Everything's A Really Boring Story!!

By Shane Glynn

In the beginning there was nothing, obviously. All that nothing anywhere and everywhere with nothing to do, well, nothing got bored. So, all of nothing got together and decided to become something. One nothing crammed up with another nothing and all the rest of nothing as tight as they possibly could and became rock.

So that was fine and rock was rock for some time, but, eventually rock got bored of being just rock. Rock wanted more. So, in one big bang rock split up into millions of different rock bits, or, more accurately, big groups of nothing. Some big, some small, all of them floating this way and that through the nothing they left behind when becoming.

That was grand for a while but boredom crept up on the rocks again. They were bored of being just loads of rocks. They wanted a bit more freedom within themselves, so, some rocks decided to loosen up a little, you know, let there hair down. They stretched out a bit and relaxed some of there bits and earth, water and air were born. All swishing around the rock having the time of their lives. Some rock who never thought of this got so bored that they committed suicide, exploding and imploding and combusting here and there. The odd one attracted crowds the other rocks who gathered around to watch, out of sheer boredom.

Well time passed along for a long time and the sea and air and earth got pretty bored. The sea wondered what it would be like on the earth and in the air. As did the earth and air become intrigued as to what their surrounding had to offer. So loads of bits of the sea came together and formed entities capable of investigating the land and the sky. Both the air and the earth marvelled at this and quickly followed suit. They developed different ways of staving off the boredom, creating creatures with eyes and ears and mouths so they could investigate each other in many different ways. Soon there were millions of different bits of bored air and sea and earth, that were really nothing going nuts, all over the place having a ball. This however got quite boring, so boring in fact that they turned murderous. All of the earth creatures rampaged and started slaughtering anything from the sea and the sky. This started a war as each creature grew bigger and bigger in an attempt to outweigh and consume their enemies. They kept at this for a longness of great longitude until this too got so boring that most of the biggest ones decided to eat themselves instead.

The smaller creatures which survived thought better of killing each other and opted to play with each other instead. They manipulated the earth and sky and sea creating things with the imagination of really the really bored things that they were. They found ways to share each other essence and create more wonderful creatures, more intelligent ones who talked to each other and built things and interacted with all corners of the realms of possibility and got so caught up having so much fun and not being bored that they forgot they were really just nothing.

Boring, isn't it.