I ask myself when my life had gone bad
Only to remember when I was last glad
How is it possible to completely undue the past?
Only to remember that the present is all I have.
Gone are the days of having a mindless entity
I know what I am and what it has done to Thee
I am wretched deserving of a death so eternally desolate
Forever away from the One who loved me before I could see
Here I am scarring the One who has never left me
Yet I am the one who's gone when temptation is in front of me
Love and blood ran together to set me free
Yet here I am still a friend of the Enemy
Having a free, clear heart and mind are my wanted reprieve
But I am the one who is to blame for my depravity
Nothing I've ever done has been with a pure and good intention
Selfishness and greed have always been my modus operandi
Truly I am not this good person I have always perceived myself to be
I am a dirty, unclean human being
I stand here in shame, more naked than the day I was born
Hell is to be my permanent home
I look to the sky and a scream, louder than a siren, comes out of me
"Jesus, I am nothing but a dead corpse, rotting because of my depravity
Sinking so very quickly in the most potent quick sand
My sins are my death warrant and I have no one else to blame
Save me, because only You can."
Jesus, you have loved me before I could hardly breathe
No one in heaven do I have, but Thee
I have nothing to give You accept for this pitiful life I don't want or will ever need
You, forever, will be my life and song
I pray that my delight would be in You and only You
That my eyes would never stray from THE Redeemer
Now I know where true purpose, security, and fulfillment comes from
Not from people, money, popularity and anything of this world
But from knowing and loving Him
Now I know to who my gladness has gone.
Author's note: This is my first poem on Fiction Press, but I've been on here for a little over a year. Anyway, I pray that you get something out of this poem.