"this is my last cigarette." you said.
(meaning: this is my last mistake).

I know this is not true,
that it's never
the truth.

I hate that your not around anymore.
I hate that for a while, I really liked you.
and I hate that you made me believe,
that you wanted to be special to me.

you said too much sometimes.
and at some point, you started lying.

(I wish my mail box wasn't empty all the time)

please don't get up and look down the hall.
and see me for what I really am.
(I'm drinking more to get you to love me)
to get myself used to a relationship with you.
(or am I used that as an excuse?
it's hard for me to tell..)

who the fuck set my carpet on fire?
what is that on the floor?
..fuck.