Sorry I haven't been updating for a long time because of the works I'm doing in school! So, this is the chapter 20 of Will it Matter! Finally! I've got it right! I've been changing the story line of this chapter for almost three times!Hope you like it, Guys!I'm about to finish this story! So keep in touch! But, this story may still reach until 27 chapters or maybe more. I don't want to finish it! But hopefully, I'm going to make a second book of this!I'm starting on my new story! But just concentrate on this, Okay?
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I opened my eyes carefully.
It was already night time. I was leaning on Charles and hugging myself closer to him. I detached myself from him and stared at his face. He was staring at me, too. His eyes were very penetrating that I can't seem to look away.
Then, as if he felt the need, he spoke to me while stroking my hair.
"Dinner time." He grinned.
"Oh. Is dad there?"
"No. It's just Nate and us. They ate awhile ago, you know." then, he pulled me to my feet and held my hand while entering the grand dining hall.
When we opened the door, I saw the figure of Nate eating alone in the long table, the chandeliers giving a different shade of red into his hair. Then, he looked up.
"Sit down, guys. The food's getting cold." Nate said.
I took my seat across him and Charles sat beside me.
I got my food from the big plates and began to eat.
"Hey Nate! I saw the newspaper from New York just this afternoon. Got shocked, you know." he laughed. "Buddy, who's that girl with you there in the pic? The one you're going shopping with?"
I stared down at my food, my eye sockets almost malfunctioning.
"Uh…that? She's my…girlfriend." He said casually.
I gulped down hard that I almost made a loud noise. Then, I extended my leg under the table and searched for Nate's foot. When I felt something hard underneath my own foot, I stamped on it so hard that Nate groaned.
"Uh! Ouch…" he said, looking at me pointedly.
I smiled menacingly at him.
"Huh? What's happening?" Charles probed, looking around.
Nate shook his head. "nothing, Charles. Nothing." he emphasized the word "nothing." that was really good of him.
"So…your girlfriend huh? How long have you been dating her?" Charles pressed.
"Almost six months from now." Nate smiled.
Then, I dropped my fork—I was shocked!—and began breathing hard. I stared at my plate like it's an enemy about to pounce.
"Are you okay?" Charles asked and Nate was just staring at me. He was going red and he seemed to laugh.
I threw Nate a pointed look while choking on the food inside my body. Dammit.
Charles rubbed my back softly.
"Honey, are you okay?"
"yes." I gulped. "I think I'll go to my room now. I've had enough food, anyway."
I stood up and Charles followed behind me.
When we're outside and in front of my room, we just stood at the doorway.
"Goodnight, Charles." I said. Then, I reached onto him and kissed him softly.
when we pulled back, he just looked at me and smiled.
"Goodnight. Dream happy dreams, my love." He said.
Then, I opened the door and sank onto my bed.
I'm alone now, I thought.
Then, I sank onto the bed and tucked the sheets until my neck. I closed my eyes and drained the noises coming from the squirrels outside the house and tried to escape in my own world.
Suddenly, I had this very weird dream. Nate and Charles were talking.
"Who's this girl, Nate? The one in the picture?"
"My girlfriend. I've only known her for at least 7 months but yet, she captured my heart."
"Oh. That's good. At least you've found someone since Katrina."
"Yeah Charles. It's addicting to have her around, though." Nate laughed. "Who's that girl? The one in the picture?"
"My girlfriend, too. It's Beth. Didn't you know? LMFAO, Nate. That's like whoa. She's my girlfriend since a month ago while you're away."
Then, the Nate in my dream grew really mad and started yelling. "How come?! She is my girlfriend, Charles! She is my girlfriend since 5 months ago! That can't be! F—you! How dare you! So, you've been cheating behind my back with my girlfriend?" then, he went to punch Charles in the face.
Charles fell with his back on the floor and looked up at Nate. "Nate, how can she be your girlfriend when she doesn't even love you like she loves me? Nate, you're stupid. She can't be yours when you left her there in the dark, waiting. And yet, when she waited she began losing hope and you didn't even mind making her see the light. That's just sick."
Then, Nate began backing out and ran away, disappearing into the darkness where I heard the faintest shout of my name with the 3 words and eight letters I've been waiting to hear from his mouth.
A sharp scream was released from my mouth. Then, I woke up, panting and trying to gather myself.
It was a weird dream. Yes, why would Nate do that? Why would he tell me that he loves me? Why would he tell that I'm his girlfriend? Charles was the only thing that seemed to be true. It was only his thoughts and his words that made my dream into a reality. Yes, Nate left me in the dark and made me do the hardest choice that I've ever experienced. It wasn't like choosing between two flavors of ice cream in Haagen Dazs.
It was choosing between forgetting the person whom you know can't do anything but leave you and choosing whether to love someone else whom you know you can't love deeply but he'll be there when someone left you. Charles is like the Sun in my nighttime while Nate seemed to be the person bringing the radiating heat during daytime and the cold winds playing in the sky during the night.
I glanced at the bedside clock and realized that only 15 minutes had passed.
There was a sudden knock on my door. And part of my sudden dream became true.
I sat up and leaned onto the headboard. "Come in."
Then, it wasn't Charles. It was Nate. He was leaning casually against one side of the wall. He closed the door gently and sat in front of me.
"Yes, Nate? you're not forgiven for what you just said to Charles." I grumbled. "I'm no girlfriend of yours, idiot. I'm his girlfriend."
"I'm sorry. I was just trying to see your reaction." He grinned.
"Oh. Well, you saw it and it's not good. If your giving me tricks from ye old April Fools, it's too early, dude, it's just the end of January." I smiled at him menacingly.
"Will you forgive me if I give you something?"
"I hate slime. Same with insects or other scary stuff." I declared.
"It's no scary stuff. It's something hard. But it's not a hammer nor a dog bone. Stand up, guest." He grinned.
When he stood up, I got off from the bed and went to face the window.
"Close your eyes." He said.
I closed my eyes, following his directions and at the same time shielding my eyes from the afternoon sun that's entering my room.
I turned around and Nate was suddenly holding out a ring and a big white teddy plush toy that looked so cute. The white plush was holding out a rose.
"Huh? I think it's scary." I said.
"It's not." He laughed.
"I'm not kidding, Nate." raising my eyebrows this time. "If this is what you're doing to get out the crap in me, it's working well."
"I'm not kidding. It's for you so forgive me please. If I have to kneel in front of you, I'll do."
Then, realization came rushing through me.
"Why are you doing this, Nate?" I whispered.
"Isn't it obvious?" he asked.
"Don't play with me, Nate. Say it. Why?" I said, emotion flooding through me. tears almost filling my eyes.
"Don't you get it, Beth? I love you. I. Love. You. And this time, I'm not kidding. I love you more than a friend." He whispered, still holding out the plush.
I shook my head, tears dropping on my cheeks. He came forward and tried to wipe one tear with his thumb.
I flinched and pulled away.
"Is there something wrong?" he asked.
I shook my head and tears were rushing now.
"Yes. This can't be, Nate. It's too late now." I was sobbing now. "This…is…wrong…I said between ragged sobs.
Then, he backed up and placed one of his hands onto the wall, hugging the things he was holding out. he hugged them hard and it began shaking. He was shaking softly. he leaned onto the wall and closed his eyes.
"Late?" he whispered.
Then, I also closed my eyes, wishing that I hadn't loved this guy since the first time he stepped into my world.
I nodded, turning around towards the window so that I can face the moonlight instead of facing this angel sent from heaven in front of me.
"Yes Nate. You're late." I whispered.
"How come? I mean…" I heard the faint rustle of clothing and I immediately turned around only to find out that Nate sat on my bed and laid the gifts on my pillow.
"Can't you see, Nate? I have Charles with me now! It's us! Can't you see?"
"You. Don't. Love. Him." he said.
"Yes. I do. And what is your right to say that? I love him and I know it!" I shouted. I wasn't mad. It just…escaped. As if this thing was built of a lie instead of the truth.
"You don't, Beth" he was serious.
"I do, Nate!" I shouted. "Just shut up! I love him and I'm not lying! You left and what do you expect? Of course, I found someone new! You're not the god that'll tell me about who—"
he cut me off. "You love me." he sighed. "you don't love him."
how dare! I mean, what the hell is wrong with him? he's a jerk! A stupid jerk! Why would he even say that when he doesn't know anything about my life? I'm just sixteen but I'm mature enough for my age, you know! and why the hell would he bother me at this time of the night just to tell me about that?
"I don't love you!" I shouted fiercely. "and how dare you say that? What is wrong with you, Nate? you step into my world, ruin everything I had, mess up my life and worse, control me? This is going over board, Nate! you have no right because you are no one! And I believe that deep inside me, I'm not going to love someone like you. Someone who's a jerk and whose head just got bigger whenever he won games. I won't love someone who's always practicing rather than spending time with friends. And most importantly, I'm not going to love someone with the same Chromosomes and Attitudes like you!" I lied, pointing an accusing finger at him.
He was someone in my life. The person I love. My first love. I loved him since the day he arrived in my house but there's no way I'm going to admit that! I'm not stupid. And besides, I know there nothing good that's going to happen once we become official. I'm just so pathetic to admit that.
Then, as if comprehension arrived, he nodded. "Yes, you're right. You love him. you hate me. and besides, I'm no one. Thanks for reminding me that. Okay, sure. I get what you mean. Thanks for humiliating me and bringing me down, Elizabeth. Now I do get you. You don't want me to be your friend. You don't want any connection from me. I'll give it. I have a mind, Beth. Even though I'm no Ian, I still have a heart. Even though I'm the world's biggest jerk, I don't care. As long as I have a loyal friend, I can survive. Which I'm sure I can't find in you." He said in a quiet voice.
"but you know, you can still have these gifts I gave you." He continued while stroking the plush toy. "Even though I know I can't be yours, these can be yours, anyway. It's like a part of me." he said slowly.
He doesn't get me! That wasn't what I meant about that whole thing!
"That isn't what I meant, Garnier." I whispered fiercely.
"I don't damn get you, Beth! Are you playing with my kindness!" he shouted.
"I get it! You don't love me! fine! I don't care anymore. I'll leave you with Charles! I won't care! Just forget it!" he yelled at me.
I winced and tears began streaming down hard on my cheeks.
He slowly stood up and his face was more gentle. He was walking towards me.
Then, he touched my arm. I pulled away. "don't touch me! I thought that you won't befriend me anymore?! That is the problem with you, Nate! I don't get you, too! Last minute, you hated every part of me like I hated you. Then, now?" I shouted.
I walked away from him and approached the door.
"I'm sorry, Beth! That wasn't what I mean… I was just so mad…maybe, I got carried away…I'm sorry! Beth, wait up!" he said, trailing behind me.
"Maybe, Nate, I got carried away too by what you said. But now, I don't think you're lying. It seems true!" I said. "You just don't know…" I whispered.
I opened the door and closed it fiercely behind me—as if wanting that room and the person inside it to vanish and just be forgotten especially the things that was released. I was still crying hard. But then, I cried harder when I approached the living room. It was Charles there, lounged in out living room. Then, when he heard footsteps he quickly looked behind him.
"Oh God." He said, taking me in.
he stood up immediately and pulled me into his arms.
"I know." I kept on repeating.
"What happened?" he asked.
"Nothing. it's just feels so good for you to be here." I whispered into his chest.
Then, I felt like dissolving with him. I wanted to forget everything.
Charles was still chanting words to comfort me. but it did nothing. how can you love two persons at the same time? How can you accept the words with the other person when you can't seem to accept what you, yourself, just said that seemed to drain the one you love secretly?
"it's fine. I'm here. I still love you. And you still love me right?" Charles said.
"yes. I still do…I love…you." It wasn't much of a lie. But then, a part of me loves him and a part of me loves Nate.
I wish that I can love Charles and erase Nate. why? Because I know by this time, in Nate's life…
Elizabeth Shayne's gone.