This story is rated M for a reason. I'm thinking about having a sex scene later on. I've never really written one so it'll be my first. So that's just a heads up. Now on with the story!

"By Myself"

Her hands felt cold. Sickly so. As if all the warmth was drained from her. Then again she felt that way everyday. It was summer. Shouldn't she be warm? Happy? It'd be nice. But that wasn't the case. And it hadn't been in a long time. She looked out toward the trees and saw a boy sitting under one, his pencil moving swiftly across the pages of a black book. He stopped suddenly for a moment and his eyes darted her way. Their eyes caught each other for a moment and then a smile grazed the dark haired boy's lips and he got up, book and pencil in hand, and started walking towards her, his eyes still locked with hers.

Her eyes, the boy noticed, were the perfect shade of hazel and her hair was dark. Not as dark as his but close enough and long too. It looked like if it was a of couple inches longer it'd reach her waist. Her face was wonderful. He wanted to run his fingers along the side of her cheek and feel how soft she'd be, trace the edges of her pink lips with his finger tips and feel how full they were, he wanted to get the exact angle for her nose, and draw the perfect lines that creased her forehead in confusion, he wanted to captivate the emotions in her eyes, in that second he wanted to know everything about her but first he thought it wise to know her name.

He sat next to her on the bench and turned to face her. Her eyes looked worried.

"Hi, my name's Jason. What's your name?" It was a simple question but a long silence was the only answer he received from the girl.

"I'm not crazy or anything, just trying to make conversation." He smiled and when she did nothing but stare blankly back at him his smiled faded. Was she deaf? Or did she just want to be alone? Probably the second one.

He started to rise. "Look, I'm sorry for bothering you. I just wanted to talk. I'll go now."

He turned to leave but was caught by surprise when her cold hand grabbed his. He turned back toward her and looked down at the small frail girl. "I'm Ana." He smiled wide and she welcomed him into a conversation.


His eyes were the prettiest blue I'd ever seen. Even more than Jimmy's. And that's saying a lot. His hair was as dark as Ian's or maybe even darker. He was lean but his arms and shoulders showed he had a defendant build. His smile was kind and cute. He really was that kind of boy you stopped to stare at.

They had been sitting on that bench for a while now, talking. He would occasionally run his fingers through his hair absently when he was nervous or his cheeks would tint the slightest pink if he was embarrassed. She noticed these things and she really really didn't want to.

"So what brings you here? I've never seen you around before." He asked suddenly.

"I don't really come here often." I replied quietly.

"Well, I'm glad you came here today." His smile was warm.

Like Jimmy. She thought absently and then mentally slapped herself.

Stop thinking of him! The both of them.

"Yeah, me too. But look I gotta get back home. It was nice meeting you." I stood up but his warm hand stopped me.

"Could I maybe um…have your number?" My heart leapt to my throat. Ian was the last guy I had been with, the last guy I had kissed, and that was three years ago. Ian was the last and only guy I ever had been in love with and we never even really dated.

And you left him. A voice whispered harshly in my head.

I had to! I couldn't keep waiting around for a guy that didn't want me!

He loved you!

No, he didn't. And if in some alternate universe he did, he obviously didn't love me enough to be with me completely, the way it should be.

The voice stayed silent. And I smiled slightly in triumph and then realized Jason was still waiting for an answer.

"558-5935" I said quickly.

He smiled and quickly wrote it down in his black book. He then ripped out a piece of paper and handed it to me. I looked down curiously and saw that he had sketched me while we had been talking and on the bottom it read:

428-7109: Jason.


"I'm home."

Silence.

"Dad?"

Silence.

I walked upstairs to his room and found a bottle of liquor in his hands, his body slumped.

"Oh god…dad…" Harsh tears poured from my eyes.

"Ana is that you?" His words slurred.

I ran to him and grabbed the liquor from his hands and hugged him. He wasn't ever a violent drunk. He was far from that. He was pathetic when he was drunk. And I hate seeing him like that. I hate it so much.

"Yes, dad. It's me."

"Oh Ana", he sighed, "I've missed you so much."

He thinks I'm mom.

My eyes saddened. "Dad, it's me. Ana. Your daughter."

"No, no. You're my wife." I started moving slowly away from him.

"Where are you going?" He whispered frantically, "Please don't leave me again."

I took a deep breath. "I won't. Just lie down and sleep and when you wake up I'll be right here holding your hand."

"Do you promise?"

My tears came faster now. "Yes, Rich. I promise."

He smiled and laid down on his bed, curling himself up like a child. He fell asleep with a smile on his face. I never saw my dad smile anymore and it ripped my heart from the inside out to have him believe I was mom. But I wish she was here, I wish she could really wake up next to him and he could be happy again, that we all could be happy again.

I stood there for a while longer watching him sleep and although I knew I couldn't keep my promise to its full extend, I sat next to him, took hold of his hand and squeezed and I could have sworn that I felt him squeeze back.

I smiled through my tears.