Ch. 1 Control Your Temper

"Don't stare at me like that," I whispered to Levi.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Gee. That's hilarious Levi."

"I didn't mean it like that."

Levi seemed one of the only people who didn't see me as a freak show.

"Why can't I look at you?"

"First of all that's just creepy and second and I…I just don't like you staring at me like that."

"Sorry," he looked back at the questionable mush called food on his school lunch tray.

We were both high school freshmen at a local Ohio high school.

"Hey," it was Bentley, taking a seat next to the goth Levi. Very shortly we were joined by one more person: Alex.

Outcast was an understatement. We were seen as the Freak Shows. Levi's the school's only goth and was very proud. Bentley was….well Bentley is socially awkward. He stutters and looks bug-eyed and drug-addict crazy with short blonde-brown and brown eyes. When you get down to it though, he's much saner than he looks. Alex was the open gay. Not the girly-in-your-face gay, but he let people know. Then there was me. I was the crazy-anorexic-emo-suicidal guy. Wonderful title given by wonderful people.

"Yo," Alex sat down next to me, shoving a plate of salad at me, "Eat it."

"Why?"

"Because I said so…eat it."

"Why do I have to?"

"Because, Wolf, you'll die if you don't."

"Well maybe I-"

"No you don't Wolf."

"Whatever," I say shoveling a bit of salad into my mouth, "Happy?"

"All of it Wolf," Alex glared at me.

They were the people who helped and were still helping me get through it. The break-up that sparked it all, the death of a family member, and the sexual abuse from my mother.

I wasn't even friends with those people until about a year ago…

"I love you Wolf," Liam passionately pressed his lips to mine.

I pulled away, "I don't know…it's my first time…I don't think I'm ready. I'm only fourteen."

"You'll do just fine baby."

"O-okay."

That wasn't my first mistake. Liam was an eighteen year old senior and I was an eighth grader. Sometimes I forget we meet when I hired him as my tutor.

"Just relax," Liam said pulling off my shirt.

"I-I"

"You promised you'd do this for me, Wolf. Do you love me?"

Yes, I did. With all my heart, "You know I do."

"Then please… it's been six months and we haven't had sex yet."

"I-I'm a virgin."

"I know, baby," Liam pulled his shirt off and began working on my pants.

"It…I'm really scared Liam."

"Why? Sex is wonderful."

"Because…I….I want you to completely accept me and….I don't know if you will accept me."

"Don't think okay? Just do what feels natural."

"Okay."

Within minutes we were both completely naked. I was crossing my legs as Liam was trying to grope me.

"Wolf. Uncross your legs. Let me touch your cock,"

"I-I…" I shook my head.

"Why the hell not?"

"I'm not ready Liam. Not yet…I'm sorry."

"Whatever." He crawled off of me and rolled onto his side, "Just go to sleep."

"I love you Liam."

"Yeah."

And that was the last thing he'd said to me.

I woke the next morning to find a note on the bedside table.

"Wolf," it read, "I never loved you. Sex was my only objective. And obviously you won't give it to me. The only reason I stayed with an obese ugly bitch like you is because I wanted to take your virgin ass. I was going to leave right after sex, but that took too long. Don't ever call me, text me, or email me ever again and I swear to god if you do I'll kill you. A terrible fat repulsive person like you would be better off dead.

-Liam"

The note fell from my hands and I begun to shake and cry.

Ugly. Obese. Repulsive. I never loved you. Better off dead.

I couldn't even breathe. I honestly wanted to die. The person I truly loved hated me. Everything about me. I was going to be his sex toy. That's all I was to him.

I found a razor in the hotel room somewhere and pressed it to the delicate flesh of my under arm. I was still shaking, still crying. Those words were like storms in my head.

I'd only heard the term emo used jokingly. I didn't even know what to do, or why other people did slit their wrist.

My reason was personal. I was hoping, just maybe, that razor could take away some of the emotional pain that was beginning to kill me.

Liam was a liar who didn't love me even for a fraction of a second. I was simply someone he wanted to have sex with. Everyday I'd spent with him was worthless.

I stayed in that hotel room for another few hours, only having three shallow cuts on my left arm. I was beginning to blame myself for his departure. Maybe, if I had given him sex, he would have stayed. Maybe I was just too fat and sickening for him to be around me for even a second more. Maybe everything was my fault. And maybe I did deserve to die.


Okay first chapter! yeah! also my first story here! please, if you like the story, review or send a message, because if you don't how will i know you're reading?

Thank you!