I'm so messed up right now. I have so much to tell you.
I know I haven't written to you too lately, so you should know that the whole thing with Leo went smoothly. He brought his guitar and he played me some of those classic songs that everyone knows, even though they're old. I even sang along to some of them, just because it felt so great. Being with him feels so great, Kris. It's like I'm really not even me anymore… It's like I sort of become like you. And while I hate that, I also love it because Leo thinks I'm cool and amazing and he wants to be my friend.
He actually told me that. We were just sitting around, and he said it.
Leo: It's fun hanging out here after school.
Me: I know.
Leo: It's so cool to have friends like you, even though I just moved here a few weeks ago.
See! Okay, maybe that doesn't seem so exciting, but it's a huge deal to me, Kristy. It really is. Now I don't even have to lie anymore when Dad asks about my friends. I can actually tell him the truth, and it's so weird.
Leo and I have been hanging out after school almost every day now. I never see him in school, strangely enough, but I guess maybe that's because of the two-thousand-something people who go there. It's always so crowded, and I'm guess I'm kind of happy of that because Leo only sees this Kristy Baxter and not me.
But outside of the Leo world, things still suck. I'm failing biology big time now, and the teacher, Mrs. Carpenter, pretty much hates my guts. She likes to pick on me in class because she knows that, most of the time, I won't have the right answer to a problem. She called me stupid today. Seriously, we were right in the middle of class and she asked me a question and I answered with what I thought it was, and all she said was, "Don't be so stupid," and moved on to the next person. Is that even allowed, Kristy? Can she say that? I guess she can, because all people did was snicker and everything moved on.
I haven't seen Mom around in so long that it's almost concerning, and Dad's pretty much out of sight, too. And everyone at school is still acting the same, but I don't have to go over that because I've already told you about it so much. But still… there are still things that happen. Sometimes I see people from our old school and they either ignore me or practically spit on me. Most avoid, but there are the few that confront me and pretty much call me out in front of everyone. I usually just ignore them, though. It's easier that way. But sometimes… sometimes, things are hard to ignore.
I saw Katy today. I was walking to the gas station to get a drink and she was walking in the other direction with some of her friends. She looked miserable –her hair was the darkest I've ever seen it, I think. Dark blue. You know, I used to think that her rapid-hair-dying-syndrome was stupid, but I think I understand a little better now. She uses her hair to show how she's feeling, doesn't she? I guess that would explain why she always chose bright, vibrant colors. But now that she's dying it so dark… It scares me, Kristine.
Anyway, she saw me. She saw me and froze, and then she glared at me. She looked like she wanted to attack me. Do you know how hard it was to see her like that, Kris? She used to be your best friend. You guys were so close, and she was more of a sister to you than I ever was. I remember when you guys used to laugh and say that you were twins separated at birth, and everyone would laugh because you were always tall and tan and gorgeous while she was short and pale and average. I didn't find it funny, though. I mean, sometimes you guys did seem like twins. You didn't look alike, but in heart, you were two of a kind. And like you, she was just like my big sister. She treated me like a sister should. That used to annoy me, but I miss it now. I miss it a lot.
Seeing her like that has been the hardest thing yet. Not just because she was so close to you, but because I'm pretty sure she knows a lot more than all of the others do, just because she was around so much. Maybe she knows everything.
I don't know, but I'm pretty sure that she knows, Kris. She knows why you're dead.
Sorry. I'm really sorry. But I love you, okay? That's not a very good excuse, but right now, it's the best one I have.
Author's note: So, for all of you who have guessed it, here it is: Kristy is dead. Not too surprising, huh? XD
Thanks to Lighted Lamps and WalkingPastSunday for the reviews!