Peanut butter and chocolate. Peanut butter and chocolate. That's all she could think about, as she ran upstairs to her bedroom. As soon as she got there, she opened up her cabinet and took out the food. With shaking fingers, she dipped the chocolate cookie into the creamy jar before her. She lifted the food to her mouth and chewed slowly, enjoying the treat while the whole time tears were coming down her face. After she swallowed, she collapsed on her sunken pink bed, her wet face now buried in a pillow.
She's been here before. It was the feeling that felt like a knife running through her body and coming out with dripping blood on the very tip of it. There was absolutely no way anybody could take away the hurt that she was feeling, or the damage that was done. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, she was back to scratch again. She would have to start with the things that came simple to her and then work her way up to the top, even if this time there was a higher chance of failure then there was before, and it all counted on how much she really was willing to risk.
Anna turned over in her bed and stared up at the ceiling, seeing the pale white wall but not seeing it at the same time. Her eyes were sunken in now and her pale skin-popped out in the dim light that shown quietly through the room. How could he torture her so much? She wanted to scream and scream as loudly and as long as she could, but then there was control. Damn, she always had to be in control. She knew she should know the process of falling by now, yet somehow she felt like she could never get used to it.
A broken heart. That was it. That was what it always came down to and that was exactly what happened. Even though Anna didn't want to, she could picture her heart in so many broken pieces by now that she doubted there was any way to put it back together again. There were of course memories, but memories weren't enough. Not only that, but they didn't last and they couldn't last forever. So it all came down to the fact that she had to live with it. Anna would have to take a breath and move on from it, which was something that could kill her even more.
She sat up after a few minutes, her eyes still fixed on nothing that was straight in front of her. If she had all the time in the world, she would sit there forever. Anna would stay on her bed and fall into the deepest darkest part of her mind and allow herself to be lost in a wondrous world of her own making. It sounded so good and so appealing, that she almost laid back down again. Instead, she forced herself to stand up.
She didn't know if she was okay or not and really she didn't exactly have to. She just had one thing on her mind again and this time it was to free dance. Anna walked over to her CD player and put one of her favorite songs in. As the music filled the room with it's beautiful melody, she walked over to her mirror, found a brush, and started brushing her long black hair. The strands arched down her back and over her thin bony shoulders. Besides everything, even her tear stained face and her sorrowful blue eyes, the music was relieving her a little bit from the tension that she carried hopelessly on her back.
Suddenly, besides the noise in her room, she heard the loud beeping of her cell phone. Anna whipped around, her face panic stricken and her heart beating wildly in her chest. Was he calling to apologize to her? Was he calling just to call? She swallowed a lump in her throat, went over to turn the music off, and then picked up the phone in what seemed like a slow motion. "Hello?" she almost croaked out.