I watched my childhood break under my closed fists
Seeing only myself to blame
Crushing little pieces of my dreams between my fingers
One eye closed so as to create the illusion
No minor changes to my physical appearance changed me
Colors in my hair just made me crazier
Shallow wounds, then deeper ones, on my thighs
Only made it harder to sleep at night
A single drastic haircut and two years later
All I have are faint scars and a thousand new starts
Which ones matter are up to someone else to decide
As I gaze up to Heaven and ask of no one but God
"Please save me"
Because I don't know who else to turn to (is there anyone?)
Who else could forgive me for all the wrong I've done
For how I still feel all the little pieces I've lost
The big holes that can only be filled with Jesus
When did I become ashamed of myself?
When will I get better (will I)?
I watched my childhood break under my closed fists
Screaming goodbye to anger, jealousy and old ways of thinking
Selfishness and the desperate need for attention still biting
But not sinking in anymore
I knew everything for a split second
Then was scared that it might be real
So I closed my eyes and kissed my shadow good night
Knowing that morning would bring either clarity
Or the need to move as far as possible
Without changing time zones
Setting ablaze my passion and intentions
Like an SOS in me, burning and sending smoke
"Please hold me"
No
"Please come into my heart"
I watched my childhood break under my closed fists
And I blamed no one
Forward motion consuming me