i f a l l
in a whirlwind of brilliant colors,
flashing pass such dull eyes,
begging to be understood.

i grip
the torn veil, reliquishing
in forgiveness already given
and hope not forgotten.

i could pretend bleeding never happened,
and that bile was never caught in my throat
or a finger never slid its way to emptiness.
but evidence is scarred across my wrists,
forearms, and thighs; and these thoughts
are gaining on me, struggling to resurface
and causing pain, wreathing in agony
because i could not stop the blood.

pace yourself, child, the demons whispered,
shoving broken razorblades into weak hands.
just bite your lip and forget the bleeding.
coaxing brought scarred words across wrists
such as love—i felt so unworthy. designs
such as stars painted their path onto skin.

this is your time to weep.
this is your time to mourn.


Author's note: Lyrics (in italics) borrowed from Between the Trees's "The Way She Feels" and "A Time for Yohe." If you don't know the story behind the songs, I suggest you find it.