Author note: This story is a sequel to my other work of Review Game Fan-fiction, Newbie Visits The Review Game. Read that before this and it might just make more sense. Probably. Possibly. Maybe just a bit... Nah. It's all madness whichever way you approach it.


One - A Beginning

The girl grabbed a branch for support and ended up collapsing over it, trying to catch her breath. She could hear the sound of pursuit behind her. They were catching up.

This was not good.

This was not good at all.

Cathy had had a good run of it, she supposed, so far. It'd been a while since her reviews had been noticed...

But this time?

Not good.

Really not good.

This time...

This time it was the Twilighters.

Cathy had outrun other Fandoms before, but it was nothing compared to this. The Twilighters had gathered followers and support at an incredible speed, and they didn't show signs of slowing. There were always more idolising, brain-washed girls to recruit, always more Mary-Sues to insert. It was like a plague.


Cathy started to run again, picking up the pace. The key was to avoid open ground. Keep to the twisting alleys and narrow streets, where large groups of screaming girls would have trouble staying together, have trouble keeping strong.

It was also quite useful to be familiar with the local plant-life.

With a sinister grin, Cathy turned left and then right again into a particular narrow alleyway. She ducked to avoid the majority of the prickly hanging branches, but she couldn't miss them all and a few strands of her red hair did get caught. Cathy skidded around the next corner and landed in a dishevelled heap, fighting for breath. Adrenaline was doing its job on her system; she felt like her heartbeat could be heard miles away.

Ten seconds later Cathy heard the inevitable screams and shouts and cries, and her grin grew ever more wicked.

"Ah god, it's in my hair!"

"Lol, you're stuck!"

Safe and out of sight, Cathy relaxed. There was no way they could get her now, not if they'd been reduced to 'lol'.

"Don't laugh at me, you smelly person!" the first voice, high and shrill, shouted.

"Don't you call me smelly, smelly!" Cathy reflected that the second voice was more nasal than shrill.

"I'll call you smelly if I want to! You stink!"

"I do not! You take that back!"

"You gonna make me, are you?"

"I'll make you if I want to make you!"

"Oh, yeah?"


Cathy slowly shook her head. If these were the people running most of Fanfictionland, there was no hope.

A third voice rang out amidst the shrieks. "Guys, come on! Stop it!"


"She started it!"

"Did not!"

"I don't care who started it, I'll finish it!" The third voice was clearly more authoritative than the other two. She probably had more sequins on her lapel or something. Cathy took a moment to wonder how the Twilighters recognised leadership – perhaps those with the most typo-ridden fan-fictions were revered as pillars of the community...

"Oh you will, will you?" said the second voice, its nasal lilt lowering into that of mutiny.

"If I have to, yeah!"

"Edward loves me more!"

"STFU, no he don't!"

Cathy shuddered. What the hell was 'STFU' anyway?

"Actually, he loves me more!" a fourth voice shouted.

"Umm," said the first voice, "I prefer Jake."

There was a short silence.

"Get her!"

Cathy stared wide eyed at the opposite wall as the fight began.

She'd heard about this – the rift that divided the Twilighter Fandom. Team Edward, Team Jacob, did it really matter that much?

The scuffling sounds turned to screams. They were high and very, very piercing. All of a sudden the scream was cut off and replaced by a low gurgle.

Apparently it did.

The leader cleared her throat. Cathy thought she could still hear blood dripping. "Ladies, we have done good work here today!"

"Agreed," the rest of the group chorused.

"Hang on, what about the other one?" asked the nasal girl. "That girl who talked about the... about the forbidden things... If we don't bring her back, there'll be hell to pay."

"Don't worry about it," the leader said. "I'll smooth things over. We can get her later. Scum like that don't stay quiet for long. She'll pop back up, and then we'll get her."


"It really isn't cool," the fourth voice moaned at the nasal girl. "Just look what that blasted mercy killing did to my nails!"

Mercy, Cathy thought. They murder people over which characters they prefer? And they call it mercy?

I have to get out of here.