I am scared of being crazy
Because I know it runs in me
Family heirloom passed down for generations
A hindrance keeping me from true love, perhaps
How can anyone love a crazy person?
Someone who doesn't understand
Normal boundaries
Someone who doesn't know the difference
Between innocent and good deeds
I cannot blame anyone for the quirk in my brain
Just have to swim through it
Not fall to being insane
I'm scared to even name it
"Depression", "anxiety", and yes please don't


I am scared of being too much
Too odd to handle
And how can I have children
Knowing they too might get this
Might hold this gift in their guts
Wishing, as I do, that they could puke it out
Damn myself
Damn my body whole
But I know I must continue this way
Work through it somehow
Become, even if only barely so,
No longer so different it's too much to taste
Please don't let me make this life of mine
A waste.