If only I hadn't snuck out. I thought it had been my only option. I had to get to that party. But, now, I realize the party hadn't been crucial. I did not need to be there. It wouldn't have been the end of the world if I had decided to stay home.

You know, I think it goes past sneaking out of the house. It goes back to fifth period lunch. She, the beautiful goddess of the high school, walked into the cafeteria and announced she was having a party. This, in itself, was not unusual, but when she said anyone who was available could come . . . Well, I jumped at the chance. After all, I, like over half the male population of the school, had a crush on her. So, if only I hadn't been stupid and thought I would have a chance with her if I went to the party.

I arrived at the party. The only people there were that of her usual crowd, obviously no one else had taken her seriously. I began to feel stupid for doing so. I wormed my way through the crowd. I stumbled, quite on accident, across her and her boyfriend curled up together. Lip locked. I grew angry at myself, her, him, just angry. I fought my way back through the crowd. If only I had listened to my mom when she said stay home, this girl doesn't feel anything for you, she may not even know who you are. Yeah, it was harsh, but true, and I guess Mom was just trying to save me.

I left, dragging my feet, kicking up dust, trying to get over my very acute embarrassment. At least, I had thought, no one will know I was ever there. Even the 'popular's' who had the unpleasant experience there was a geek in their midst would forget come morning. But I would know, and it's one of the many, many, many memories you would wish gone for the rest of your life. If only I hadn't put off going home.

It was late. I was tired. I saw the shortcut beckoning. It wasn't that much of a shortcut, but the way it twisted and curved through the woods ended up putting me under my bedroom window, instead of risking taking the main road and having to sneak past my parent's room. I turned down the path. If only I hadn't.

Things were all right. I'd never been afraid of the dark, and the woods at night were peaceful. But the calm was shattered. I heard shouts from just off the path. I ended up looking into a clearing where a fire was burning. A kid was screaming, while three tall, menacing males towered over him, their intention to badly hurt the kid. If only I had gone for help instead of going in after the kid myself.

Oh, I saved the kid. That part was no problem. I just insulted the goons, and they came after me. The kid, who was smart enough to figure out what I was doing, took off like a bat out of hell. I tried to do the same. I found my way back to the path and ran toward my house, the muscled males hot on my trail. In all my haste I had forgotten about how a part of the path had caved in and how I had to jump over it. If only I hadn't forgotten to jump.

I fell. Far. The wind rushed through my hair, and I felt like I was flying. I knew that hitting the ground would hurt. I knew that I would be in a lot of pain. If only I had been closer to home.

I managed to stagger to my feet. It was difficult, for sure. Those boys ran off after I fell, but I hadn't counted on them anyway. The journey up the cliffs was long and treacherous, and half way up I knew. I knew that I wasn't going to make it. I would just have to wait for someone to find me. If only I had charged my cell phone last night.

Those were all my mistakes. All simple choices, thrust upon me by destiny. I chose the path that fickle mistress had set in front of me, instead of taking the one she hid. All the mistakes I had ever made in my life, non compared to the ones I had made that night. Although small on their own, woven together into an unforgiving, unchangeable, unforgettable, treacherous web, they grew to great sizes. But after all this, there's only one 'if only' for me to think.

If only I hadn't died that night.

┬ęDouble I 4 My Guyz