I ask myself when my life had gone bad

Only to remember when I was last glad

How is it possible to completely undue the past?

Only to remember that the present is all I have.

Gone are the days of having a mindless entity

I know what I am and what it has done to Thee

I am wretched deserving of a death so eternally desolate

Forever away from the One who loved me before I could see

Here I am scarring the One who has never left me

Yet I am the one who's gone when temptation is in front of me

Love and blood ran together to set me free

Yet here I am still a friend of the Enemy

Having a free, clear heart and mind are my wanted reprieve

But I am the one who is to blame for my depravity

Nothing I've ever done has been with a pure and good intention

Selfishness and greed have always been my modus operandi

Truly I am not this good person I have always perceived myself to be

I am a dirty, unclean human being

I stand here in shame, more naked than the day I was born

Hell is to be my permanent home

I look to the sky and a scream, louder than a siren, comes out of me

"Jesus, I am nothing but a dead corpse, rotting because of my depravity

Sinking so very quickly in the most potent quick sand

My sins are my death warrant and I have no one else to blame

Save me, because only You can."

Jesus, you have loved me before I could hardly breathe

No one in heaven do I have, but Thee

I have nothing to give You accept for this pitiful life I don't want or will ever need

You, forever, will be my life and song

I pray that my delight would be in You and only You

That my eyes would never stray from THE Redeemer

Now I know where true purpose, security, and fulfillment comes from

Not from people, money, popularity and anything of this world

But from knowing and loving Him

Now I know to who my gladness has gone.

Author's note: This is my first poem on Fiction Press, but I've been on here for a little over a year. Anyway, I pray that you get something out of this poem.