It was a quaint coffee shop full of wood and paisley curtains, the aroma of a lived-in sitting room and the music of a bad romantic comedy. The window looked out on the busiest shopping street of the city, not exactly riveting scenery but good enough for a distraction. Despite the drizzle there were plenty of people passing buy, some could even be seen under the mountains of shopping bags.
Gawain always tried to get a table near the window. There was no particular reason for this, it was simply habit. He sat sipping his tea and trying to avoid thinking about what he had to do. He wasn't going to do something wrong, he knew that deep in his heart, but that didn't help him feel any better about it.
He looked up when the door opened and Kaye stumbled inside in his usual clumsy way. Kaye smiled brightly and sat down across the table from Gawain with a satisfied grunt. He shed his coat and immediately launched in to an apology.
"Before you say anything, I want to tell you how sorry I am about the things I said last Friday. I've been killing myself thinking about it. If there was any way I could take it back, I would, I need you to know that," he said.
Gawain waved his hand dismissively. "Consider it forgotten. I didn't really hear a word you said." He paused, staring in to his cup. "I'd actually rather have you angry with me."
"What?" Kaye just stared at him in that adorable confused way he had. He wasn't going to make it easy, that much was obvious.
Gawain took a deep breath, letting it our slowly. It was always very difficult to begin.
"Look, I need to tell you, I can't. Do this anymore, I mean." He fiddled with his sleeves, not looking up. "I've been thinking for a long time, and I can't stand it. It's not working out Kaye," he said, finally looking up.
"What, but," Kaye took a few breaths. "Why? You never gave any indication, I thought we were good. Gods above, I love you."
"I... it's not, I can't explain it very well. I've been thinking and trying, and hoping, but it just isn't right. I don't feel right."
"Is this some sort of fear of commitment? Are we moving too fast?" Kaye asked, his eyes suspiciously shiny.
"No! It's not that. Honestly, I wished so hard we could make it work. But I can't. Please, hate me, anything to make it easier." He laughed bitterly. "I have done nothing wrong, and yet I am the asshole here. Oh the painful irony."
He saw Kaye reaching out to him out of the corner of his eye and casually sat back a little. His tea had long gone cold but he drank it anyway. He had to keep his hands busy somehow otherwise his nails would be gnawed beyond recognition again. He could hear Kaye crying. He hated it when people cried. It always made him feel guilty, and that just wasn't fair, damn it.
"I can't give you up without a fight," Kaye said between sobs.
He sighed. "It's not your decision to make Kaye."
"I know that. Gods, I know that, but I still can't. Is there something I can do? I can wait. How long do you need? A week? A month?"
When he looked up, his eyes were hard. "No. Don't you dare do that. Don't you dare torture yourself like that." He stood up, wrapping his scarf around his neck several times and picked up his coat.
"Gawain, please. You can't just... I don't understand."
"And I can't explain it any better. Goodbye, Kaye."
It had stopped raining. He walked quickly until he reached the end of the street, then pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialled.
"It's done. I did it. Oh fuck, it's done."
There was a snicker on the other end of the line. "Feel better?"
"Fuck, yes. And like shit at the same time. I hate breaking up with good guys," he said.
"That would explain your endless parade of assholes. How'd he take it?"
"About as good as expected." He ran a hand through his hair. "I hate it when boys cry."
"I know baby. You want to come over? I have cake."
"Yes please. How's your stock?"
"You dare question it? Brimming over with delicious alcoholic beverages, as usual. What's your ETA? I need to go out and buy cream if you're coming."
He looked at his watch, thinking for a bit. "Half an hour, give or take. I'm almost at the bus stop but I need to pick something up from the bookshop. My manga should have arrived by now."
"Ooh, porn. Can't wait. Well, see you in thirty, then. Please, don't feel so bad. You did the right thing."
"Ris, that doesn't change the fact that I feel like a bastard."
"You are a bastard. Mother has never been married in her entire life. Now, chin up and look windswept and interesting. Something's bound to fall in your lap."
"Please, no," he groaned. "I wouldn't survive it."
He hung up to the sound of his brother's laughter and crossed the small square to the bookshop. The young girl at the counter didn't so much bat an eyelash at his racy stack of manga to his great relief. It was always a relief when you found out no one really cared about your porn preferences, especially when they didn't know you at all. It was somehow more difficult to swallow condemning stares from people that didn't know him from Adam because they didn't know any of his redeeming qualities.
The porn safely stashed in a canvas tote bag, he made for the bus stop. It took a bit of willpower to resist his manga but he knew Ris would never forgive him for starting without him. They had great fun reading those to each other. Instead, he buried his nose in a non-threatening novel while he waited. When the bus arrived he flashed his pass without looking up and took a seat next to a lady who smelled heavily of floral perfume. When he reached his stop his brother was waiting for him, the clever bastard was wearing a knitted beany hat and gloves as well as a scarf.
"Hi!" he exclaimed, waving enthusiastically.
They both had their mother's honey blonde hair and blue eyes. Ris kept his fairly short and it was alwasy messy, sticking up everywhere. Gawain wore his long and tended to dye the front locks a pale green for the hell of it. Ris was of medium height and more muscular than Gawain, who was taller and wiry. The younger brother had a smile for everyone and it was infectious, he would always drag everyone along in his enthusiasm, Gawain was more reserved. However, they were closer than most and Gawain freely admitted his brother was also his most valued confidant.
"People would think it's been years since you saw me last instead of a week," Gawain commented.
"Can't I be happy to see my big brother? One of us has to make up the daily quota of cheer, and it obviously won't be you," his brother teased. "Now come on, I've got heating and coffee, as well as cream for once. If that isn't enough to lure you in, I've also got some cupcakes."
"The heating is plenty to lure me in during this thrice damned season with its rain and wind and abominable hail," Gawain complained. "So your heating was repaired?"
"Yes, it took half a dozen angry phone calls and one whiny letter but I've got heat so I can't complain too much. I was starting to worry for Tia, she hates being cooped up but I couldn't very well let her out while it was freezing."
Gawain stopped and pointed a trembling finger at his brother. "Gaheris O'Shea, tell me you did not let that snake out knowing I'm visiting or I'll take my porn and backtrack sooner than you can blink."
Ris laughed, grabbing his brother's hand and dragging him along. "Of course I didn't, not that it wouldn't have been hilarious. She's in the bedroom so you're as safe as houses. Now come on, just a few more steps and we're at the door; there's coffee on the other side you know."
He didn't bother replying as he was too busy stuffing his freezing fingers in his pockets. They climbed the narrow stairs to Ris' little flat and his brother threw the door open with a ta-dah. The heat emanating from inside was just heavenly. Gawain unwrapped himself and hurried to take the spot closest to the heater which was the fluffy chair. Of course it had to be the fluffy chair.
"I'll get some fuel; put some music on would you?" Ris said, disappearing in the small kitchen.
Gawain was reluctant to lose his warm spot but he was already starting to feel much more alive. "Something mellow alright with you?" He didn't bother waiting for an answer, he just popped a CD in the stereo and returned to his chair.
His brother returned laden down with snacks and beverages. "This is your idea of mellow? Gawain, it's opera. Opera is anything but mellow." He sighed and set his load on the coffee table. "I should have expected it. You know, one would think you were the one who got dumped," Gaheris pointed out.
Gawain shrugged. "I don't like hurting people."
"You liar," Gaheris said with a laugh. "You love hurting people."
"I don't like hurting kind people," Gawain amended. "Enough about me, hand over the baked goods."
"Please, help yourself," Ris said, taking a sip of coffee. "So, any new projects lined up? What was it with Kaye again? Self-worth? Phobias?"
"Oh, tricky one. No wonder you never let me meet him. And now he's clean and likely to stay so?"
Gawain nodded. "He's thrown himself in to art. He's not half bad to tell the truth."
"At least he's original," Gaheris said. "World's drowning in damaged painters, novelists and poets."
"Thank you," Gawain said dryly. "I am in awe of your respect for my profession. But enough about this, how is your love life getting along? Please, smother me in your disgusting happiness."
Ris grinned widely, snatching a cupcake off the tray and stuffing the whole thing in his mouth. He chewed until it was completely sickening to watch him, so naturally he chose that moment to speak. "I got dumped."
Gawain stared open-mouthed at his brother. He couldn't believe it. There was simply no way it could possibly be true. No one ever dumped Ris, he was just too loveable. There were a few instances where there was a parting by mutual agreement, but for the past five years Ris had been in a ridiculously happy relationship with Lance, a gorgeous airline pilot.
The two were nigh inseparable, whenever Lance had to set out for longer than a day or two they attached themselves to their phones twenty four hours a day. For crying out loud, they had almost moved in together at one time, deciding to wait until they found something only because Ris's rickety flat was much closer to the hospital than Lance's luxury abode.
"Why are you looking at me like that!" Ris exclaimed huffily.
"I'm waiting for you to say 'ha ha, you fell for it'," Gawain said, still bemused.
Ris mewled and childishly turned his back to Gawain. "Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for here."
Gawain agreed that had been a bit bastardly of him. He stood up and went to squeeze the life out of his brother.
"I am so sorry. Can I ask why?"
"No," Ris said irritably. "Well, yes. Just this once, because you're my brother and vengeance will be mine. You know, because I can. But you can ask."
Gawain laughed softly. "The question was more or less posed already Ris. Just tell me."
"Ok. Fine. Let's sit down then," Ris said, wriggling out of Gawain's grip.
"I am all ears."
"Eww," Ris laughed. "That would be inconvenient. And a medical miracle as well. Mind if I study you?"
"Gaheris," Gawain said sternly.
"Spoilsport. Fine, ok, but it's really stupid and you're going to be angry," Ris warned. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You know how I dream to be an amazing physician, a Gregory House of the real world. Well, I thought Lance was entirely with me on this, supportive partnerly behaviour and all that. Turns out, I was wrong." He paused to take a cupcake, but all he did with it was systematically destroy it in his hands. "His schedule is pretty demanding, and so is mine of course but it's not catastrophic yet. However, that won't be true forever."
"Wait," Gawain interrupted. "The problem is your schedule? Damn it Ris, you've dreamed of being a doctor for as long as I can fucking remember!"
"I know. So did Lance, but I guess he thought I would grow out of it when I saw how much it required of me. What he wants is a sort of hausfrau with a cock. Someone who'll be there to feed him a Margarita when he gets home all exhausted and twirl his curls while he unwinds. Now, I'm more than happy to do these things when I can, but I refused to give up my career." Ris looked down on his crumbled cupcake and put it away. "He found someone who will."
Gawain swore. Ris seemed in control of the situation but he knew his brother better than that. It was eating him up inside. He didn't know what to say. With any other person, he could either offer comfort or join in a bout of abuse pointed at the asshole in question. Ris wasn't a fan of either option. There was really only one thing he could do.
He stood up and purposefully walked to the kitchen, returning with a bottle of vodka and two glasses. He set them down and returned to fetch the orange juice and some ice. Then, he mixed them in the most lethal way, handing one to Gaheris. That done, he fetched his canvas bag and fished out the manga.
"I have tentacle porn, sweet high school porn, yakuza porn, science fiction porn and, eh," he looked at the last one and quickly shoved it back. It turned out he hadn't been quite quick enough.
Gaheris didn't bother asking, he simply filched the entire bag from under Gawain's nose and examined the cover of the comic in question. His eyebrows rose and he grinned.
"Twincest? Really Gawain, you sink further in to the pit of depravity every time I see you."
He couldn't hide his blush no matter how much he scowled, but he tried it anyway. He snatched the book back from Ris and sat on it. "It's none of your business, especially as you are familiar with the terminology."
"Alright, if you say so. I vote yakuza porn," Ris said to Gawain's surprise. He had never let a subject drop so easily before but one should count his blessings and move on. The proper one was set aside and the rest returned to the bag. They made themselves comfortable on the floor with the manga between them.
Gawain cleared his throat and turned the pages with great ceremony. He started out in a clinical voice because he knew that amused his brother. In no time at all Ris was giggling, and he nudged his brother. He took over in a more sensual voice, making the effort to be as lewd as possible. They went back and forth like this until they were both rolling around laughing. Of course, the vodka helped quite a bit to make them sillier than usual but it was the usual comfortable atmosphere again. Gawain relaxed, grateful he could at least do that much for his brother. He ruffled his hair affectionately getting a poke in his side as thanks.
"Oh boy, I haven't laughed this hard in a while. Is there any more of that vodka?" Ris asked.
Gawain looked at the nearly empty bottle and raised his eyebrow. "I think you've had plenty, brother mine."
"Mmm," Ris said dreamily. "Probably. I hope so."
"I'll need something to blame for this," he explained.
Gawain's world exploded in a haze of pain. He yelled out and his mouth was seized in a brutal kiss, he responded before he could think to stop himself. With a desperate cry he shoved his brother off him and scooted back, breathing raggedly. There was something wet on his face and he wiped it with his sleeve. It came away red. Gaheris was smiling. It was not a happy expression, more like a grimace than anything. He averted his eyes.
"Why?" he asked in a small voice.
"Because you're beautiful."
The voice was a lot closer than he'd like, and Gawain felt a hand hovering over his arm. He didn't dare look up but he never got a choice, Gaheris grabbed his hair and forced him to, latching on to his lips as soon as he did.
He tried to resist. He really did, but there was so much, the pain, the anger, the desperation of the thing. Not to mention the erection in his pants and the blanket of confusion thanks to the vodka. It was like fighting a hurricane, not that he'd ever experiences such a phenomenon but if he ever did, he imagined it would be very similar to the onslaught he was facing. He had seen Ris kiss before, seen him doing more than kiss when he'd had a few and Lance was similarly inebriated. It never failed to excite him of course, there's no need to deny that two beautiful men groping at each other and sucking shamelessly on fingers and necks gave you the stiffest cock you ever had. There wasn't even a need to pretend he didn't look away when wandering hands reached zippers and disappeared inside trousers, that he moaned along with Lance and arched his back in the same way just from watching.
He had never imagined he would be doing more than watching. No, that is a lie, he had, and he had laughed at himself and resolved not to read any more incest smut. That resolution had held all of three days, but the fantasies about Ris didn't come back without prompting. He was very careful not to.
So there he was, being kissed, assaulted by his brother while he sat there frozen like a deer in headlights. Gaheris didn't seem to mind, he was utterly absorbed in invading his mouth with his tongue. Christ, if he even had a bottom lip when it was all over he would consider himself lucky. Once the touches reached below waist he made a primal noise and shoved Ris away again.
"Brother," he said, panting.
"Gawain," Ris whined.
"You can't be serious about this. Ris, I understand you are hurting, but this won't make it go away," Gawain persisted.
"You can't honestly tell me you haven't thought about it," Gaheris countered peevishly. "I've seen you, brother. I watched you while you watched me. Fuck!" He tugged on his hair, raking his nails down his face and bringing them to rest on Gawain's thighs. "I did all that for you, Gawain. I am not as much of an exhibitionist as it seemed, but damn it, I wanted you to see me. Now just shut up and let me."
His eyes were dangerous, Gawain could hardly look away from them. Ris pulled him close, grabbing his ass and pressing himself against Gawain. God his nose hurt, it wasn't enough to distract him from those touches. He tried to squirm when Ris undid his trouser, did his best to be uncooperative when his sweater was pulled over his head along with his undershirt, all to no avail. He was topless and his trousers were around his ankles but neither of these were more unsettling than the look Ris gave him, a look full of possessive lust and anger.
"You are so fucking perfect, damn you to hell, so fucking, fucking perfect," Ris muttered. "Fucking perfect, perfect for fucking, god damn you Gawain."
He didn't waste any time with teasing touches, there was no vanilla flavoured foreplay where nipples were licked and sucked, or butterfly kisses placed on hips or clavicles, none of that. Ris latched on to the inside of his thigh, sucking and biting his way up determinedly. Gawain was almost ashamed of his aching cock, for fuck's sake, the traitorous thing was leaking and twitching and when Ris touched it with the tip of his wet tongue he could have wept it was so blissful. He gripped Gwain's hips hard enough to bruise and took almost the entire length of it in his mouth at once, teeth scraping along painfully. He sucked it hard, hard enough to draw every drop of blood to it end released it with a pop.
His little brother was no amateur, he knew just how to combine the right amount of fondling with his long tongue twining around the head of his cock, and fucking hell if he sucked it any harder it would turn fucking purple. Gawain's hands had tangled in Ris's hair automatically and his ass was almost entirely off the ground. There was only so much moralising one could do before animal instincts took over and he was thrusting now, slowly but it was definitely him. Gaheris held him down, remaining fully in control until even he groaned and let go, allowing Gawain free reign of his mouth for a few moments.
"Oh Christing fuck, I can't take much more of this," he said, undoing his jeans and slithering out of them as fast as he could. He clutched his balls, groaning deeply. "Oh Gawain, Gawain, you are a legend alright," he moaned, pulling on his own cock. He spat in to his hand and kneeled down, bringing his head back to Gawain's crotch and his hand back to his ass. He paused his sucking to spit in his hand again and returned to the business of pulling Gawain's balls off with his teeth.
"Brother," Gwain breathed, "please."
He didn't even know what he was asking for, everything had spiralled entirely out of control and there was no difference between up and down anymore. He could smell himself when Gaheris kissed him again, no more gentle than he'd been to begin with.
"Pleasepleasepleaseplease," Ris chanted, moving to straddle Gawain, rubbing their cocks together with ridiculous wet noises that failed to be ridiculous. He lifted himself up and grabbed hold of Gawain's cock, guiding it to his ass. "Oh fuuuuck," he moaned, rubbing it along his crack.
"Jesus Ris, you can still stop now, Ris, Ris!" Gawain said frantically.
Ris paid no attention to him, and neither did Gawain himself when he felt the tightness and warmth, and fuck. He closed his eyes, biting his lip to keep quiet. Gaheris slapped him.
"No, fuck no you're not doing that. You are not a bleeding victim," he spat. He began to move and it was hard and fast and too much all at once. That was it, the wire snapped and Gawain roared, throwing Ris down on his back and taking hold of his legs for leverage.
It was savage, they both were. They didn't say much besides the groans and the wet slapping of skin against skin and Ris' chant of 'please', but they looked. Gawain looked at his brother's flushed face and the rise and fall of his chest, and yes, damn him, he looked at his brother's cock as it swung back and forth with each thrust so he shifted to get better support and grabbed it in his fist. He pulled on it and Ris screamed and threw his head back, banging it against the floor. There was no Lance, no Kaye, no nothing except this rutting and he could feel it building inside him, so he pounded Ris forcefully, tugging on his cock in time. Ris closed his eyes and came with a full-body shudder, but Gawain didn't stop. If anything that made it worse, the smell of it was everywhere now and the clenching, he felt like his life was about to leak out of him. Gaheris met each of his thrusts, chanting his name and begging for god knew what and Gawain burst in to flames. When the fog lifted he had to admit it wasn't actually flames, but it had felt like it.
He slumped down, breathing raggedly. His high was dissipating slowly so every ache came back full force. Ris was sitting up with his arms behind him and one leg up bent at the knee. Gawain looked at him. He was smiling. Gawain swung his fist and slammed it straight in to Ris' nose.
Ris cried out and clutched his face, cursing and looking at his fingers to check for blood. Gawain stood up slowly, letting some feeling come back to his legs. Taking a few small steps until they were not as wobbly anymore, he grabbed his underpants and pulled them on.
"I don't know if I can even look at you now," he said.
"Please what, Gaheris?" he shouted. "Please what? Am I your whore now, brother? I swear to you Gaheris O'Shea, if you broke my nose I am going to murder you in your sleep."
"Gawain. I didn't break your nose," Ris said quietly. "Merely your moral shield, oh chivalrous one."
"You, you made me, you made me." He stopped, shaking with anger. "That was rape, Ris! It doesn't matter who put his cock in whose hole, but that was fucking rape!"
Ris sighed, getting off the floor to put his hand on Gawain's shoulder. "Would you have done it if I'd asked?"
"Would you have let me seduce you?" Ris asked quietly. He snorted. "Of course you wouldn't have. Mother named you well. You would rather die than admit you wanted it as much as I did."
"We're brothers Gaheris."
"Yeah, and? We fucked, Gawain. We fucked. We're not about to get married and have a litter of puppies. Calm the fuck down," Ris said harshly. "You wanted me, as a matter of fact, I bet you still do. If I were to bend over now and beg prettily, how long do you think it would take you to get hard and pound my ass straight through the floor? You are my brother, I love you, but you have the most gorgeous cock I have ever seen and I have never, ever in my life been fucked like this. Now tell me you hated it and mean it. I bet you can't."
Gawain rubbed his forehead. "No, you're right. I can't. That makes it right?"
Ris made a noise of frustration and threw himself on the sofa. "You, argh, I have no words for you. You bloody writers, you make everything in to a drama." He took a calming breath. "Look, it's very simple. You, are going to come over here and sit down. Then, we are going to read that twincest manga you tried to hide from me and then you are going to kiss me, because god help you if you don't Gawain O'Shea. Don't make me break your stubborn head this time."
Gawain touched his nose, wincing. "You fucking bastard, you did break it."
Ris chuckled, nodding. "And if you're good, I'll even set it properly for you. Now, have a drink if you need one, but get over this. I plan to have far more spectacular sex in the future, with or without your cooperation." He paused, thinking. "I'd rather it were with, to be honest. You're really very good at it."
"Aaargh, you!" Gawain exclaimed, but he was smiling. He tried to look angry, but Ris laughed at his feeble attempts and he followed.
It was probably a bad idea. Surely, nothing good could come of it. Gawain had the tendency to 'change' his lovers and Ris fell in love too deeply. But they were laughing and sore in mostly the right places, Ris was naked and Gawain was sticky and bloody. The room was a mess and it still smelled of sex, but then there was the butchered cupcake on the tray and the newly bought cream because Gawain liked it in his coffee and opera in the background. As bad ideas went, this was hardly the worst they'd ever had.
A/N- That...yeah, I don't think I should say anything.