The Emperor's New Color

Not so long ago, in an Empire not so far away, the Ruling Class discussed ways they could prevent the people from noticing how badly they were doing their jobs.

"We could start a war."

"Too obvious."

"How about getting Hollywood to make a right-wing conspiracy flick?

"Old stuff."

"What if we had a black Emperor to take all the heat? No one would dare complain about him for fear of being called a racist."


Talent scouts were dispatched throughout the Empire and found the perfect candidate -- King Bill of Arkansas. He was placed on the throne and choirs of news sopranos led the crowds in cheering: "All hail the first black Emperor!"

He proved to be an even greater scoundrel than the Ruling Class, much to their delight. They wallowed with him in orgies, lies, crime and all-round malfeasance, with no one daring to speak a word of disapproval. Then one day a small child saw the Emperor on television and cried:

"He's not black at all! He's white enough to be a Klan sheet on a Democratic senator."

Before the Ruling Class could kill the child, the people saw the Emperor's true color and kicked him off of the throne onto a huge pile of money that got huger every time he told another lie about his regime.

The Ruling Class, believing as always that they could do the same thing over and over and get different results, sent their talent scouts out again. One of them reported that he had found a good prospect.

"But he's only half-black."

"Which half?

"Does it matter?"

"Of course it matters, dummy. If his mother was black, it means his father was a cruel, selfish, capitalist white male chauvinist pig who oppressed women and forced a sweet innocent virgin to give birth to his half-breed whelp. But if his father was black, it means that his mother was a liberated, enlightened modern woman of the world with superior intelligence and the courage to overcome social taboos in selecting the best possible male parent for her child."

"Then we've got a winner!"

(Moral: Don't blush too red, or you might become the First American Indian President.)