Author's Note: This poem does not intend to offend. It's just written from my personal beliefs and experiences. It's based on what some christians belief heaven to be. Also, it was written for the Review Game's Writing Challenge Contest. The prompt was "For many are called, but few are chosen." - Matthew 22:14


At the entrance to Heaven I stood

With suitcase packed and ready to go

The queue stretched for miles behind me

While the earth stretched for miles below.

Saint Peter guarded the gates

With his glasses slightly askew

He flipped through the book of Heaven

As I looked down at the sky so blue.

Come my turn, I approached him

And gave him a little wave

He blinked and looked up my name

To see if I was worthy to save.

"Welcome to Heaven," he said

When the paperwork was done.

"I hope you enjoy your stay.

Goodbye and have fun!"

"Thank you," I said, then asked

"Sir, do you know what room

I could find my friend, Beth

I was hoping to see her soon."

Saint Peter gave a little frown

And looked up her name as well.

"Well, I'm sorry to tell you this

But it seems she's going to Hell."

"But she was the nicest person,"

I argued on her behalf.

"She worked at a homeless shelter.

And knew how to make me laugh."

Saint Peter peered down at me

And smiled just a smidgeon

"I'm sure she was, my dear.

But she wasn't the right religion."

"And not to mention," he went on,

"It seems your friend Beth vowed

Not to go anywhere without her dog

Here, there's no pets allowed."

"No pets!" I said. "But when I'm sad"

I love to give dogs hugs."

"But here you're always happy," he said

"Like with antidepressant drugs."

"Oh, and your uncle Bill

You know, the one who's gay?

He can't get in either ," he said.

I cried out in dismay.

Then I picked up my bags and turned around

"As far as I can tell.

This place is overrated.

I'd rather go to Hell."