Analyze Me

She was the expert and he was another subject but somehow they had just switched roles.

Chapter 1: Why?

"Miss Reynolds, could you stop the water works? I'm running out of tissues!"

Instead she did the opposite and cried harder as she rolled on the couch causing another aspirin to travel down my throat. Diane Reynolds had been coming at least three times a week, every time it was the same story and every time I was stuck reassuring her that things would turn out and every time I had to call security to escort her out.

It was tiresome, plain and simple.

"I'm just so alone!" Diane sniffed pathetically and I had to control my urge to just chuck my stapler and watch her go into an unconscious state

"Well Diane, considering that you're divorce and that your kids resent you and that you haven't dated in the past five years…one has to ask why you still come here."

"I-I just need to talk, nobody listens and I---"

"Diane, you know I don't give a flying fuck about your problems. So ask yourself, why are you still here?"

Her mouth tried to muster a response but instead she closed it and took a deep breath. It was as if I had just cracked a murder and foiled her plans. Standing up I began stretching my arms over my head as I walked around my desk.

"Where are you going?" she asked me in this tiny voice and I knew she was for another onslaught of tears. "What do I do?! You can't leave me!"

"Actually I can and as your therapist I suggest you take a long vacation." I tell her.

"B-But I'm not done and---"

"Diane." I cut her off because I just don't give a damn about her excuses. "I want you to think about what I said and come back…only when you decide to."


I nod my head as I pull her up to her feet. "Yes Diane you, there's nothing really wrong with you. You just need to find yourself again and when you do…everything will make sense."

"What if I have a break down?" I saw the wide panic in her eyes but this lady is at the end of my rope.

"You'll deal with it." I smile brightly as I push her out of my office.

"Where should I go?" she demanded as she held the door opened while I was trying to close it, seriously couldn't she take a hint?

"Anywhere but here." Then with one final push the door was shut and there was no more Diane Reynolds. I felt like this huge debt had just vanished and I was finally ready for some time for me when I hear I knock at my door. God help me if it's her again.

"Break up with another one?" The voice said when I opened the door and I wish I hadn't.

"Not break up, more like…let go." I explained but she wasn't buying.

"Jones, I'd like a word." She tells me in a tired tone.

"How about we do this in my office since we're already here?" I asked because who in their right mind wants to walk all the way to an elevator, down two or three halls just to go into an office?

"Now." and then she left me to follow because I'm some sort of dog and I don't know where her office is. It isn't like I haven't gone in there more than ten times.

Grumpily we went to her office and I sat down while she prepared a cup of coffee. The reason she does this is to rub into our faces that we'd never get an office quite like hers. Although she never says it her actions alone prove it…conceited woman.

"Come on Linda, lay it on me." I groan and I realize that lunch is far, far away from me now.

"Jones, do you remember what our goal here at Escada is?"

Now the smart answer would be to yes and to recite just that. But that 'smart' answer is the wrong one. That's why the interns don't come in anymore.

"I'll be honest, it's a little foggy." I know she loves to recite the rules as she has her miss universe moment.

"Here at Escada we try and provide our clients with the help they deserve. We pledge to give our hundred percent worth of attention. No client is too important than another as we aim for their success because that's when we succeed."

"Yeah, it's starting to cone back to me."

"Jones, you've dismissed more than thirty clients and all your excuses have been ridiculous. Do you know why I haven't fired you yet?" Linda said but I know this isn't a trick question.

"Because I'm cute and provide too much entertainment to this boring old building?" I answer smiling and I notice the corner of lips turn upwards.

She stayed silent as she contemplated my answer. "You are partly right, you're work…has been…relatively good despite your cruel methods."

"Aw shucks, you embarrass me but go on." I smirk; it was always great to get a compliment from miss perfect.

"Nevertheless Jones, I want this foolishness to end. Our clients are---"

"Our meaning of life, yes I get it. Jesus, you know sis you can be a real pain in the ass." I admit as I stand up and turn to the door.

Linda Jones couldn't help but sigh at her younger sister's comment. If she knew that everyday she would need to pop an aspirin from all the customers that she dealt with then maybe she would have never suggested her interning. However, it was clear without a doubt that her sister was happy and this whole experience allowed them to bond more than before.

So who cares if she wanted to throw herself off a bridge because of her sibling? There were many others who felt the same way. Sitting behind her desk she opened her drawer and started to look although some files.

"Linda, what are you doing?"

"Looking for your next case." she began when she let out a triumphant cry. "I found it; I think you both will get along just fine."

Taking the file from her hands, I glanced down at the information, surprised that there was no picture. Keeping silent I finally looked up at my sister. "He sounds like a pansy, and much more on your level than mine thanks."

"Cassie, he's your new case and I expect results. I'm warning you if you mess this up I swear to god you can kiss your ass goodbye." Linda tells me and instead of shivering with fear I roll my eyes. "Are we clear?"

"Sure. Well, I'm off to another rule-enforcing building so I'll see you around." I say before she can utter another word.


"And then he tells me that I'm not the greatest he's ever had!"

I groan as I listen to her ramble about her latest friend with benefits. I have to ask her and myself when exactly she was going to learn to avoid dating the usual jock, the smoker, or silent boy in the corner. It only brought her misery and me…excruciating pain. Yet, I suppose that's what the definition of a friend is.

"Cass, can I have your opinion please?" She demanded huffing at me as if I was the one who insulted her sexual talents.

"Why? You won't follow it and I don't particularly feel like wasting my breath on you Karissa."

Karissa Rothstein, preferably known as Kari glared at me but my mind was on other things. Not only was I told about my newest whiner but I've been recommended to tutor a fellow helpless student. But what irked me most was that this person was a sports freak and everyone knows how bothersome they are. I want nothing more than to dump him on someone else, but my teacher made it perfectly clear that it was impossible.

"Heartless bitch, you know I don't know why I bother to tell you things." Kari blurted out in an attempt to wound me.

"Well life's a bitch so grow up and stop having meaningless sex." I exclaimed getting my stuff together, "that Kari is my advice. Should you take it is entirely up to you. I bid you…a good day."

Usually my temper doesn't reach Kari. I'm going to have to text her an apology later. For now my latest dumb fuck awaited and it was deemed rude to keep another waiting. Although I know he'll be late too so I take the long way to the library.

I go to Dunstan College and apart from its crappy name the school was nice to look at--- if you're just starting out. The rest of us however are nearly scratching on the wall itching to leave. It consisted of at least eight floors and no, the elevators can't take you to all of the floors, this is why man built stairs. The school had an indoor pool, a huge field, and an impressive art section and music room….with actual instruments that don't look like they came from a cheap store.

Using the emergency stairs I went up all the way to the fifth floor where the entrance of the library stood. Praying silently I walked on inside and as usual it was quiet. Making my way to the higher level I went to the back passing rows and rows of bookshelves until I came upon a boy---okay, a young man sitting casually in the seat looking out the window.

He was certainly tall despite his sitting position. His shaggy brown hair fell over his dark eyes and tanned skin. A total catch as my friend Kari puts it but to me it was just another way to say…jock.

As if sensing he wasn't alone he looked at me. His eyes roamed my figure up and down and I had to stop myself from throwing something at his face for his obvious actions. Instead I took a seat in front of him, folded my hands together in front of me.

"So how stupid are you?" I asked casually and laughed inside at the shocked look he presented. Jocks, they think they've seen it all.

"I don't think that's an appropriate question." He said his voice laced with an accent I couldn't quite distinguish.

I shrugged. "That depends on whose definition we're looking at. I just need to know so I can calculate how much you're going to pay me."

I loved the way his eyes just seemed to widen at my response; did I really hold such an effect on the people?

"Pay you? I'm sorry that wasn't part of the deal, Mr. Franklin said----"

"Did you sign any documents?" I ask cutting him off immediately.

"Yeah but what does---"

"Then you must have known!" I tell him. "A word of advice, always and I mean always read the fine print."

I saw the scowl on his face which told me he was less than please. Taking my stuff I look at the time. It was obvious he had things to think about and I was not going to hold his hand until he figured it out.

"Where are you going?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"To grab some dinner and don't worry I won't feel offended if you want to find someone else. Honestly, you'll be helping so no hard feelings right?" I quickly turned around and left.


Sitting in my office I drank my apple and cinnamon tea slowly. Today was the day I would meet my charge or prisoner both seemed appealing in its own way. Linda made me promise at least twenty times that I would give this person a chance without smart remarks---if manageable. I laughed at that but nevertheless I do try to please my sister once in a while. I just wished this guy would get here.

All I know is his name…Elliot Dering and that he had some major issues, but then again who didn't?

Suddenly there was a knock at my door and I knew it was time. Ordering the person to come in I took my last sip of tea only to quickly spit it out.

"What in the hell!" I shouted. Why is it that the people I try to blow off always come back.

"Hey doc, it's nice to see you too." He said closing the door while shooting me an amused smile.

"Oh don't make yourself comfortable, I'm not your therapist!" I tell him standing up and marching to the door only to have him block me. Just who did this guy think he is? We continue to glare at one another but in that instant my forehead started hurt. Sighing I went behind my desk.

"This is annoying."

"That's it? You're not going to bitch at me to get out?" he questioned still not understanding how quickly I can change my mood.

I eyed him tiredly. "I could request for a transfer but that won't be happening so let's make the best of it." Taking out his file I rummaged through it.

I could feel him staring at me from his seat on the plush couch but I didn't look at him. Throwing his file casually at my desk and I gave him a confused.

"From these reports you don't talk about anything and you waste time…I don't know why you need a therapist."

"You don't seem like a quitter Cassie. I thought you would love to hack into my brain and figure me out." Elliot pointed out while leaning back.

I chuckled at his analysis. "Oh Mr. Dering, you're confusing with somebody else. Sit here all you want. I'm still getting your money and frankly I don't give a shit if you come out sane by the end. You have issues…my best advice is for you to deal with them."

I looked at the clock and by rule the first session is more to bond with the patient. Nothing ever happens and since he wasn't going to say anything, I might as well call it day. That thought sent smiles to my face and I can't help but envision cheese croissants waiting for me.

Seeing my instant smile he looked around a little unsure of himself. I on the other hand just don't care.

"Well Mr. Dering it's been fun. Come back you're ready and have a nice afternoon." I announce getting ready to leave.

I saw him open his mouth to protest but he closed it. Good to know he was learning. I grabbed my stuff and opened the door only to have it closed shut. I turned my head to look at him. His head was bowed down and he was so close I could smell his cologne.

Swiss Army…yum.

"May I help you Mr. Dering?" I ask casually hoping to god he'll give me some space to breath.

"Look---I know you don't like me but…"

"But what Mr. Dering?" Goodness I hate when people do those long pauses.

He took a step back and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. Feeling sympathy and I go back to my desk.

"This better be worth it." I muttered but loud enough for him to hear me as he lies back down.

We didn't talk for a long time and here I am questioning my decision to stay. I was ready to tell him to go home when he finally spoke.

"Why a therapist?"

"Come again?" I ask totally caught off guard.

"Why did you pick this job? You don't seem to care about anyone…if I may say so." He said carefully.

"Honestly, it's because I secretly get a kick out of sucker like you." I smile.

He laughed sitting up and staring at me with intense green eyes. "Is that really it?"

"Can't think of anything else, beside shouldn't I be analyzing you?"

He shrugged. "You have my file so shouldn't that enough?"

Taking up his file I scribbled in it white announcing it. "Patient is hostile, quick tempered, doesn't listen---"

"Alright, I got it." He said in an abrupt tone, "I wasn't expecting you to read my file."

"Why not? It's about you and mandatory if we're going to work something out." I explain in a matter of fact tone.

At this a slow pleasing smile made its way on his face and now I wish I kept my mouth shut. He ready to say something stupid but I cut him off.

"Say it and I'm leaving." I warned him.

"All I was going to say was that you care is all." He tells me innocently.

I give him a fake smile. "Not willingly." Groaning, I prayed for something to get me out of here, for some buffoon to pull the fire alarm and then it happened…the phone rang. Picking up rapidly I silently said my thanks to the angels for saving me from this devil.

"Doctor Jones speaking" I say in melodic tone hoping that this is my ticket out.

"I can't believe you text me an apology" A familiar voice yelled, "That's like texting a break-up!"

All of a sudden my hopeful mood was no more as I listened to my other crises poor her heart out. "Don't take it so personally, by now you should know me and you should know that I don't like that complicated emotional business." I tell her calmly but that doesn't cease her hysterics.

"That's bullshit, Cassie I want a real apology, as in face to face and you better be ready to deliver." Kari instructed in a stern tone.

"Does this mean you're outside the building?" I questioned in a bored tone.

"Damn straight."

"I'll see you in five." And then I hung up and shook my head. Really if I had known Kari was going to like this maybe I wouldn't have shared my pb&j sandwich on the playground that day. Nevertheless I suppose to I should swallow my pride and comfort her; god only knew what she was capable of when she got upset

"Okay Mr. Dering now I really have to go so let's say you come back Thursday hmm." I told him without looking at him while I got my things together.

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and watched me, I felt his stare on me and my movements slowed as I turned to look at him questionably. "Is something the matter?"

He shook his head and grabbed his coat. "Nothing, see you Thursday Cassie." And then he was out the door.

Straightening myself together I frowned and I wonder what just happened. Leaving the office I signed out and met Kari. "Finally, what took you so long?" She asked annoyingly as we got into her car.

"Oh you know…the usual." And then we drive off.