She picked up her phone and dialed.

She knew the number by heart simply because she had dialed it so many times before. If she wanted to, she could have typed in the numbers with her eyes closed. Less than a year ago, she could remember almost constantly tapping in the familiar sequence of digits, counting the rings, and then smiling when she heard his voice.

That's all over now, she told herself, putting the phone up to her ear after hitting the green dial button. I just need to tell him how to stop forwarding all his voicemails to my phone. That's all.

Ring, ring, ring. She waited for him to open the phone and say "Hello?" in that deep voice of his. She closed her eyes as she counted the rings. She had once told him how many times a phone usually rang before it went to voicemail. As the rings continued on, she let out a short sigh. Still never picks up his damn phone.

"Hey, you've reached Trevor. Leave a message or whatever."

Her eyes slid shut briefly as she listened to his voice. A recording of his voice, but it still made her heart ache to hear it. She slid her thumb in between the screen and the keys before a thought dawned on her: why not get closure? Trevor would never hear the voicemail anyways, seeing as how everything got forwarded to her phone. Biting her lower lip slightly, she began to speak.

"Hey Trevor," she started quietly. "It's Keller—but I'm sure you already know that. Unless you've removed me as one of your contacts." Keller sighed briefly, brushing some of her dark blonde hair off her shoulder. "I don't even know why I'm saying that." She took a deep breath, hating how affected she still was. "Our phone calls were never this awkward," she muttered. "I mean, I could call you and have nothing to say and we would still end up talking for hours."

Keller felt tears prick her eyes. "God, why did you leave?!" she almost shouted into the phone. "I loved you so much. I waited months for a call. For a letter or an email. I would go to work, come home, and stare at my phone or computer. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep; all I did was work and wait. I would've understood if we had already broken up or whatever, but God, I'm your girlfriend!" She paused and sniffed, pushing some of her hair out of her eyes. "Was," she corrected, swallowing. "I was your girlfriend."

She cleared her throat and chewed on her lower lip, the phone still pressed against her ear. Fuck it. I'm not even making sense anymore. Keller almost ended the call when she suddenly burst out with, "I don't care if you hate me or not; I just want to know why you left me. I guess I'll have to call again for that, seeing as how I still get all your voicemails. And I do mean all of them. Do you have any guy friends, Trevor? Or do you just avoid picking up your phone for your stalkers?" Way to go Keller. Make it sound like you're stalking him. "And I don't count as a stalker," she hastily added. "This will be my only call, I promise. Not that you'd know, but still."

Keller paused again. It was kind of strange talking to yourself on the phone, she realized. "I don't even know why I'm still so in love with you. You weren't my first love, you weren't my childhood friend, and you weren't my 'wonder wall'. You were just a boy who came up to me one day." Keller chuckled. "I still remember that stupid question you asked me when we first met. 'Hey, can blind people cry?' And you looked so serious too that I actually felt bad for laughing. Now that I realize it, I don't think I ever gave you an answer for that. So yes, Trevor, blind people can cry. Just because they're blind, doesn't mean that they don't have eyes."

She briefly shifted her weight from one foot to the other before she continued to speak. "Speaking of first loves, I don't think I ever met yours. But I still remember the time when you told me that you had found your first love. You'll never know this, but I cried for hours after you left. I was in the middle of studying in the library too! But you knew then, didn't you? Before I told you how I felt? You knew that, no matter what I was doing, no matter where I was, I would always stop and make time for you," she murmured. Confessing all of this to a voicemail that she was going to receive didn't exactly make her feel better, unlike what she had hoped.

"Do you know that I tried to make you jealous? Probably not, and thanks to the fact that I still get your voicemails, you probably never will. Some girl named Jill wants to see you. She left a very graphic message; made me blush. Sounds like a keeper," she muttered, ignoring the clenching of her chest. "This is closure, this is closure," she whispered before continuing her one-sided conversation. "When I was dating that lacrosse-playing friend of yours, it was originally to try and make you jealous. I didn't think that I'd actually like him. Nor did I think that he would cheat on me." She let out a sigh and ran a hand through her tousled locks. "And you said that you would beat him up for me if I wanted. I knew you wouldn't though; bros before hoes, right? God, I can't believe I actually said that." Keller let out a short laugh.

"See, this is what college does to my vocabulary," she joked before remembering that no one was on the other line. Biting on the inside of her lips, she whispered, "I miss you Trevor. I really miss you. Do you think about me at all? Don't you ever wonder what our relationship could've turned into? You told me I was different." Keller paused to move onto one of her kitchen bar stools. She leaned her head against one hand and absently ran her fingers through her hair. "But I wasn't. I think I even knew that I wasn't, but I didn't want to believe it. Denial, denial," she murmured, absently wagging a finger at herself.

"I was eighteen when we met; now I'm twenty-three and I'm still waiting for you. I'm in still in love with you." Keller closed her eyes. "I don't want to be, but I am. But I'm not going to let my life waste away from me again. I'm going to stop waiting for you." Liar, liar, she mentally scolded herself. Hearing her voice break on the word 'waiting' didn't really convince her either. "I need to get on with my life, Trevor. I'll always be in love with you; but I can't keep waiting. You've obviously moved on—so, why the hell can't I?" She slammed her fist against the countertop.

"Maybe I need to meet someone new," Keller spoke. "Or maybe I just need to give it more time. When I met you, I was still getting over my first love. Maybe it works for the second love too—meeting someone new. Someone handsome and caring who asks stupid questions." She smiled in spite of herself. "But hopefully not someone who will leave me again." Keller sighed; this phone call had definitely taken an emotional toll on her.

"So, I'm going to try. But if I don't ask this now, I know I'll always wonder. Even when I'm married and have three kids and I'm graying and old and senile, I'll wonder. Did you ever love me, Trevor? Did you ever think that, maybe, we could've gone the 'together forever' route? Did you ever wonder what our children would look like, or where we would live, or even if we would get married? Did you ever wonder, or was that all just me? Just mushy-lovey girlfriend thoughts?" Keller's cheeks were damp with tears that she didn't know she was crying. "Did you ever think about our future?"

She let her eyes slide closed and her lips tremble slightly. There. All done, she thought, sliding her thumb over the red 'End' button on her phone.


Immediately, her eyes shot open and she snapped her phone shut. Pressing a hand over her mouth, she stared at the electronic. Oh my God. Slowly, she reopened her phone, hoping that the 'New Voicemail' message would be flashing.

Nothing on the screen.

That's okay, she told herself, closing the phone again. Voicemails take a while to process. So she waited ten more minutes before opening her phone again. This time, she shut her eyes tightly while lifting the cover. New voicemail, new voicemail, new voicemail, she mentally chanted, cracking an eye open.