because I loved you,
when I was
and the scene,
was sweet and,
candy coated.

where words got lost. easier.
and sex was, l o u d e r.
but no less,

because every time you call,
something in me cracks.
and my lungs backfire noise,
that sounds like words. (but they are only
breathless moans).

which is why, I get so,
hopelessly lost, when my eyes catch yours.
and a little too loud,
during sex.

you motivated me way past breathing,
and straight into
oncoming traffic.

you were-
(nonono, don't use the word again-)
s p e c I a l.

(you suck three pillowbooks out of my heart.
and more poems, than would be appropriate to count,
with my sanity already under attack)

you dragged my heart around, for two weeks.
(bullshit: since day one). I was fucking breathless,
all the time. I stopped eating, 20 minutes in.

but I know, if I let myself think about it,
for too long, when its late, and there's no one,
to watch me… I will:
I will:I will:I will:
hate you.