A Never Ending Rant
Alright, so I just really need to vent, so here it goes. I'm really tired right now. And I'm at school right now, but we aren't doing anything at school.
So I keep listening to this song "Always attract" by You Me At Six. And they opening line is "if it hurts this much, then it must be love"
and I just keep thinking about how stupid I was to trust someone soo much with my entire being. It's really really dumb of me. I can't believe that I did it again. I told myself never again would I get hurt by doing that. And here I am doing it all over again. And now I'm just pushing everyone away. My once "friends" I know consider annoying, and I don't want them to even get close to me. I hate being around these people. they don't know anything about me. They don't know who I am really. They think I'm just some smart kid who always does his homework. They don't know me for the suffering cutter who thinks of suicide more often than he would like to admit. Who goes home and just thinks why. Who wants to know why he is the one who has to suffer while everyone else just lives their lives as if nothing is wrong. They don't know me. They don't know what I have to put up with. What I have to endure. They don't know the pressures and expectations that have fallen upon me.
I thought that by trusting someone things would be ok. I thought that by giving someone everything, I'd get it back in return. I couldn't have been more wrong… If it hurts this much then it must be love?
Love hurts. It's something that no one should have to endure. Losing someone so close to you is something that no one should have to face… especially not alone. But who am I to turn to?
Poor "Guy" no one notices what I don't want. I am literally shaking right now in class and no one even knows I'm typing this… how observant.
This never ending rant…
I want things to get better. I want to leave here in the worst possible way. I want to go somewhere where no one knows my name, where I can start all over. A clean slate. I want things to be ok for me. I want to wake up one day and realize that it was all a bad dream. I want thing to go back to the way they were. Simple. Easy. Calm. I wish that I didn't make the mistakes I made. I wish that I was whole, and that these scars would disappear….
"If harts this much. Then it must be love"